The Real Dad Podcast
Each week, these four fathers cover a wide range of "Dad" related topics, from the joys of watching your child grow up to the challenges of balancing work and family life. With their unique blend of humor and authenticity, Dave, Joey, Brian, and Mark provide a refreshing perspective on what it means to be a dad in today's world.
Tune in for the laughs, stay for the heartfelt conversations about the struggles and triumphs of parenting. Whether you're a seasoned dad or a soon-to-be father, "The Real Dad Podcast" is the perfect place to connect with other dads and get the support you need.
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The Real Dad Podcast
Fishing with Your Son: Finding Connection in Nature
Ever feel like you're just going through the motions as a dad? Mark's story might change your perspective. During what started as a tense family cottage weekend, he found unexpected solace fishing with his three-year-old son—a moment that transformed not just their relationship but his entire approach to fatherhood.
"I'm not playing a game with an imaginary friend, I'm not trying to teach him how to think. We're actually learning how to do things together," Mark shares, describing the first time he felt a genuine, mutual connection with his son over something they both enjoyed. From reluctantly using a "bitch glove" to confidently handling fish bare-handed, his evolution as a fisherman parallels his growth as a father.
The conversation expands beyond fishing to explore the universal struggles dads face: the passenger-seat dynamics with spouses (complete with the dreaded gasping and arm-grabbing), balancing screen time during summer months, and the crushing anxiety that comes from trying to juggle work responsibilities while creating meaningful family moments. The guys get refreshingly vulnerable about their mental health journeys, discussing how community support and mindset shifts help them navigate these challenges.
What emerges is a powerful reflection on presence. As one host puts it, "All of our struggles or whatever's causing us anxiety is really just a fight to get back to living in the moment." Through fishing trips, backyard basketball games, and impromptu ice cream runs, these dads are discovering that the perfect father-son bond isn't something you force—it's something you find when you're both just figuring things out together.
Follow us on Instagram @realdadpodcast to join our community of fathers learning to embrace both the failures and triumphs of dadhood. Because like the Wright brothers who brought repair materials to every flight attempt, parenting means knowing you'll fail daily but believing the journey is absolutely worth it.
I feel like fishing is such like a stereotypical, like dad thing where it's like the dad would take the kid on the fishing trip.
Speaker 2:Right. Last summer was my very first fishing experience. I failed miserably. I didn't know how to take the fish off the hook it was. I had to step on it. It was bad. A little sunfish. Come on, man, listen.
Speaker 1:He's learning. When the fish is so small, like it's almost harder to get the hook out, when, like, you can't really grab it, yeah, and then you can't get your finger, like your thumb, in its mouth either and it's just like this thing is smaller than the hook.
Speaker 2:How am I supposed to grab this?
Speaker 1:yeah, welcome to the Real Dad Podcast. I'm Dave and I crushed my son and the neighbor in basketball yesterday. Oh, what a boy, I'm Joey.
Speaker 3:I didn't know we were going to do another Startup Story time. Been doing it for months. Yeah, we have, and I forgot forgot about it. So you just get to know that I'm joey my name is mark.
Speaker 2:It's a privilege, hi, mark. My belly hurts, my hands hurt. I almost died this evening.
Speaker 1:Facts, and I was just gonna say boring, but then you said that I was like I can't say boring now thank you.
Speaker 2:I don't want you to die and I touched a fish. I took a fish off the hook first time this weekend.
Speaker 1:Suck that prom king I'm brian and uh, what do I got for you? I dumped my wife and my uh, my youngest son off a seadoo a couple weekends ago that went over well on purpose.
Speaker 3:Nope this part wasn't on purpose it just happened tight turn, and then it was like uh, just take me back to the dock it wasn't that bad.
Speaker 2:It wasn't that bad well, hold on hold on wait, wait, shut up for a second if you take her back yeah, leave the kid on and take him for a rip do you get to go out again. Oh, yeah, for sure. Wow, I would love to be able to do that and not feel guilty so did we talk about how our wives feel about our driving?
Speaker 3:Because I don't know if this was an on air. I don't know if this was an on air or off air.
Speaker 1:You said your wife was on the CD right.
Speaker 3:And she was yeah.
Speaker 1:And then you also say that when you're driving, your wife is a little like on edge when you're driving Like she does that and like reach across, she does do that. And then you were driving the, she does the and like reach across, she does do that. And then you were driving the c2, I was and I was giving her.
Speaker 3:So I can't handle this might have reinforced some, uh, some of her feelings.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, yeah no, I I must say I have driven with brian as the uh the pilot and I felt rather safe and it was a great experience and control.
Speaker 2:That's it.
Speaker 1:It was a very rare time that I got to drive the Brolaz vehicle with Dave in the passenger seat.
Speaker 2:Joey is usually the pilot of that. I've driven in the back of that van with no seatbelts and I felt super safe.
Speaker 3:There you go.
Speaker 1:That's great, I think we would all probably let Joey do surgery on us. We just feel safe with Joey If anybody could figure it out on the fly. It would be Joey. Yeah, Give him a video.
Speaker 3:Figure it out, that might be a little much.
Speaker 2:I don't think so, but not my wife.
Speaker 3:So my wife is still very similar to Brian's when it comes to driving she's still she's not nervous with me, but she overreacts.
Speaker 2:Yes, yes. So, like she's not the general vibe, the gasping needs to end. It needs to fucking end now. So unnecessary. And if you're listening to this with your partner in the passenger seat, I don't know what to say to you, but I it needs to stop. It needs to stop. It's outrageous. It's going to cause an accident.
Speaker 3:I'm pretty sure it was an off podcast conversation. It was off podcast conversation we had.
Speaker 2:yeah, I think it was at the couch, okay, um, yeah, one that I wasn't invited to, but thanks. So much sorry, but it's a great conversation another summer are you real dad?
Speaker 1:podcast primary driver when you're driving with your spouse, always yeah, 98 of the to the point my son the other day.
Speaker 2:Um, my wife was driving so that I could do some work and my son called me out and said you're sitting in mommy's seat?
Speaker 1:yeah, because I was in the passenger seat yeah, yeah, yeah I was like what are you doing?
Speaker 2:you're sitting in mommy's seat.
Speaker 3:It happened to us too recently, because I think, oh, we were going to drop the kids off in the morning and meg got in and then I was like, oh, I think it was an office day. So I was like, okay, I'll come with you for drop off, because I never get to go to that. So, I just ran out quickly and jumped in the passenger seat and Cooper's like dad, what are you doing?
