The Real Dad Podcast
Each week, these four fathers cover a wide range of "Dad" related topics, from the joys of watching your child grow up to the challenges of balancing work and family life. With their unique blend of humor and authenticity, Dave, Joey, Brian, and Mark provide a refreshing perspective on what it means to be a dad in today's world.
Tune in for the laughs, stay for the heartfelt conversations about the struggles and triumphs of parenting. Whether you're a seasoned dad or a soon-to-be father, "The Real Dad Podcast" is the perfect place to connect with other dads and get the support you need.
Join us on this journey of fatherhood, and subscribe to "The Real Dad Podcast" today!
The Real Dad Podcast
Financial Fears and Family Values: Navigating the Cost of Parenthood
Ever been outmaneuvered by an 8-year-old? When one dad tried to surprise his daughter with a new bike for her birthday, he never expected her calculated response: "I already have a bike, and bikes are very expensive. Maybe I could just get a phone." What followed was a masterclass in child negotiation that left him with bags of Stitch merchandise and a daughter who still managed to get her coveted Build-A-Bear from grandma the next day.
The dads dive deep into the financial fears that accompany parenthood—a conversation rarely had openly but universally experienced. From starting businesses while raising newborns to unexpected job losses coinciding with pregnancy announcements, they share raw stories about making ends meet when it feels impossible. Their collective wisdom? You'll never feel financially "ready" for kids, but you'll find ways to make it work. Whether it's developing simple saving habits, having honest conversations with your partner about money values, or adjusting expectations about what your family truly needs versus wants.
Between negotiating with car salesmen (who the guys describe as "mostly douches, sorry not sorry") and navigating the complex world of family budgeting, the conversation turns to what truly matters. One father shares a powerful moment when his son wished they were rich, only to quickly change his mind after learning more money would mean seeing his parents less. Meanwhile, another dad finds unexpected joy in introducing his children to classic comedies like Dumb and Dumber and Ace Ventura, creating moments of connection that transcend any financial concerns. Because at the end of the day, your presence matters more than presents. Subscribe now to join these honest conversations about the messy, beautiful reality of modern fatherhood.
It was my daughter's 8th birthday.
Speaker 2:Oh yeah, over the weekend.
Speaker 1:And I had the responsibility of taking her to a specialist appointment.
Speaker 2:Okay, For the first time For her birthday.
Speaker 1:Wow what a great party. Hold on, shut up for a second.
Speaker 3:There it is Her birthday, there it is. There's always one in an episode.
Speaker 1:The plan was we were going to go buy her a new bike for her birthday. I'm like, babe, we have a surprise, mommy, and I didn't get you anything for your birthday this year because we want you to pick it out. She goes oh, amazing, great, I go, we're going to get you a new bike. And she goes well, I already have a bike, and bikes are very expensive.
Speaker 3:So maybe I could just get a phone.
Speaker 2:If you got some time to relax your mind, come have breakfast with the Real Dad Podcast. Welcome to the Real Dad Podcast. I'm Dave and I really fucking love you guys.
Speaker 3:Wow. Well, me too, buddy. I'm Joey, I've entered my Crocs era and I'm okay with it.
Speaker 1:I love that for you. My name's Mark and I am coming to terms that I might be addicted to conspiracy theories.
Speaker 4:Oh, that's fine.
Speaker 1:We already knew that it's very bad for my mental health, but I can't get enough of them.
Speaker 4:Is this why you said to stay off that one particular app because it's not good for your health?
Speaker 1:I don't know man, it does just be the conspiracies okay anyways, who are you?
Speaker 4:and I would like to just announce that I love the new justin bieber album wow, it's great.
Speaker 1:I think it's incredible.
Speaker 3:I appreciate it incredible is a very I haven't listened to.
Speaker 4:I have listened to it on repeat.
Speaker 3:It's incredible okay, it is quite good.
Speaker 2:I must say, I was uh, we were driving up to the guys weekend and brian said like, hey, throw on the bieber album. So I threw it on. I was a little like you know a bunch of guys driving up for a guy's weekend, we're listening to bieber, like what's this about? But I was like, whatever, I'll mess with this. And it was. It was great I didn't like.
Speaker 1:I didn't like 90s music during the 90s. I don't like that.
Speaker 2:It's coming back now when was creed and nickelback? Because I'm pretty sure you loved that 2000 early 2000s.
Speaker 3:We got another 10 years pre-2000s 99 98.
Speaker 2:That's how I'll fuck with that uh wanted to start off the podcast with a couple fan shout outs, one of them to jack johnson, the jack johnson.
Speaker 1:Maybe the better together, maybe a different jack johnson.
Speaker 4:It's a different banana pancakes, but the guy's got a great beard.
Speaker 1:Check out that beard that's a good, great beard uh, he sent us a little. Isn't that a nice car too?
Speaker 4:yeah nice car sent us a nice card too. Yeah, nice card.
Speaker 2:Sent us a nice little message on Instagram and he said that the episode when we were talking about toast doneness really sold him. Yep, he likes a light brown, almost dark toast.
Speaker 4:Oh my God, he said that, that's the correct answer. He did say our podcast was shit to begin with. Yeah, he started off low, yeah, yeah, just to put that out there.
Speaker 2:And then a little love for y'all from Paul Cronin, paul.
Speaker 4:I was thinking about him today and I just sent him a little message to check in because last time he was here his life was kind of in a little turmoil. Right, he's very thoughtful, he's doing great Good.
Speaker 2:He got a new job, attaboy, things are going well, it's a six six month contract with the uh town, the town industry then like the warner brothers like it's going to amazon and they're starting them off with a six month contract, and then it's going to like. It seems like they'll renew him that's very good and stuff. Yeah, he's in a really great place some old work colleagues he's working with.
Speaker 4:He's perfect love that for you, paul, in a great place he told me to uh say hi to y'all.
Speaker 3:Hi, paul, we love you. Buddy, glad you're doing well.
Speaker 4:Anytime you want to bring donuts by, we'll eat them, we will.
Speaker 1:Crispies are creamy, if you know what.