Speaker 2:I was like I'm going to come with you to drop-off. He's like man, you don't sit there. It's a very similar situation. Right now I am man Like mom drives you both days. You know that she could drive, but when we using for them I went in the back seat one day.
Speaker 1:The kids were fighting. None of them wanted to sit in the back seat. That's a good dad. And I was just like fuck it, I'll sit in the back seat. There you go, and it was actually quite nice, sat back middle so that my legs were in the like lots of leg room.
Speaker 2:How many snacks did you ask for?
Speaker 1:but I was like the legit, this is kind of nice back here. You got cup holders, you got a little tray you could have things in.
Speaker 2:No, you need to ask them for so many things so that they have to turn around and know that it sucks ass to have to make like contort your body
Speaker 1:in that way tell them. Here's your fucking ipad charger tell them you dropped your phone and they need to pick it up for you.
Speaker 3:Yes, that was a moment you could have had. I'll do it again. I'll do it again for you, boys I didn't live it up to the opportunity I should, dad, I'm in an ad.
Speaker 2:Can you fix this?
Speaker 1:I was too busy making the back seat a big deal so that the next time we got in, one of the kids would be like I want to sit in the back. Sure enough they did. They wanted to sit in the back with me and I was like, okay, now this is becoming a thing.
Speaker 3:Well, too far yes, I'm usually primary driver, meg uh, she isn't nervous energy when she's there, but any little thing that could happen is very like there's a gasp. There's sometimes the arm grab oh my god, it's usually absolutely nothing like there's like a person at the side of the road or a bird, or a bird fucking 50 feet in front of us.
Speaker 2:That just happened to fly across the road. I grabbed your arm when you're driving.
Speaker 1:No, I cannot. What if you did that with the, with your buddy? You wouldn't be allowed to sit in the front seat anymore the leash for your buddy is way shorter yeah, it's a great video for like social and stuff like that it's just like an experiment.
Speaker 3:It's like calling your buddy to say good night I actually like that one just pull over to the side of the road, get in the back, yeah my wife is probably a better driver than me, though my wife's nowhere near a better driver than she ran out of fucking gas yeah but my wife's too, like slow and cautious your wife's a safer driver. She's a very safe driver.
Speaker 1:That's me but to me it's one of those like when she's driving and I'm sitting in the passenger seat, it's like I can't stand it.
Speaker 3:I am on edge, I'm not nervous.
Speaker 1:I'm just like why are you making that like? Just go, like just go around, but I don't have those thoughts. When, like joey or brian were driving, I never thought once like weird, why, why are you driving there? I'm just way more critical of her driving for some reason.
Speaker 3:That's weird, it's very weird that means she's your safe place. Maybe, I don't know well, we're also your safe place I don't know I have nervous energy when meg's driving. But I think that's just me not. I'm not used to being a passenger like I'm you want to be in control.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's true, I can't stand when someone doesn't know how to coast. If they're all gas and all break, I can't do it. That's a problem I can't do it, my in-laws do it, and then and robin does it and I call her out on it, she's like no, I'm not. I know how to like. I know I was like this isn't, this is black and white there's no gray area here. You're doing it right now I'm jolting I shouldn't you?
Speaker 1:should never have to jolt if, if everybody knew how to coast, there'd be far less traffic jams. Thank, you.
Speaker 2:That's science, it's common sense it's common science, boys anyways, listen, tell me, um, I don't know what we're talking about tonight, but I'm going into this. Anyways, we had this family camping weekend, okay, and I got fucking sabotaged, okay like camping.
Speaker 1:Are you in a tent or are you in?
Speaker 2:a trailer.
Speaker 1:I don't camp in a tent.
Speaker 2:When we rent cottage, we watch outdoor boys on youtube if you haven't. Yes, you mentioned that man it's so good he doesn't attend so I might have to start, but anyways, sting is the only camping. Just saying, every year we go to my family's cottage to which my aunt lives there.
Speaker 3:Okay, stop, it's very distracting really annoying little flies it's very distracting they're over here I think it's this uh iced tea that I left here for the past week oh, jesus, take the wheel aunt's cottage. She lives there.
Speaker 2:You're now there for the weekend I have been protecting other people's feelings and not airing out my dirty laundry, but I'm about to fucking air it out that's why we come here so my wedding happened a month ago yes, okay. And my brother decided not to show up yes, okay. So then this turns into like everybody's, like I don't. Like he told me he was coming, fuck that guy, essentially.
Speaker 2:Oh my god I haven't I haven't had an apology, I haven't had a phone call. I haven't had a phone call, I haven't had nothing, okay Okay. So we're like are we going to this cottage weekend thing? And I was like I don't know if I really want to. I don't want to, and then the kids, is he?
Speaker 1:going to be there. I didn't know. Okay, but I can't?
Speaker 2:I don't think so, gotcha, and no one told me. You can see where I'm going with this Okay. Yeah, stealing up, but the kids were looking forward to it the whole entire time. Obviously, yeah, because it's like a fun family weekend, absolutely. So we go. I get there and he's fucking right there. Yeah, and I'm now livid, yep, super angry, uh-huh as you should be.
Speaker 1:Why are you doing this? I get like that sometimes when I get angry, yeah, the top lip comes down the tongue just brushes it vigorously. The more angry, the faster it goes glide, my little my tongue across my lip and I breathe a different way too anywho, you can see him. Are you still in the car?
Speaker 2:no, okay, you're out. The cottage is very big. Yeah, okay, and uh, they're around back and you park on the side and then you walk camping. You walk down. Sorry, family camping is in two weeks oh, okay, so I got confused.
Speaker 2:This is the race and fucking weekend very different yes, so this is at a cottage, full-on cottage, not roughing it at all, okay. And I walk out there and now I have my son and he's three and his name's maverick. So I have mav's hand and I'm walking down the thing and I instantly fucking see dickhead there, yep. And then now I'm angry, I don't say hi to anybody, I don't think. I just kind of toss my hands up like waving and then I start talking to my son very loudly, but like trying to be toxic positive here I'm like hey bud you ready to go fishing?
Speaker 2:we're gonna have the best time and he's jacked because he loves fishing oh yeah, I love fishing. Take that kid outdoors so I went we here now. We bought worms. We brought worms. There was only 18 in the thing and I needed these worms to last the whole weekend, infinity, yeah, so to infinity and beyond. So I was gonna say yep. So I grabbed these worms and now I'm sitting down on the thing and I start ripping them into like thirds amazing okay, and we're putting them on the thing.