Speaker 3:I'm saying that sounded dirty for some reason it does sound dirty. Holy shit, I dropped my mic, I think.
Speaker 2:I talked about it a while back I'm not sure if it was just to you guys or on the podcast about wanting to teach my kids about like my level of comedy, like what I found funny when I was a kid because I found my son we would. We created like a family group text, which is kind of neat. My kids all have a phone so we can text within the family.
Speaker 3:It's kind of fun but he abused it a little bit.
Speaker 2:He sent some like videos and memes that just weren't funny, they were just annoying, you call they were just dumb. We actually voted him out of the family wow, he got booted for inappropriate and lame videos and like got dark be funnier.
Speaker 2:If you're gonna send us videos, so we let him back in, okay, um, but the videos he would show me him. He's like dad, look at this. I'm I'm thinking I'm going to laugh and I'm like this isn't funny. And then I needing to be in a more like lighter headspace. I haven't been listening to like deep thinking podcasts. I've been back listening to the Lonely Island podcast and they rehash all of their old like episodes that they did on SNL and their digital shorts and it's so funny and it just made me remember and hot rod being one of my favorite comedies.
Speaker 2:I was like I need Ben to see this. And I was talking to my wife. I'm like, do you think this would be appropriate? And she's like Abby can't watch that yet Like there's no way, it's gotta be too old for her and I was like I don't know, I think they could watch that.
Speaker 4:So we watched. There's a lot of innuendos in that, yeah, so cause I?
Speaker 2:remember I looked up like the date that those movies were released and I was around my youngest daughter's age when I was watching them and I didn't understand those jokes until.
Speaker 4:I was older.
Speaker 2:So on the past two weekends last weekend, the two weekends ago we watched dumb and dumber Kids. Thought it was hilarious, they loved it. Ago, we watched dumb and dumber kids. Thought it was hilarious, they loved it. The weekend just passed we watched ace ventura pet detective on friday and ace ventura when nature calls on saturday like back to back and the kids loved it like dumb and dumber the.
Speaker 2:The one of the scenes that got them the most is the winter scene, when they're um, like they have the snowball fight, which was funny, and then they're making a snowman and she hands them the uh carrot and two coals and he makes a dick and balls with them instead of the nose and eyes and my kids just broke down laughing.
Speaker 2:It was so good but I was like this is what is funny. Like what you're showing that's not like youtube, like the shorts that they're seeing and stuff. I'm like that's not funny. Jim carrey in his prime oh was hilarious comedy?
Speaker 3:yeah so, but try getting kids to go to bed after watching those movies when they're just trying to like reenact him and be him yeah, oh, it's so funny but instilling comedy in your kids something you don't really think about but like a sense of humor is super important yeah where it's like, even like you think about as they grow up, like that that's how you're going to make some friends out there in the schoolyard and like as you get through that, like a lot of people when you look for a partner you look for someone who can make you laugh and like bring joy to your life. Where it's like I guess you don't really think about that and you just hope your kid will be naturally funny, but throw comedy movies at them and see what happens in Ace Ventura.
Speaker 2:The first one, the moment spoiler alert when we're well past that the moment when he figures out that Finkel is Einhorn my daughter Aria, my middle child, like audibly gasped. She was like and then she got it and she was like it wasn't his gun digging into his hip and I was like you got it like you're in the know on this here's the one scene when him and courtney cox's character um make love. Yeah, and the animals are on the background.
Speaker 4:They're doing that in the jungle, the mighty jungle.
Speaker 2:Look what's happening. What's happening there? I'm like more popcorn. What's? My popcorn you need to go get some popcorn because I didn't even remember the beginning of that movie. He saves the dog, gives it back to this girl who's got like her boobs hanging out of her shirt, basically. And then she's like he's like yeah, um, there was some damage done to my vehicle, so I'll need payment. And then she was like well, how about I pay you a different way?
Speaker 4:yeah, and goes below camera, and then he's wiggling around and like what's happening daddy, I don't get it like oh, he's just, he's just being silly, you know, he's just tickling his feet, guy, let's move along.
Speaker 2:So it definitely definitely uh had some moments but our, my youngest. Like it was right over her head. Like that's the beauty of the age group that I have my kids in right now because like that kind of humor goes over her head and it's just like silliness. And then the other two my son definitely gets it he knows what's going on. And then my daughter's like huh, like confused, but somewhat there Putting it together.
Speaker 2:Yeah. So then today, I just love when, like, the stories come full circle, like you show them something like that my son was playing soccer today and he was playing defense, gave the ball away, they scored a goal. It was like one of those like tough ones on him, but then a little while later he scored a goal and it got them back and after the game, it was one of those like you go and do something like that and totally redeem yourself.
Speaker 1:And he got it.
Speaker 4:It was just like oh, finally I can use all of the phrases and you'll get it like why, why did I?
Speaker 2:wait so long.
Speaker 4:Like okay, no, he needed to get old enough to be able to appreciate it.
Speaker 2:But yeah, it's just hilarious that now he is in on some of those jokes.
Speaker 3:It was fantastic. That's so good. Well, you were watching comedy movies. We had to go shop for a new car. Oh, okay, oh no, I hate it. I am not a car shopper because I am not a haggler. Like I can't go back and forth with someone. I'm not that person.
Speaker 2:Like I'm the type when we first went down to Dominican, I would love to sell a renovation to you. Yeah, you would.
Speaker 3:I literally thought about this, going to it because I'm like, yeah, I'm the client that we would love to see, except knowing that I can kind of come in with it with the whole negotiation, with that kind of energy, I don't know. But yeah, when I was 19 and went to dominican like we go to the jewelry shop thing that they have set up there, where there's a bunch of huts set up selling stuff and I just pay whatever they ask me to pay, because when you're asking me that's this much, then I'm assuming that it's that much and that's what I'm going to give you. And I come back and my father-in-law is like how much did you pay for? It was 125 buck. He's like what you should have got that for like 15. And I was like I don't know, that's what he said it costs. So that's what I bring.
Speaker 3:Yeah, but at least you made that person's day I did make that, and that was nothing going down there too, I'm like whatever, but car sales for a car company, yeah exactly but yeah, we did, all right, I think.
Speaker 3:We went in, we went to a couple of different places and I told meg, like I prepped us going into this, I'd watched a few videos that david sent me on, like negotiating, talking to car dealers and stuff like that. So then I was just like nope, we, whenever we sit down with somebody, we're not getting locked into a decision there. We're always leaving. It doesn't matter what's happening, we're leaving, we're going somewhere else. If we have to come back to somebody, we'll come back to somebody. So we floated around to four different places and ended up back at the place where we started. So we got a new minivan newish, new to us 2020 I'm happy that's new enough how overwhelming was that whole procedure for you, because like
Speaker 3:going into it like were you, like, like couldn't sleep, and you're like trying to prep yourself, or I don't get anxious in that way, like it doesn't affect too much leading up to it, it's more just going into it, where it's like, once the venture starts, then I'm like okay, what's gonna happen here, how are these conversations gonna?
Speaker 2:go down weird. I was gonna say like I would love to have a heart rate monitor on you in that situation but, then also, you're such a good poker player that, like you, can't turn on a little poker bluff with the well, so here's my thing.
Speaker 3:I just I love people and I'm good with talking with people. So it's not as if I shut down or I'm anxious in that scenario. It's just that fear of getting taken advantage of where? Because I'm just a kind person and I assume, if I tell you that this is what I come in with or this is like you're low-key, scary looking and car salesman.
Speaker 1:Like car salesmen are like sorry if you are a car salesman and you're listening to this, but like most of you are fucking douches.
Speaker 4:You know what I'm saying them and dentists.
Speaker 1:But like legit, you could walk in there and be like listen here, fucking cole. Okay, can I be honest?
Speaker 3:the guy we dealt with was lucas and he was premium like mid-20s slick hair, jim bro, like 100 percent super douche and you could just literally be like this is how it's going to go.
Speaker 1:Yeah, okay, and he'll be like yes, sir yeah you got it, bro.
Speaker 2:I just going to go crush this protein shake real quick.
Speaker 1:And then he goes to his finance manager. He's like I don't know, I gave him all the fucking lines. I overcame the objections. What do I do? That's how Cole and Lucas talk to each other Pre-gym pump.
Speaker 3:Derek, the finance guy was actually all right, I didn't mind Mills Motors.
Speaker 1:Is it Mills? No Kia, oh Kia, Fucking Kia.
Speaker 3:Is that a Kia minivan? Sorry, sorry, I didn't realize. You purchased it from there, great Kia.
Speaker 4:Great, great, great, reliable vehicle. A lot of nice Kia vehicles I know, no, they're great.
Speaker 3:It's a nice, reliable automobile Car purchase. Listen, it's not an experience that I enjoy, for that, yes, the whole setup. But all in all, I think it was positive. It was a good day for meg and I to be together. My wife, in case you're new here um, because, yeah, murph had a birthday party to go to and then went to a play date. Afterwards, um, my son, cooper, went to grandparents place for the day, so then meg and I could just go out and do this little shopping adventure and not have to drag the kids around. And that was nice because then we could like. Even though it's stressful, it's not something that either of us are good at, because Meg, if I'm bad at it and I think she would agree with me here, so I don't think I'm going out of place here, but she's much, much worse. Oh okay.
Speaker 3:She's a people, pleaser, she almost had us in a brand new bronco because she went on her own and went around and I was like, okay, one thing's for sure, you're going out, you're not signing a damn thing you cannot sign this up for a vehicle here.
Speaker 4:Broncos are pretty cool.
Speaker 3:Oh, they're a lot of fun but I burst her bubble hard on that. She's wanted a bronco since the new design came out, yeah. And she's like all right, can we go chest drive it like we did a couple of first? And she's like can we go see the bronco? I was like we'll go see the bronco babe, fully well knowing this wasn't gonna happen. Um, but we went there. But she could tell my energy as soon as we got in it. I backed it up. She's like isn't this fun? I'm like it's, it's great babe. I didn't love it. I didn't love it. Well, the thing to me about broncos this is becoming a car sales podcast, but whatever, uh, it was similar to like in a jeep, like it's very oh you don't feel insulated.
Speaker 3:It's got a hard top because it goes convertible and that's what she kind of loved about it. But you, you don't feel as insulated from the outside, like you hear a lot more, and then they're not great suspension either. So you kind of feel every bump I said to maggots like it feels like a tonka toy, like it feels like you're driving a toy not like you're driving a vehicle, especially when you're coming from a minivan, like minivans are very much comfort like they're just.
Speaker 3:They're built to just glide along the road because you want kids to sleep.
Speaker 2:People driving them usually look pretty smooth.
Speaker 3:When I drive by them though, and it's a very nice vehicle. Don't get me wrong, but cole and lucas, probably have the bronco well, we were dealing with caitlin. She was lovely, but she was younger and her and meg were vibing, so then it was just like a that's what. She had her sold up the river. She was like she was gonna buy this bronco and I'm like, babe, it's not even close to our price range, not even in the same area, poor caitlin yeah, it isn't fun actually.
Speaker 2:That reminds me I forget who asked the question and I will find it while you're doing that instagram.
Speaker 1:Uh, it was my daughter's eighth birthday oh, oh, yeah, over the weekend and I had the responsibility of taking her to a specialist appointment. Okay, for her birthday.
Speaker 2:Wow, what a great party. Hold on, shut up for a second.
Speaker 3:There it is Her birthday. There it is.
Speaker 1:There's always one in an episode Her birthday was on Saturday, okay, so this was on Thursday. Right, I took the day to have a daddy daughter day, yeah, but mixed into that was a specialist appointment. So she had to go to the specialist appointment. We couldn't move it. And robin, my wife, had to have a work meeting. She couldn't get out of it. So she's like super anal about being at every doctor's appointment. Right, she does not trust me to pay attention to what doctors are saying.
Speaker 1:Fair enough and then this motherfucker came in wearing a mask. So now my adhd. I'm like trying to focus on every word that this guy's saying. Right, but now he's got a mask and all I can think about is his mask, and not just like the surgeon mask, like the ones that we used to wear with like k95s whatever, whatever it was and I was like okay, fuck, here we go. So I'm like dialed in and I passed the test. Everything was great, everything was good wait, wasn't it?