Speaker 2:And not only does he, every cast he sends out, he catches a fish, oh yeah well over 50 fish, just a massive sunfish, little little little bass and stuff like this. Now for the listener, I just started fishing. Okay, last summer was my very first fishing experience. I died. I failed miserably. I didn't know how to take the fish off the hook it was. I had to step on it, it was it was bad come on man listen
Speaker 1:he's learning, I was learning and I, and so everybody grew up on the pond not everybody I didn't even.
Speaker 2:The first time I even saw a snake was when we moved to the country.
Speaker 3:I don't know.
Speaker 2:Anyways, so I take my son down to go fishing this year, but I have a bitch glove. I put the glove on every time I got to take the thing.
Speaker 1:Which is actually kind of better for the fish.
Speaker 3:from what I've heard, and it's smart for your hand.
Speaker 2:But nobody does it, so it was, I feel, demasculine.
Speaker 1:Is that a word Demasculinated?
Speaker 2:I'm happier that the three of you didn't know what that word was it's in that wheelhouse. Everyone looked at Brian.
Speaker 3:Yeah, we all did.
Speaker 2:Is that a word, right, brian? He said it, then we all said it to sound smart.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, um brian he said it, then we all said it to sound smart too.
Speaker 3:Yeah, yeah, brian's nodding, brian's nodding, yeah yeah no, no, totally um
Speaker 2:so we're at the dock and we're casting and catching, and casting and catching, and casting and catching. Yeah, and finally I was like shit. I should probably use this time where I'm like I'm in an environment where my son doesn't know any better whatever, to practice taking the like, grabbing the fish without a glove. And by the end of the day, I was just a no, I was barebacking it, I was, I was just so like check, like mission accomplished I feel dude I haven't been able to like hold one, like with the pinch in the thumb, and like hold it in the mouth yet.
Speaker 2:Oh yeah, I want to, oh but I'm like move anyways. So we're there, and then my son we probably caught, I don't know, like 20 fish, and my son thinks it's so easy to catch a fish that he gets his net. And now we go down into the water, right and he's trying to net these fucking fish that's how good.
Speaker 1:That's hard. The fucker got two with a net dude a net.
Speaker 2:How many fish are in this lake? I don't know, but I'm like buddy. It's not always like this yeah, this isn't. This isn't what like. This isn't what fishing is, though, because he's gonna fucking yeah, it's like going to the casino and just winning.
Speaker 1:Yeah, twice, twice.
Speaker 2:It's crazy so then we're sitting there, whatever, and and like I didn't think anything was going to happen, to make a long story short or to kind of get to the thing, I didn't talk to my brother the whole entire day. We sat on the dock for four and a half hours, I did not move and we just fished until we ran out of worms. And then I lured those fucking hooks and we cast and didn't catch anything with the lures. No, but we were on there, my son and I. Then I lured those fucking hooks and we cast and didn't fit catch anything with the lures no, but we were. We were on there, my son and I, and I get it and I love fishing now and it is, it is like one of the.
Speaker 2:The instant I didn't think about my brother, I didn't think about the situation, I didn't like anything.
Speaker 2:The second we got to the dock it was just my son and I and we're gonna do this thing and it's been a cool kind of thing that we both kind of learn how to do right um, but the whole glove thing was like I was like oh man, I got one like well, let's get him, and he like ran to get the glove to like put it on, so he's wearing this oversized fucking glove and he's like I got it, dad, I got it, I got it and I was like come on, we gotta fucking take this fish off the next level.
Speaker 1:Yeah, we got this.
Speaker 2:Uh, it was really cool and anyways, I'm fishing off the dock, I have my feet in the water and um my crocs are in support mode, so I don't lose them yeah and I'm throwing it out. And then two turtles, painted turtles they come up and now they're cooking. And we, we tested it, they were cooking for my toes, so, like I took, my toes out of the water.
Speaker 3:They just went away.
Speaker 2:Put my toes back in, then they were coming back in. And doesn't mav reach down with his net and scoop up this fucking turtle? My god dude is fearless.
Speaker 1:I can't it's wild, not fearless, but like he's just like an animal can't, like they're just coming to him.
Speaker 2:I have pictures of him in the water with his net, just like going going to town. It's the only picture I took all day, but it was awesome to just put your phone down, disconnect, fully engaged and like actually present and enjoying doing something is the first time that that's ever happened, where it's like I'm not playing a game with an imaginary friend, I'm not like trying to teach him how to think. We're actually learning how to do things together. It was super cool and I enjoyed every.
Speaker 1:That's actually really interesting, because you were learning something. Then like you were doing something for the first time, while he was doing something for the first time, yeah, and it, and it was that it was like dad how do I do this?
Speaker 2:I was like I don't know bud like we're gonna figure it out. He's like what's this one do?
Speaker 3:I was like we'll just figure it out, let's do it and he's like okay, yeah, let's figure it out.
Speaker 2:And then we're just like I'm putting this lure on. I don't know what it does. I'm like send it, let's go boys and uh yeah, it was. It was an amazing way for, like, the shitty angry feeling of resentment that I had Right Literally washed. It took four and a half hours but it washed away. Yeah, right, and then you know, we eat dinner. I just kind of pretended that my brother wasn't even there, and then we get in the thing and everything was great.
Speaker 1:So it was like a really good day I feel like fishing is such like a stereotypical, like dad thing where it's like the dad would take the kid on the fishing trip, right, like it's very dad, like, well, mom would do the bacon at home. Like it's like it is very old school traditional moments, but it was a part of me.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's cool, I'm not even done yet. So next weekend, this weekend coming up, right, I'm not even done yet. So next weekend, this weekend coming up, right, I'm going to my buddy brown's cottage. Yeah, and it's like all my buddies and they're they're bringing their kids up and stuff like that. So it's kind of like a cool moment where, like our friends, kids, get to kind of all play together and brown has a boat and all that stuff.
Speaker 2:So mav was like jacked and I, selfishly, was using the last weekend to like I'm like I don't need these guys roasting me, because last time I did this with them and I had to like step on the fish and take it off.
Speaker 3:It was bad.
Speaker 2:So now I'm like yo fuck you guys.
Speaker 1:I can do this, I can take a fish off a hook feeling good about it, 40 years old, for crying out loud when the fish is so small, like it's almost harder to get the hook out when, like, you can't really grab it, yeah, and then you can't get your finger, your thumb, in its mouth either, and it's just like this thing is smaller than the hook. How am I supposed to grab?
Speaker 3:that morning we were at the cottage with the boys. I went down early in the morning and I'm fishing off the dock and it was a fish with two uh hooks off of it and it caught a fish. It grabbed the front one but then, as it was swimming and thrashing, it hooked into the side of the fish, oh yeah. So then it was going nuts, but now the fish is like bent on a 90 degree angle and I'm like I don't know how to get this thing out.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I had to try to pin it down to the dock. I did that trick, tried halfway, had to dip it back in the water so it could breathe for a little bit, brought it back up eventually, just ripped it out it's funny's funny because now that those treble hooks, so mav was saying he's like, what's this one for?
Speaker 2:it's like the fish with like two hooks. That have three hooks on them and I was like I, that's for fishing off a boat, dude like I don't even know because, I don't know, I'm like if I catch a fucking fish with this thing, I don't know how to take it off, yeah if you don't have a good set of like long needle nose pliers, I do okay.
Speaker 1:Yeah, definitely helpful.
Speaker 2:I was just kind of like I have my little, like I got the pliers in there, that helps.
Speaker 1:And then if they swallow the hook or something like that, when I had gotten into fishing too, I got there's like a little clamp thing that you can get to clamp their mouth, because I had read somewhere that you like, the less you touch the fish, the more likely it is to survive when you throw it back in. Oh, um, so you could like use this little clamp thing if you didn't want to use your hands anyways. Fun fact, um, but I was just thinking of lures and all the different types of lures that there are for getting fish, and there's so many and it's like you can go down a deep rabbit hole we just we discovered a new lure on the weekend the guys weekend that we're on that.
Speaker 1:Didn't know that fish would go for. Brian figured it out, I think, Actually didn't you, Brian? The lure that the fish nibbled.
Speaker 2:Can we all pretend the flies don't exist?
Speaker 3:Oh yeah, we all see the flies. Right, we all see the flies.
Speaker 1:Stop moving for the flies. It took me a second to figure out what dave was talking about, but we're sitting around the lily pad. Look like uh hanging off the lily pad in the in the water and uh it's like a big floating okay, not an actual lily pad.
Speaker 1:Yeah, no, it's called lily pad human lily pad, giant piece of foam in the water. Yeah, yeah, uh. And there's a lot of horse flies around right or deer flies, whatever they were big flies. Yeah, uh, and our buddy like reacts like he got bit and I'm like, yeah, I got bit too, but he's like no, like I really got bit, and then, like probably 10 seconds after he reacts, I feel something bite my nipple in the water.
Speaker 1:It like literally just comes up and like nibbles on it and then goes away so that's what happened to him, and then I was like now I know what you're talking about, so a fish gave you a purple nipple fish went after my buddy's nipple first, then he came after mine and then Brian's brother and then my brother came in the lake later and he got it twice.
Speaker 1:He got it on his nipple and then he also has like a big mole on his uh stomach and he almost ripped the mole right off his stomach. It's funny because, like the boys are saying this and I'm like I've always told like my kids and my wife, it's like you don't have to worry about fish, they there's more scared of you than there are of them, but apparently they love Jetson nipples.
Speaker 2:You want to know something crazy. It was last year. We were at Brown's Cottage same sort of thing and my buddy had his baby. He was like a year old and he was everyone was in that little floating thing that you like it's I don't know what to. It's like a circle, yeah, but there's mesh on the bottom, yeah, so you can like sit in into whatever. Yeah, he had his one year old baby. This is him throwing him under the bus here. Anyways, he goes, ah, ah, ah, as if he was getting bit, and he threw, like he tossed the baby to his wife and she, like she, caught him and everything was fine, Like you know whatever he said he wasn't very far away or whatever, but he was like he was like oh, fuck it.
Speaker 2:And then he like spasmed and we were all making fun of him. He's like the fish were fucking biting me. And then my kids are like I'm not fucking going in that water?
Speaker 3:absolutely not, and I'm like fish don't bite.
Speaker 1:That's hilarious that they were like chowing down on the right. Such a weird feeling.
Speaker 2:Such a weird feeling um but so I'm driving home two days ago this is like this is crazy and I call my, my buddy in town and I was like, hey, listen, do you know anybody that has like a? Really I want like a project boat with my son. I want like a piece of shit boat. Yep, tin tippy that I want to be able. Yeah, a tippy like a tenner, just something. I want to build a little mini bass boat with mav and the guy goes. I got 13 of them. I was like, sorry, what you have? 13 boats. He goes, tinners. I said, yeah, he goes. Do you want it to float or not?
Speaker 1:and I'm like if it can float, that would be great be a good start, so then he goes okay, then I have, I've got 11 teen not quite, 13, not quite 11 and I don't know if it's a full 12.
Speaker 2:Do you want me to cut it in half? We'll put it in the back of your truck. And I was like, are you being serious? Because, like I don't want my emotions to get toyed. And he goes you want to come get a boat right now. You can hook it up. I got a trailer. You can put it in the thing and then bring the trailer back. It's fine, it's yours, totally on me and I was like are you kidding me.
Speaker 2:So, oh, dude, but then I had to come here to record with you guys, but this is all I can think about now is building this so many youtube videos building out this boat with my son. Yes, and like the carpeting totally and the chair and the chair, two chairs on top of the little fucking thing. You can put the stuff in there.
Speaker 1:A little trolling can we put the real dad podcast on it. Regal ideas, I'll get them to sponsor you.
Speaker 3:Yes, can we record an episode while we're fishing. Yo, if I can't get a regal ideas like deco with an rdp thing on the side of the boat, it'd be legit it'll be a one-on-one.
Speaker 1:I think we're gonna need somebody in a boat beside us filming us.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I can make that happen. Yeah, I can totally make a guy who's got a lot of boats there's 11 teen of them amazing, um this is gonna be a tv show, I feel bryson could totally trail like track us, yeah, and this could be a thing that's not even far-fetched this dream.
Speaker 1:We're podding on it okay I know you hope when, as a parent, that your kid eventually gravitates to some of the things that you like. Yeah, but when one of your best friends all of a sudden?
Speaker 3:gravitates to one of the things that you like.
Speaker 2:It is an incredible feeling it's so good I'm not kidding you like.
Speaker 1:I was about to hang up the rod almost and you were just reinvigorating it.
Speaker 2:Let's build a rack because I'm about to build mine. I bought a fishing rod like literally just I was like we need, we're at it's time it's time last year. I bought my son it's called simply fishing.