Speaker 3:your daughters no, but the test was. The test was for me, for sure, robin gave me like I need to know this.
Speaker 1:I need to know that, I need to know this and then I have like I'm like hold on. I have notes and I'm trying to reiterate all this yeah.
Speaker 1:So, anyways, we get out of the thing, and the plan was we were going to go buy her a new bike for her birthday. Okay, we were going to go for lunch after, because it's here, so it's far away from where we were. So, anyways, I'm like babe, we have a surprise, mommy, and I didn't get you anything for your birthday this year because we want you to pick it out for your birthday this year, because we want you to pick it out. She goes oh, amazing, great she. I go, we're gonna get you a new bike. And she goes well, I already have a bike and bikes are very expensive. Oh, so maybe I could just get a phone she's like, I had a different idea.
Speaker 1:I'm like I got equipped for that I was like fully expecting over the moon excitement and I got like negotiation yeah so now I'm in a joey car sales situation and go well, we can get 20 bikes for the price of a phone, right? Oh my, okay, well then, and the only thing that could come to my mind was like you want to just go to the mall and go shopping, right, and she goes, yes, she's like what can?
Speaker 1:I get and I was like anything you want, she goes, even Build-A-Bear Except Build-A-Bear, I draw the line at Build-A-Bear no more stuffed animals.
Speaker 2:She goes.
Speaker 1:I want to get a Build-A-Bear. So I'm like you have three, you never play with them. They cost so much money. No Build-A-Bear, so she goes. Okay, fine, I spent 200 on the most bullshit the most lip gloss. Fucking hair ties like just dumb shit and 90 of it was stitch that she'll never wear. She bought an air freshener.
Speaker 2:An air freshener because it had stitch on it. Because it had stitch I got a perfume.
Speaker 1:I got her like all it was yesterday, except the build-a-bear thing took her to starbucks. It was awesome.
Speaker 2:I was just like I actually loved it she was in like on cloud nine except you came home without a bike and your wife was thinking there would be my wife, my wife, she comes home, she goes.
Speaker 1:What did you get? Because I have two bags of actual garbage Actual garbage Daddy got played and I was like she didn't want a bike and she goes. You said no to a bike, she's like. Well, I asked him for a phone but he said no to that. So look what.
Speaker 1:I got and then a water cup with Stitch on it and a fucking donut, I don't know, but anyways. So we do this whole. A water cup like, just with stitch on it and a fucking donut, I don't know, um, but anyways. So we do this whole thing. And then, robin, you know what the things wives do when they talk through their teeth.
Speaker 2:Like you weren't supposed to get a bike as if she's not fucking standing at your nipple height and can hear everything your teeth are saying right now.
Speaker 4:She's like.
Speaker 1:I thought we were going with a bike. Mean, she didn't want a bike. We look down at her, she's fucking not shaking her head, no. And then she goes well, my mom's gonna take her shopping tomorrow. And I was like, oh shit, I'm like what are you gonna get a thing? And she was I'm getting a brilliant, she gotta build a band.
Speaker 1:Yeah, man, this girl is she's good she's calculated as fuck you're screwed well played Thursday was like daddy daughter day Friday she went out with her grandparents, got the thing that she wanted, like the thing that she wanted, and then the Saturday was her birthday party and she's just like checking off this girl got so much shit. We're on monday right now. The the guard. The bags of shit that she got from her birthday are still in the bags at our front door because she's just overwhelmed with shit.
Speaker 2:It's crazy, anyways, so that actually transitions quite well into this question Following Joey's question as well about the bike or the car.
Speaker 2:So it was from Keegan Reynolds, and Daniel Lansdowne of our Patreons has also kind of mentioned this. This guy, keegan, is younger, with a kid, and he asked his question to you guys is how did you deal with the fear that comes with the financial aspect of having a kid? Was that ever something that you thought about with having kids, thought about with your second, your third um, that you gave any thought to? How did you work through those feelings of financial fear or how your how this might carry out throughout your life? Um, because I know, daniel, they're expecting their second, I believe right, and he has talked about like he's giving up um alcohol for a month because he's just like budget's getting tighter and he's realizing you need to start getting rid of the things that you're spending some of your excess money on that aren't benefiting you and your family. So he's making some good choices to kind of budget out for their family, right.
Speaker 2:But I definitely understand that fear that comes along with that, especially in those beginning years of having a baby If you don't have much help from family or friends. I know we did like a diaper party for some of our friends, so you're kind of loading them up with diapers to get things going. You're very used to your single life or your uh, what is it called the dual income? No kids, oh yeah dink life or whatever.
Speaker 3:Yeah, it's something like that. Dual income, no kids. Yeah, anyways, dink dual income, no kids.
Speaker 2:I can't, it's not a great abbreviation, abbreviation, but it's but that lifestyle of like getting what you want when you want it because you have that expendable money, but now that money needs to go towards kids or saving up for university I think it's circumstantial, like obviously we don't know the circumstance of different situations, like my.
Speaker 1:When we found out we were having my daughter, I had just lost my job two weeks before that, right, and that was like the end, all be all. So for me it was kind of like a what, what like, what are we, what's gonna happen? Kind of thing, and there was like real.
Speaker 1:It wasn't enjoyable if that makes any sense I do remember like legit sleepless nights of just not knowing how I was going to work, like how things were going to work out. I just kind of had faith that they were going to work out.
Speaker 4:Yeah.
Speaker 1:And what I kind of noticed was budgeting does help, but things just kind of shift a little bit, so like you don't really eat out, you don't really, um, spend the money on the booze. You don't necessarily go for dinner, the dates don't really happen as much, but all of that stuff kind of goes to. Instead of buying 50 bucks in beer now you're buying 50 bucks in diapers right, so like changing priority, yeah, shift.
Speaker 4:Yeah, your prior exactly, but was that something?
Speaker 2:that you mentally did intentionally, or something that just naturally changed.