Speaker 2:Okay, okay, and it's like you push the button and you send it, yeah, and like it was fine last year. But now he like zings this thing and it's, it's a, it's a two, two for one, like you put it in and the fucking thing flies out like more times than it stays in, no good. So then I bought my daughter. I bought my daughter one, a Zebo. Zebo, I don't know whatever brand it is, but it's like telescopes, so it can, like it all kind of comes out.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 2:But now I'm like yo, I need a fishing rod. And it's like golf clubs they do different things.
Speaker 1:Oh yeah, they do different things and all the different things and like are you?
Speaker 3:are you fishing?
Speaker 2:youtube videos for you, the education that I'm enduring a lot I have. I haven't done my taxes yet it's crazy.
Speaker 1:You should do that. That's kind of important that's kind of important.
Speaker 2:You might get a rebate and then you can uh yeah, but I'm obsessed with fishing and that's where this whole like I was like, oh, how can I kind of like make a project where it's like it's him and I? It's like that, tim, you know, tim Taylor.
Speaker 1:The tool man.
Speaker 3:The tool man. He had that car, tim the tool man, taylor, this will be like a little version of that.
Speaker 2:But I was like it'd be cool to just a thing like because it's I don't want to get into, like insurance and like all that stuff right. And then he's like you just throw it on the water at that point. But that's what I'm saying. I have my boat license.
Speaker 1:It'll be like, it'll be legit just start with a nine and a half horsepower.
Speaker 2:You don't need anything for that yeah, see, I don't trolling motor, it's got a little control with your foot, that you can steer it with.
Speaker 1:You can even set it to a GPS so that they stay at a certain distance. Let's get Regal on board for this motor.
Speaker 2:We need a motor and then I'm set, I'm all in, because if I make videos about it I can write it off.
Speaker 1:You can write off just about anything. It's a write off, it's a write-off, it's a write-off, it's a write-off. I'll have to contact those kind of people whatever it does.
Speaker 3:Does bass pro sponsor podcasts? Oh they should. They really should be a pretty good idea. Just we're open. That's the real dad podcast is there is yeah, no, I see, we just got to change a letter, the real rod come on.
Speaker 2:We can have our own rod guys, we still could man. Totally that opens up a whole other door of we need. We need somebody that knows what they're doing this is the separate podcast.
Speaker 3:It'll be the real rod podcast. This is off the rails it was on the rails.
Speaker 1:I feel like we. There's a lot of fishing, very fishing heavy, but it all comes back to a dad wanting to do something cool with his kid. True, but it is that bonding, it is that learning growing together.
Speaker 2:Yes, it's like what I'm most excited about is that, like I don't know, with my daughter. It's like she always wants to be with me and it's always like do you want to do this together? Do you want to do that together? And you want to do that together? And I'm like, yeah, and I love that time, but there hasn't really ever been anything that I'm like genuinely interested in, like I'm not fucking learning all the barbies you know what I'm saying, or like I'm not watching youtube videos on like how to paint my nails and shit like that with it.
Speaker 2:When it comes to like fishing in particular, he loves it so much that I just kind of like I was like fuck, I don't know if I can do this and then like I said, we had that moment on the water where I was like this is awesome and it's like it doesn't feel like a chore, and it's the first time in my parenting career where the time spent with like it doesn't necessarily feel like a chore not that, not that aubrey is a chore, but you know what I'm trying to say, what you mean, yeah, which brings up an interesting question though, like of is is it easier to connect with certain kids of yours than others?
Speaker 2:well, my wife said that she doesn't have a favorite. I was like I can tell you you have a favorite.
Speaker 1:That's bullshit but like just that you bringing that up it just I don't know like you're having this really cool bonding experience with your son, but saying that like it was a little harder or it is a little harder to get into the things that your daughter was into, did you find that when before your son came, like when she was your whole world?
Speaker 2:to be honest, it really has. I think it was the spark that I need because I was in like a knot. I wasn't very I wasn't very happy with my dad level of like output okay, I don't know if I'm saying that well enough how much you were dadding I was like I was burnt out and I didn't want anything. I was just like I'm fucking over this, like I don't know if I even should be a dad, like I just don't. I can't handle the amount of attention that they need yes right and I was like everything was triggering for me.
Speaker 2:And I don't know, maybe it was just like the universe gave me this thing at the time that I needed it but it was like hey, here's a fucking hobby that you don't have to turn into a business, but you probably will anyways but just like, take a second and it it kind of checks all of the boxes that I need to find me peace, it's, there's a stillness there's.
Speaker 2:We're in nature. I love being by the water, even though it's my biggest fear, um, and it it's something else that I can do with my son and it's like a weird thing. While I'm watching him he's engaged. It's where there's no screens and there's no snack time. There's no like I don't have to do anything for him yeah but like learn kind of together. I don't know and it's like a weird.
Speaker 1:It's a weird first for me in the parenting department yeah, as you're talking, I was trying to think of an answer to my own question and I think think I'm having a now that I'm reflecting a harder time connecting with my youngest, in that she isn't really into the things that I'm into, but also I think also there's that little bit of the youngest kind of getting overlooked a little as well, because she's always involved with the things that everybody's doing.
Speaker 1:So I rarely will have one-on-one time just me and her other than at the cottage when we went fishing and that was like our big like thing together, um, which was really special and a lot of fun.
Speaker 1:But at home, in our day-to-day lives, I am finding myself kind of, as my kids are getting older, stepping back more, but I in this moment, thinking about it, wondering if she's then missing out on stuff that my other kids got experience wise on that age, because I don't know if it's that I had more to give as a dad then when she was a baby, like obviously I loved playing with her as a toddler and doing those things, but at the same time, like she's got her sister, so they played together a lot and she's been going out and hanging out with our neighbor friend and the two of them have been connecting a lot. So it's kind of just been like all right, you're good, like you're doing your own thing. All right, you're good, and then I'll play with my son, like play basketball or video games and do stuff with him, and it's easier to connect with him on those things.
Speaker 3:I imagine there would just be that sense of difficulty, right, like you have your older kids that are getting to that next stage that you're experiencing for the first time. We're like Ben's getting 13. He can actually play those sports with you and he can actually compete with you in different things. So you're experiencing that, while your youngest is going through something you already experienced with the older two and specifically your middle child being the same gender, like they're both being girls. You've already experienced what she's kind of into going through right and that realization that you're not going to connect with her in the same way but I guess we do because, I'm usually there for bedtime doing the story time with her and stuff like that.
Speaker 3:So I think we do have the things we're connecting in it's just like trying to like self-analyze those aspects of it and appreciate where you do it right, like because, yeah, once you do find it, then you can have more of an appreciation for it yeah, she's also really good right now, like she's, like she's got her friends, she's happy.
Speaker 1:Uh, seven turning eight, oh my god, um the little one yep, yep oh my god um, but my son is having a harder time over the summer right now because his friends are just like glued to video games, right, and they're playing a game that he's not really into right now. So he's like really bored with it, where I'm like how come you're not playing with your friends, why aren't you doing these? Like they're just playing this and I don't want to play that, it's so lame.
Speaker 2:So then I'm like why don't you see, if he wants to go outside, is it?
Speaker 1:suspect look, why don't you see if they want?
Speaker 2:to go outside.
Speaker 1:They say outside's boring, he doesn't want to go outside outside it's time for some new friends.
Speaker 2:So then, after dinner, introduce them to outdoor boys after dinner. After dinner, I was like okay, should.
Speaker 1:I was like I need to step up here because he's going crazy in the house and he needs something to do. I need to be the person to play with him. So I was like, well, as we were finishing dinner, okay, when we're done, do you want to go outside and play basketball? He was like, yeah bet. So he was like before he did like plate was gone, Shoes are on. He's out there shooting hoops, waiting for me to finish eating everybody else's food that's left on the table before I then go out.
Speaker 1:Um, and he invited his friend out to play. So then his friend came and played one game with us and then he sat down on like the little swing we have in the front yard and was on his phone, right, his friend and ben was kind of just like what's going on?
Speaker 3:like hey, you wanna you wanna play again.
Speaker 1:He was just like I'm gonna go inside and was like just kind of ditched it, like he had zero interest in doing something that wasn't on a phone, yeah, or anything, and like playing is boring. But I'm like they are transitioning into that teenagehood years where playing don't play the same right. But just like I remember just always playing sports with my friends, I was just always outside playing ball, hockey.
Speaker 2:But this kid is just like very glued to screens.
Speaker 1:So I'm after that. I came inside and I was like babe, our kid's doing all right, like yeah, yeah he's on screens a lot during the day too, playing different games, but he still wants to be outside. At least he still wants to play, yeah, yeah. And then he overheard us. He was upstairs and he was like yeah, he said his tummy was hurting and he just used that as an excuse to go inside.
Speaker 2:I was like hey, stop eavesdropping.
Speaker 3:But, he heard us talking about how great he is so it was a good little eavesdrop, that's a good little eavesdrop, that's a good eavesdrop. Yeah, meg and I went on way too much of a uh screens for kids binge this weekend. That was uh, I mean, it's good thing to be conscious of and read on, read about, but man, some people are hard against. Like your kids should not even see a screen until they're 16 plus, and like that's just not possible australia just banned.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, in australia wild all the youtube you have to be 16 or older in order to have a social media account. Yeah, that makes sense yeah, I could see that.
Speaker 3:But these people were saying like screen, like don't even put them in front of a tv, right? I'm like fuck, no, like that, is you need that in order to have time to clean up?
Speaker 2:like we have been doing really well actually with like not sure, like we're jam-packed with like things, on things, on things, on things, and a lot of that is like my like credit to my wife. Like the other day, this is aubrey's uh one week without. It's her first week without camps yeah okay.
Speaker 2:So, um, her screen time has like been on the up in the last two days but, like yesterday robin took her to like this we we have like a low-key waterfall by her house like took her, brought her like computer and um brought up one of aubrey's friends and they were like literally playing in the water and stuff like all afternoon, which is great. And then today she took her to michael's and then just basically bought like a whole bunch of crafts and then that's during like school hours.
Speaker 2:That's what she's doing, is like her some crafts and some of the creativity out of this kid. I'll take a picture and send it. She's like she made a stitch okay playing the guitar and like her, the hand is like a wrapped around the guitar. You can see like the knuckles. And then she didn't have for the belly. It's like a different shade of blue, so she like mixed white with the blue to make it like a lighter shade nice, I was like this is why you don't have screens in front of your kids.
Speaker 2:Honestly, it's impressive what they can do when they have the time to be bored and like figure things out that was our thing, was like being bored is good yes, and like, figure out how to not like, how to solve that problem forces you to be creative.
Speaker 3:100, yeah, and then for us, I think our main thing is like not being scared of the mess that can be made through boredom yeah that's where it's like when our kids we encourage them to like all right, take a break.
Speaker 3:Like play. Our kids make a mess when they play to get everything out. Everything's all over the hell, like it's a bomb goes off. It's like listen, this is what we wanted. We wanted them to just play. They're bringing out everything in the airplane and they are not going to be the ones to put it back.
Speaker 1:Yeah, when we got back from the family cottage weekend and told you this um, we had joe's kids in the van with us. Yep, um, so we get home. Before them, joey's, driving separately, drives our cargo van and it's got all the stuff in it. We just pack all the luggage in. Anyways, we get home and cooper comes into the house and he knows where the little toy bin was. You could follow a trail of toys to where he had been it's like what's this, what's this, what's this, what's this?
Speaker 1:and it's just a trail and you like walk behind him picking them up as he goes, but it's just this little cooper tornado yeah, he brings everything with him.
Speaker 3:It's a gong show. Yeah, my kids are the same are you guys?
Speaker 2:are you done with sports now have your sports all wrapped up ben's still playing soccer yeah I think his hockey just ended but I think his soccer still goes for a bit mav soccer just ended okay on monday and I was like that's it, like I feel like when I was a kid, it was thing but, like a lot of other kids are are done it was like, I was like when we were kids it went to like september, I feel like it was very close to school, right, but they like went all out for their like year-end thing. It was pretty wild. They got medals with like their name on them and stuff like that. Like he's three, so now he thinks he's the fucking best soccer player what a summer he's having so
Speaker 2:they brought in an ice cream thing so they had like ice cream sundaes. You could decorate it. And then I have pictures the the fire department came, oh my god, and hooked up like, sent the hose. No way I have I will show you the photos. They sent the ladder all the way up and hooked the hose up and just sprayed water all over the field and the kids were just going bananas. It was, and there's an adult equivalent of that I don't think there is one dude, but I think adults would also love that I don't know why,
Speaker 1:I'd be sliding around in the club man I feel like we need to hand out medals more often.
Speaker 3:Yeah, what if? We just had medals for our buddies I said, yeah, I think it's fishing like an mvp that we just hand out every once in a while to make somebody feel special, yeah I think we talked about this with the real dad awards just
Speaker 2:making a rainbow. Oh, I literally said I was like you guys were dancing at the bottom of a rainbow that's incredible, didn't even know it. Amazing but it was like how about?
Speaker 3:that water shortage.