Speaker 1:I think it's natural, and my wife and I actually had this conversation because a friend of mine, a friend of ours, is expecting, and they were saying the same thing, and my wife's response was different than mine. But she said the early stages aren't expensive, right, because you have the most help. Yeah, so usually people. Uh, that's when, like you know, like you can get uh hand-me-down clothes or you can like people rally together oftentimes yeah, a kid doesn't care about their outfit, right like you can put them in anything first three, six months usually aren't expensive.
Speaker 1:It's when they get older and they start to get like different interests and like fucking lego when you get into your lego era shit's over expensive air and that's.
Speaker 1:That's where, um, I didn't really realize it because, yeah, same um, we, we kind of stack our, our expenses and like how we manage our finances and stuff, whereas, like I really realized that robin was overwhelmed when it came to like birthdays and christmas and stuff like that, because it was like a, okay, maybe we need to start planning for this earlier on in the year, kind of thing yeah and so and it depends where you live, like your expenses could be different, yeah, depending on, like, what the child needs as well.
Speaker 4:So those are financial stresses we didn't really have to deal with at all. Right, so that would be difficult.
Speaker 2:Right, like if you're having a baby in the States and how much like your hospital bill is going to cost.
Speaker 4:Yeah, if you don't have insurance to cover it all, yeah, shit, that would be nuts, because I'm pretty sure it's like over 20 grand, like 30 grand to have a kid. You always hear like, yeah, different, I'm sure state to state it's different or something like that.
Speaker 2:Depending on god bless our health care, those good three times it did great for us um, but yeah, because joey and I started our company bro was construction when we had had aria, so we literally, like we had sold our house, that joey and I bought together our first home and we each moved into our new homes and I had a baby in october and then we started our company in february.
Speaker 3:It's weird timing, man. I remember we started the company too because it was like like okay, what do we need to live Right? And I think at that point we said, okay, if we can each make 40 grand a year, we can live. Just like, what is our base minimum? We?
Speaker 2:can get through on Like we can do this right. We can do this. Yeah, it was wild.
Speaker 2:And yeah, like it's even thinking of having multiple kids, getting to the point with three. I think we just made the decision to stop, partially because of finances. One, realizing we're only going to be able to contribute so much to these kids with our current way of living. Um, if we had a lot more money, would we have had more kids? I think we probably would have. I think we would have to, um, because you would have just had more resources to be able to help you and be able to do some of those things, fucking thing.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it is, it is but I think like it's a responsible decision too. Like I was on instagram the other day and it was like I wanted 20 kids but my husband only wanted three guess how many we had. And then, like 20 kids walk by and I'm like how I said to my wife, I'm like how the fuck do you pay for 20 kids? Like you are not going to mcdonald's. That's a team, that's for one team. Like you are like you have to have a farm because you think of making eggs for that many kids, like for breakfast or pancakes like my fucking son yeah you gotta get the big tray when you go.
Speaker 4:What?
Speaker 3:does that ccb payment look like?
Speaker 4:each month that's a good point three or four grand from the government if they live here anyway.
Speaker 2:But yeah, it can definitely. And, like before we had our first son, that was a big thing that my wife was very aware of because financially we weren't very much in a great spot.
Speaker 2:She wanted to be in our own place, to be able to have our first kid and be able to be in a financially stable place for that so man, like with you guys when you were first, yeah, oh, that's wild, that's a cool story, it was great we had the house together and, like joe and meg were there for those like beginning years of him and getting to experience what it's like to be a parent second hand kind of and he was the first baby that I held, even though he was like the 14th, really. I didn't even know that.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I didn't want to hold kids before that. I didn't trust myself. Well, I was 12 when we had my first niece, right? So then I'm still at that kid age where I'm like you're a little boy, like little girls are like like, yeah, I don't want to touch it, getting a drop it like that just looks like a football to me.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I think not to not to be insensitive about your fear of holding babies yeah, that's fine um I think the fear of finances is very much a male thing.
Speaker 1:I could be wrong, but I think when we bought our first house, I was sick to my stomach. And then it's like how the fuck am I gonna afford this mortgage payment? And then you just it just becomes a thing right. And then you like I bought a car and I was like legit sick to my stomach. I'm like how am I going to afford these payments?
Speaker 2:what would you say your relationship to finances was like before having kids? Or like before getting into a serious relationship? Like, did you have a good relationship with finances?
Speaker 1:like you wouldn't say it stayed ahead of yourself or you budgeted or anything like that I was gym bro I was going out on the weekends and I was like I got it, you got it you were a real coal back then I was a. I was a coal, coal hearted I.
Speaker 4:I think for me, like honestly, uh, this is not a sob story, it's just the reality. Like my whole life has been financial stress. It's like not that my parents did the best they could to like make it seem like that wasn't the case, but the reality is like we never really had much money. Uh, they again, they afforded us every opportunity they could, and like we lived a great life. Um, but it kind of carried over into my early 20s, like when I moved out on my own. I didn't start off on a great foot and it's kind of continued ever since then. Like all I have known is financial stress.
Speaker 4:Like this conversation stresses me out like I've just never, I've never been like I, like I think I've talked about it before like I feel like financially illiterate I just never really. I think the stress of it all has never really made me feel like I've been in control of it at all, to be like, yeah, this is and that's so it's.
Speaker 4:Uh, yeah, the conversation just in general stresses me out, I don't know stresses me out, but, um, yeah, I. But like you say, mark, for some reason you just kind of figure it like you know that it's going to work out and that's the way that I, that's the only way that I know how to cope with it.
Speaker 3:Right.
Speaker 4:Is like I know. At the end of the day, we always make things work.
Speaker 2:Yes, it'll be okay.
Speaker 4:We've had help along the way, but it always works out Like, no matter how tight it is, and so that's the one like saving grace. I have personally, but that is good.
Speaker 1:That's great advice too, because some, like I know of people that have had like very, very difficult situations and I'm not taking away from yours, but like it just figures it. Like you, just you do get through it. And sometimes you're so, you're so in it that you don't even realize how you're making it through. And then until you're so, you're so in it that you don't even realize how you're making it through, and then until you're on the other side of it and you're like, fuck, that was hard, but we, we somehow made it out of there.