Speaker 1:So as an adult, yeah as an adult could we call the fire department and set that up in a random field for us and our friends?
Speaker 2:you probably could, but yeah, it was like people yeah, it was awesome, like it was so cool to like get to do that I, I would like. I won't go sappy, I'm not trying to be braggy or anything, but it's I've been reflecting on, um, um, our summer this year. So, uh, my wife, when she took, when she took the kids down to like this waterfall or whatever to have that summer, it was like inconvenient for her because it's the middle of a work day, right, and she knew that you know Aubrey was bored and whatever, but she still chose to, like, you know, make this core memory kind of thing. So I sent her a message just randomly yesterday and I said hey, I'm just running to grab some materials, but I've been thinking about you a lot today and I feel very grateful that you picked me to do life with. I've always wanted a better life for my kids and seeing those photos of OBS today literally filled my, my heart and I just wanted to let you know how much I appreciate everything that you do.
Speaker 2:I'm literally living my childhood dream life and a lot of that is because of you, and I think it's important to like recognize our spouses, especially in the summertime, because more often than not, they're the ones that kind of go above and beyond for, like the kids and stuff like that, and we can get lost in like the the chaos that summer brings, yeah, but like seeing something beautiful about watching your kids, just like eating ice cream on a summer day, yeah I'm what.
Speaker 2:I'm saying that's like just the bliss and peacefulness of, or even like a core memory that you might not even know happens on those like summer nights. It's awesome.
Speaker 1:I have most definitely been in the like life is moving too fast moment.
Speaker 2:Totally.
Speaker 1:The past. I don't know. Maybe past month or so work has been very, very busy, which has been great considering the slow period that we had before. So I'm just very grateful for it.
Speaker 1:But there's just so much happening that I think it was last week, it was leading up to the guy's weekend I had like a borderline like panic attack where, like my anxiety just built up too up to the guy's weekend.
Speaker 1:I had like a borderline like panic attack where, like my anxiety just built up too much to the point where I was like something's wrong, like my heart was just racing and it's like why, why is this happening? And like thinking had a great chat with joey about it just like having too many tabs and too many things open on the go just hit me and was just too overwhelming. So I had these two days of really high anxiety and then got to kind of go away on this guy's weekend as a little bit of a reset and I definitely felt life slowed down where my phone was away for the majority of that weekend, not doing work, not looking at work emails, so I was able to close the tabs that I had had open and just kind of like hang out with the boys, have a good time and like find that again. Because, like you saying that, I love that and I am very much living that same my life as well, but I'm having a hard time seeing it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, because you just feel yeah, because you just feel like you're moving and it's just that like life is that blur, like you know the picture when it's like there's the still and then everything else around it is just blurry. Yeah, it almost feels like that, yeah, and it's frustrating me to like we had our cottage week with our family and life stood still for that week. And it's frustrating me to like we had our cottage week with our family and life stood still for that week and it was beautiful. And then you have this just chaos and whirlwind, and then I go away with the guys and life stood still for a moment and then it's coming back to life, like coming back to your regular life and to your regular work schedule. And how do you or do?
Speaker 1:you guys have any tips or not? How do you, or do you guys, have any tips or not? How do you find ways to slow life down?
Speaker 3:in amongst the busy chaos. I don't know if it's finding that thing right, like I don't know. I think what you're talking about is the piece of advice, though, like finding that thing that you're doing with mav, like being able to find something that you can insert into a day. I think for me it's just playing with my kids, like that's something that for me, um became that connection between me and them, because I was the kid who always was non-stop and always just wanted to play, and I've held on to that. But somehow.
Speaker 1:but how do you close the tabs to be able to do that? I think it's saying yes, it is the active plan.
Speaker 2:I think it's saying yes to the things that fill your cup and that's going to bring you out of the tabs for a little bit.
Speaker 1:But the things that are filling my cup almost are feeling like they're adding to the stress In that like there's, it's just filling in more time. So like even going away for this guy's weekend I was anxious about because we're taking off on a Friday, which means I'm not going to be productive with work to keep things going. But did you die? No, but that's the thing that I'm having a hard time with. So like each week I've had a super fun-filled summer and it feels like each week there's been something. So even this week, joey and I are going golfing with a guy tomorrow. Yeah, and it's kind of businessy.
Speaker 1:We can excuse it that way but, it is very much taking a moment within the week, but it feels like a selfish moment because my wife doesn't get just a random day off from the kids in the summer but I'm taking time and going golfing. So I almost feel a little guilty about that, guilty about missing work and the productivity with the busyness that we have going on, and then also like how does that then compound everything else? Like I'm missing this day, but then this isn't getting done, so now that pushes to that day and then, oh yeah, monday's a civic holiday, so then that day is off too and it's like I can't, I almost can't enjoy that because it's adding on to the stress of all the other things then I think you need to do whatever it is that will help bring your mindset to like zero and trust the process that it's going to work out all of that anxiety is based on the fear of something you haven't done yet.
Speaker 2:And, knowing that it's it's going to work out the way that it's supposed to, and then pray for the thing that you need to do in the moment for you to not feel that anxiety anymore might find you I'm not, I'm tripping over my words, but it might make it palpable, palpable, palpable it almost feels like the like when you're in a depression.
Speaker 1:It's hard to do the thing to help you get yes, it is and I'm not depressed, I'm like have anxiety that's okay it's okay to be, but it's I know the things to do to help calm the anxiety, but it's hard to get myself to take that step because I don't know.
Speaker 3:I mean part of it, too, from the discussion that you and I had, where it's circled back to therapy is great, and part of the root of that is trying to find out, okay, where is that going to continue to come from? Because you're going through a summer time that, yes, things are crazy and busy and hectic, but that's always going to be life, where we live and with what we do, where, okay, what is the root cause to why, as soon as you come back from the break, all that piles back on again and also the anxiety is right back there again. And where? What is the root of that?
Speaker 3:because when the business is going well, things are cooking along, there isn't really a well, there's a fear that it could not it could go away exactly, but like there's no initial prospect or no nothing showing in the near future for it going away with how, how booked up we are, so then it's figuring out. Okay, why does that pit always stay there?
Speaker 3:right it's something that I'm working on right now through therapy with, like trying to figure out where. Why is that there, where does it come from, and is there a way to solve it? Or is it just a matter of switching your mindset around it, kind of what mark's getting at there? Yeah, I think it's more just adjusting your mindset towards all of that, because a lot of it is going to be rooted in worrying about things that you can't even control yet because they're down in the future, or it's based on worrying about the perspectives of other people, whether that's like clients and it's hard because my literal job is to worry about the future, though, yeah, like, as far as like get like making sure the next job's scheduled and ready, and I have to like stay ahead.