Speaker 2:Um, did you have any like spikes of fear when you found out you were pregnant? Like did that ever enter your mind?
Speaker 4:no, I just figured joy uh, no, I just like I just figured we were already like financially tight so I was like it's just gonna just add to the party I wasn't really worried about it again. I just figured like we'll just make it work. Whatever it is that drives maddie nuts sometimes because she's more, she's the one who budgets and stuff like that. She takes care of that stuff and I'm always just like trying to like say it's fine, it'll work out, she's like.
Speaker 2:but how I'm like I don't know, it just always does.
Speaker 4:I just work, I go, work hard and it seems to work its way out anyway, or work itself out. But yeah, I never I didn't.
Speaker 2:The whole having a a kid like starting a family thing didn't really affect me that much in that way yeah, anyway, I can remember before we got pregnant with our first, I was talking to a guy who worked with us and I asked him that question. I was like when do you feel like you're financially stable enough to have a kid?
Speaker 2:he's like never never, you will never feel like you are in a financially stable enough spot to think like now I'm ready to have a kid. He's like never, never. You will never feel like you are in a financially stable enough spot to think like now I'm ready to have a kid right he's like, just you just gotta go for it. And then I came home and I was like, babe, we just gotta go for it.
Speaker 1:Apparently, you just gotta jump in let's go, it's literally like anything you do, though. Like when do you think you're gonna be ready to do x? When do you think you're gonna be ready to do a thing. It's like when do you think you're going to be ready to do x? When do you think you're going to be ready to do a thing? It's like, when do you think you're going to be ready to start your own business, like you? Just, you have to.
Speaker 1:You kind of have to establish some goals, find your 40 grand, like your, your limit or your, you know your floor yeah and then say like this is what we're going to do, and then once you kind of work towards that and if your limit's two kids, we're gonna have two kids you're gonna figure out a way or you're gonna subconsciously make these decisions that kind of stack in your favor and guide you into what gets you through the, the for I don't know what the words is that I'm trying to whatever storm you're trying to get, yeah, yeah, it's hard to give keegan. Is it keegan?
Speaker 1:it's it's hard to give him advice when I don't know the whole situation right, and that's part of it too.
Speaker 3:Right, like I think what we're all sharing here is like you have to lean into what you think is going to work for you. Right, and that's something that's going to be true for anyone. Um, for me at the time when we were about to have kids, like I needed to have a lot of intentionality around our finances, and it just worked out well, timing wise, that we had just started. What was it called? We did it with the financial piece yeah, that had just come out. So it's like a taking control of your finances thing.
Speaker 3:And it was again interesting timing because Dave and I just started the business and I was taking over the finances of the business right out of the gate and that's not something I had done before with where we had previously worked. So I was just in this mode of, okay, make every dollar count and make every dollar, give it a place to go. Um, having to do that with the business and then having that integrate into our life for meg and I, I think was really important for me during that stage. So he had gotten us and like that's what I needed. I needed to know where every dollar was going and know that we were having certain things paid off and there was one of our goals was to pay off the van that we just died and we had to get rid of.
Speaker 3:But you had a lot of good years without payments because we did because we focused on and it was very much like, uh, yeah, dialing back the spending and trying to push money to where it needed to go to in order to pay that down, because I wanted to get that down before we had uh, before murph was one I think was our goal um, but yeah, that's what worked for me and that's what I needed in those times and I think it worked out well I was gonna say I think, like a lot of the times, fear can come from a place of not knowing.
Speaker 2:Oh yeah, so even like with you, with the car salesman, you don't know that industry, the numbers you don't know what like? What does that van actually cost and what are you selling it to me? So they're, yeah, without knowing.
Speaker 2:There is a fear that comes with going into that where, if you had have taken a year and gone undercover as a car, salesman and learned all about the industry, then you would be going into it with like a lot of clarity, like somebody who is a car salesman probably does great at buying his cars because he knows the industry, the same way that we know how to renovate our homes because we know our industry. Um, but I think that's something that can help somebody who is struggling with that financial aspect with having a kid is like listen to some podcasts. There are a lot of financial advisors that you can talk to. There's little practical things like rich dad, poor dad book or like different aspects of things that you can read to help maybe work yourself a little out of that fear, to give yourself some tools and figure out the best way for you to learn that right.
Speaker 3:Like some people might love podcasts, or do you just have somebody in your life that you trust, that you think has their shit together in that way that you can just say, hey, I'm struggling here, like, can you talk me through what this can look like?
Speaker 2:and I think that's one of the key aspects and I'm glad he asked that question because I think there's like sex, politics and finances are the three things that people never talk about yeah, um, yeah, where it can be a very difficult subject to bring up because, um, it has a lot of emotion wrapped up into it, a lot of who you are wrapped up into it I, I disagree.
Speaker 1:I don't think it needs to be. I'm sorry, brian, if it, if it, if it does stress you out and I'm I don't know why you would feel that way, which sounds weird for me, because everything stresses me out.
Speaker 1:But my grandmother was put in a really shitty situation and she made some very educated decisions when it comes to finance and she ended her life with a substantial amount of money and all she did was just take percentages of whatever every single dollar that she ever got she took. She started off with 5%, so 5% of that dollar she would pay herself first, which is a very similar to like the rich dad poor dad principle. He turns it into investments or whatever, but then it goes to like the rich dad poor dad principle. He turns it into investments or whatever, but then it goes to like okay, 10, so when you get paid, you give yourself your 10 and that goes into like whatever it is, and in the beginning you have to develop those habits. So maybe it's you're taking it out of the atm, it's cash.
Speaker 1:Now you got a big, you know an envelope full, full of cash, but you just have to not spend that money and use the money as tools to try and buy things. That makes you more money, whether it's returns and all that other stuff but if you don't have an interest in that aspect of it, it's never going to work. The podcasts aren't going to work.
Speaker 3:The classes aren't going to work.
Speaker 1:None of it's going to work. If that stresses you out, you just the fear is going to be there and you're not going to want to do it. So if you just need money, you need to develop habits into saving the money that you have and the easiest way to do that is to take your. I would, I would recommend, if you're living at home and you don't have any of the you know, if you don't have to pay rent or anything, that's 30. But if you have crazy bills and you've got and like things are tight, then five percent, you gotta. You have to try and develop that habit somewhere and it starts with everything you get. You get money for your birthday. That that's part of it too, right? Five bucks, you're putting a toonie in the jar and it is what it is and it's right. It's to develop that habit of looking forward to getting money because you're you're you have the opportunity to watch your thing grow.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and it becomes.
Speaker 3:It becomes addicting yeah, and I think the biggest piece of advice is start before you have kids, like if you can maintain those habits, you can get into those comes easier it becomes way easier before kids because, especially as you start having multiple kids, you get caught up in the hurricane of having kids, having a family, having things stack up on top of each other and those bills coming in and it becomes much more difficult to establish those habits.
Speaker 1:But there has to be an interest there, because if there, if there's no interest in their sphere involved, then it's, then it's different, right? So it's like, if you want to like, get into investing and all that other stuff, that interest needs to be there.
Speaker 2:Otherwise, otherwise you're just, you're just going to be which was weird, because I never was, and it was one of those like I'm never going to be one of those people, but then I reached an age where I started to care about it. So it might be one of those things that like, if you don't right now, maybe you will eventually, well, I.
Speaker 2:But my wife and my relationship with finances has been interesting because her growing up in a family that didn't have a lot and her dad had made a decision when they were younger that kind of lost them a lot of money and their family's life kind of is where she has zero interest in picking up a book, learning anything about financing. We've tried so many times to like use a budgeting tool and it just like gives her the like heebie-jeebies and stuff like that. But there's been, I think, a lot of times in our life where we've pulled up that financing tool and you're allocating all of your funds and you're like, well, there's not enough to allocate to all these, even areas, and it's like so then what are we supposed to do? Just not do anything and like not have any fun or not live a exciting life or ignorance is bliss, and that's yeah.
Speaker 2:So, like we're fortunate for the situation that we're in, and but a lot of that has come from me putting in that effort that I cared about to to want to learn and make those moves or make those steps for us, um, but it has always been a little hard for us to talk about finances that way. Yeah, where, if I would want to do something, it's hard to. That's why I like having joey, because I can kind of go over those ideas with him. Where if, like, I want to make an investment or we want to do something, and it's like, okay, do you think this is a good idea? And she's like I don't know. I'm like, well, listen to this podcast and this is what this person is saying, and it's like I don't want to do that. Like go talk to joey about it, like all right, fine, and then we would talk about it, um, but it has been something in our relationship that I hope we can kind of continue to grow together on.
Speaker 2:So I think my advice to keegan, too, would be to have some of those financial conversations with your wife, with your spouse, to see um, because I think he said fiance. So they're kind of like, yeah, engaged and having a kid, so they're about to embark on this life together. I think that's one of those great what to expect before you're expecting questions. To ask your spouse is like what does finances mean to you? What is your relationship with finance? How do you like to handle money? Are we going to be pooling this? Are we going to have two separate accounts? Who's going to pay for what? Like, go through some of those.
Speaker 2:It can be an awkward conversation, but I think it's a conversation worth having before baby comes, so that way there's not fights about money when baby is there yeah if she goes out and buys a new set of clothes and you're like we don't have money to buy those, why are you buying new baby clothes like he's only just gonna shit in them and they're gonna get ruined, and then it turns into a fight. But really it was about 20 bucks, not about the baby braids.
Speaker 1:Those things happen too, though, like those, those purchases and things right. The the hard part is not not identifying the purchase or labeling it with you how you perceive it so like the clothes is a good one, because to her the importance level it could be a 10 out of 10, yeah, but to you it could be like you don't even need clothes.
Speaker 1:They fucking wear a diaper just wear a diaper, it could be a completely different scales. Yeah, so I struggle with that with our bed sheets. I'm like a zero to do not care about bed sheets and I grew up I had no bed sheets. I'd sleep on the mattress. Dude, I do it, I did it till we did, we robin and I started. I think robin bought me my first pair of sheet. I'd never because I don't want to spend money on.
Speaker 1:They're so freaking expensive and so into that egyptian cotton dude and it's wild. And then she, her thread count was bananas to me. I never understood and so now we're we're 15 years into this and every time she's like well, we need new bed sheets because we've had these right bed sheets, like we just got these. She's like we've had them for a year and a half mark, like we need new bed sheets. I'm like who the fuck are you?
Speaker 3:these are for life. What are you talking about?
Speaker 1:we fight about that all the time, because it's that different, yeah, scale of importance. So sometimes I think you need to eat some things right right and just pick your battles a little bit. Yeah, but it is an important conversation to have to identify like who's gonna pay for the groceries and and that's 100% your responsibility. Well, I mean, it's all a team kind of thing but, like it is an important conversation Right.
Speaker 2:It. Uh, it has me thinking, cause, like I, this morning I went to a consult that was down by the bridal path area, so which is like super expensive houses in our Toronto area. Um, so I had this consult and the guy has been living in this property for 40 years, built a home 40 years ago and so they need some renovations done to the outside of it. Beside his house is a brand new custom home being built. That's easily multi-million dollar home.
Speaker 2:Oh yeah, and driving in, you're just driving past mansion after mansion after mansion one of the houses had like a full on um, uh, what's it called like america's ninja warrior, setup in the front of the house like like the obstacle course, the whole obstacle course setup that you're driving by. I was like is that like a tv show house or something like what's?
Speaker 3:going on. That was probably their kid's eighth birthday that just happened last weekend american ninja warrior so
Speaker 2:I had the consult and then I just went and drove around that neighborhood for a minute and it was like almost gross but like the amount of money and there were some renovations and houses. I think he said the weekend is building a house down there right and drive by drake's house and it's just absolutely absurd and then I think his house is for sale and it's like empty and it's like you've got this whatever 20 million dollar home just sitting there empty because he's in his other home. So it's like you, when you enter into the world of some of the extremely rich, it feels so weird because I'm walking around talking to the owner of this 40 year old home who's clearly well off for himself. Yeah, the house is in disarray, like it's. It's a 40 year old home right it's not a mansion by any means.
Speaker 2:You're 40, but he not yet, but not bad, we're only turning 39 here.
Speaker 1:Okay, I'm just saying, though Not there yet, that's not that old.
Speaker 4:It's a 40-year-old home when it comes to the style, put it out to pasture, to lab.
Speaker 3:It's basically knock the whole thing down, rebuild it, get a younger model, just getting broken in. He made a comment of his house.
Speaker 1:40 is not even that bad bro. Sign me of. Like his house. He's not even that bad bro like sign me up.
Speaker 2:I talked about a product we can use like oh yeah, I love that we have that in our house in england. It was just one of those like off-handed comments in our other house.
Speaker 4:Yeah, and then the guy summer in rochester.
Speaker 2:A guy that kind of brought me in to introduce me to this guy. So the two of them are talking and they're talking about country clubs and yeah, all this stuff and it's just like the conversation they're having I am so far removed from. I'm like I drove in my like nine, ten year old work truck that's beat up and I sweat my ass across the 401 to get here and pretending like I'm a part of their circle to try to get into their circle and it's just like I don't even know how to quote this job, but it was just one of those bizarre feelings when you're in that pocket of wealth.
Speaker 2:It is so crazy. And then you leave there and it's like you go to a gas station and you're back with, like us, regular joe common folk schluffing it and getting like your tim's coffee for the drive home and your van that's air conditioning doesn't work. Meanwhile this guy has multiple homes and it's like I just can't fathom the wealth. But he's probably stressing about it.
Speaker 3:He's probably worried about it and comparing himself to the custom mansion that's across the road.
Speaker 2:Yeah, exactly Because he doesn't have enough or as much as that person.
Speaker 2:So that's where I think, like when it does come to finances, there is a lot more of personal, um, peace and wellness. That, in my mind, overrides financial peace and wellness, because I think if you're striving for wealth, it will always be something that's not enough. Yeah, where, if it's not, the thing that you're is your primary focus and your primary focus is raising a healthy child and having a healthy marriage, then I think there's so much more importance in that than putting the importance in the financing right um, so that it doesn't cause those issues or problems along the way.
Speaker 1:Perfection isn't the answer. When you're like becoming a dad, it's the presence, like just, oh, just focus on being present and you will like the finance and stuff is going to come, like you're going to figure that out, like we've said, but it's the present that is the most important thing it's funny.
Speaker 3:I just had this moment with coop because I guess he's just figuring out what rich is and like having money, just kind of noodling around these concepts for the first time. So it's just him and I in the truck and we were getting back from something and he was like dad, I wish we were rich. And I was like that was out of left field, yeah, and I'm like you wish you were rich. What does that mean to you buddies like I? Just I think we, if we were rich and nobody else is rich like we had all the money.
Speaker 3:I was like okay, my man yeah I was like, well, for one thing, buddy, like we are rich in context of the world, like we have a lot, we don't have for much. And I was like the other thing is like if you want more, that just means you see me less, what I was like. Well, if we want more, that means me and mom work more to get more money, which means you don't have me in the morning to help you get set up for school. You don't have me in the afternoon, they probably just see me at bedtime. And he's like huh, yeah, I don't want that. It's like that's not what your kids want, right, and like that's not what sticks with them. Like how often is that? And mean, maybe that is just like the outside perception, but how often is it that, like, the rich kids have shitty lives where it's like they don't have a parent that's involved in their life and they don't have. They grow up with all these issues around?
Speaker 1:who they are, but the perception of their life is amazing.
Speaker 3:They have everything right, but they don't have presence.
Speaker 1:Yeah exactly that's. That's it.
Speaker 3:They don't have the parents and the love, but also speaking of budgeting, regal Ideas has everything you could need. We're back with Regal, is that?
Speaker 1:it.
Speaker 3:I don't think they ever left. As long as we keep saying it, we can keep charging it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, exactly Crystal.
Speaker 3:Rail that's for your bridal path. There you go, client right there, nothing between you and the view 10 mil glass lit up with LEDs.
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Speaker 2:But another beautiful product, and you might not know this yet joey um I believe I ran it by you, just whether or not you remember, but we're actually going to be hosting a competition, a regal ideas giveaway. Actually, we're inviting people to send us pictures of your deck design that you have coming up, or your railing that is in disarray and in need of a new railing.
Speaker 2:Okay, we are going to be picking a winner yeah, and they're going to receive a free railing package not installed by the bro laws. We're just giving you the package, okay, but you're gonna get a free regal ideas railing package. So send us pictures of your deck with your dilapidated railings if you are in need um, send us pictures of your designs. If you're a contractor and you got a really cool job coming up, we can hook you up with this contest first time. We've announced it right here this is exciting, dropped it hot we'll send you an installation video, can it?
Speaker 1:be my front porch who are they sending it to?
Speaker 2:I blacked out, uh me uh, just me, so send it to. Okay, uh, info at bro laws. There it is dot ca. Good call dot com dot, ca dot com dot ca or
Speaker 1:canadian um or dm us on instagram at broLawsRUs Yep, hit us up with your pictures, yeah don't do that to the Real Dad Podcast, because I get those notifications and I don't want to deal with them.
Speaker 2:Mark's phone number. Actually, He'd love to be a part of another group message.
Speaker 3:I hate text messages. He does not hate it any more than he currently does.
Speaker 2:Well, so on the past two weekends last weekend, the two weekends ago, we watched dumb and dumber. Kids thought it was hilarious. They loved it. The weekend just passed, we watched ace ventura, pet detective, on friday and ace ventura, when nature calls on saturday like back to back today.
Speaker 2:I just love when, like the stories come full circle, like you show them something like that my son was playing soccer today and he was playing defense, gave the ball away. They scored a goal. It was like one of those like tough ones on him, but then a little while later he scored a goal and it got them back and after the game it was of those like you go and do something like that and totally redeem yourself. And he got it.
Speaker 4:It was just like finally I can use all of the phrases and you'll get it.