Speaker 1:So then sometimes I can feel like, because my mind is already planning for september, october, it's hard to be in august yeah, but I think a lot of what, if I'm hearing you correctly it's guilt.
Speaker 2:Like when you take time for yourself, you're guilty for your wife because your wife can't take time for her in the summer. Or you're guilty because you're you're not feeling like you're contributing enough to the rest of the team when you're, you know you take a day, kind of thing. So I think a lot of that is like your self talk too, and knowing that it's okay to take these. Yeah, yeah, I try to remind you that when you guys are.
Speaker 1:Like it's like you have the infrastructure in place to take care of all the things while you're not there. So, like don't waste your time worrying about it, because, like, if you're gonna go golfing for a day, please enjoy yourself. Like don't waste your time like feeling guilty while I'm at work. Like that pissed me off more than anything. I know you said that before that's why I brought it up even before we podcasted, because I think joey and I had gone golfing once and you're like, why didn't you tell me you were going?
Speaker 3:like I, I'm excited for you guys to be able to go, but it's the thing we do, and I don't know if it's as guys, because I joked about this to myself the other day, because it happened back to back to you and I, where I had been doing something for myself that I needed to do and then came back to work and like immediately went to work, skipped lunch, like, ate it super fast, went in, you guys went out of date and then you were doing a massage, I think the next day, which is something that dave and I've been like on top of you, like take care of your body, go with massage.
Speaker 3:But I can tell all morning you're like, uh, I gotta go when it's in the middle of the day and I know I shouldn't do it like no dude, like you're going and doing this thing for your body, but it's something that we do where it's like as soon as we try to do something for ourselves, we can't help but think and I don't know if it's just, I think for me, so I'll speak to it for myself I think about the everybody else around me and the opinion that they could have about it and, for whatever reason, I always assume it's bad. Exactly, I always assume it's a judgment towards me again. There's a lot to unpack.
Speaker 1:I am well versed in that as well.
Speaker 3:Yeah, exactly where it's like it's not the case. And even when people are actively, we're telling each other no, I'm not judging you, I'm excited for you, or I'm proud of you for taking care of yourself, or please do that thing. We can still do that. In our heads we're like, ah, but deep down, can I trust them, can I believe that that's not theirs? It's still a?
Speaker 1:judgment there, and it's so much easier to see on the other side of the coin, right, it's like for me to like if I was in your, I'd probably feel the same way, right, but it's like just easier. But so like, why did you start a business? Oh, good question To be able to have freedom to control the schedule. That's awkward. Why are you?
Speaker 2:so selective with the people that you hire? Yeah, exactly To fit the culture that you've built so you're able to do these things and not beat yourself up about it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and I remember when I was chatting with Joe a bit about this. I think some of it for me stems back to that feeling of not being enough, because I know when we talked about my depression or when I would go through like my lows, that's usually what I feel, and then I think also in my highs that also is kind of showing through this, because even though we are busy as hell and have a bunch of things on the table, I keep adding to it.
Speaker 2:But that's your job.
Speaker 1:That's okay, I know, but I just like I keep. I ask myself sometimes, like when is enough? Like why are you adding a new idea or a new thing that you don't have time to fit in or you don't have time to do because you have to be able to take care?
Speaker 1:of the things that you do but, like, those are the things that I'm wanting to like work through, because I think I feel like there are some similar feelings through the lows and the highs, like the anxiety and the depression. I don't even know if those are what they are. It's just how I classify them. Well, yeah, you give it um yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1:So it's been hard to be present because of that. Where I'm finding it's easier to be present? In those blips when I'm taking the time away, but I'm having a hard time turning off work or turning off my brain, the ideas when I'm at home so who?
Speaker 2:who is your like? I know you have a like a bucket full of people that you could kind of reach out to, but for me, when I feel that way, I have like a list of people that I reach out to just to have a conversation with, not not necessarily need anything, right. But if I'm feeling overwhelmed and worked up and I'm like super, super stressed, I have like a a call list like buddies, and then just you shoot the shit and I find that it's. It's enough to just clear your mind, to be like okay, what the fuck was? I think because, right, sometimes if, if you're kind of zoned in and you're like, okay, if I do this, then I gotta go this, and you almost paralyze yourself with this like, yeah, this weird string theory that you develop paralyzation through analyzation you need a squirrel to be like catch your attention and distract you right.
Speaker 2:To be like oh my god, look at that fucking squirrel, what the hell is he doing? Wait, what was I doing again? Yeah and then it kind of catches you to eat the frog. That's good like first, yeah, except I just have that same thing where I don't want to be a bother to somebody so then I'm bothering them, maybe we just all need to start doing shrooms hallucinogenics, but I feel like I'm.
Speaker 1:So I'm in a good place now, so I'm coming off the high of the guys weekend where we got to have fun go golfing, hang out, have drinks. We got to play baseball on the sunday. When we came back, our baseball team was playing, so I had to do all the things and I'm still in a good place and I'm trying to hold that, but it it almost like it feels a little like work, so like on monday at my son's soccer and it was like you know what, let's go to nesco, let's get ice cream, let's stay, let's, let's keep riding this listening to a fun podcast. Today was a great day, so I'm very much doing good right now, but it's. How do I continue to maintain this? You don't feeling, you don't and it's.
Speaker 2:It's sometimes flow, yeah, sometimes it's good and sometimes it's not, and that's okay, that's true, but that's the beauty about it is it's not yeah it's not. It's not maintaining. You don't want to stay like this. That's. This is boring, this is no growth.
Speaker 1:That's a good point right, you need to, you want to kind of do this and in a trajectory upward and I think what you're pointing out to mark is like it's about having a game plan for when you do start feeling that way yeah, what am I? What's?
Speaker 2:my next step.
Speaker 3:It's calling my buddy.
Speaker 1:That's what it is, because you know it's going to come. It's inevitable, especially with our job or the environment that we live in.
Speaker 2:It's too fast-paced for it not to, I just don't want summer to slip away. It's going to slip away and it's going to do it again next year and you're going to be great. One of the things that's helped me lately is it's gone now, so it must have been made up you had touched on.
Speaker 3:If it is what you're thinking of, you had touched on. I was choosing to say yes. At least that's the thing that I was just thinking about.
Speaker 2:Yes, more was like the ice cream stuff like that which is all like kind of surface level, but I do like feel like it's little things, that's that's connected to your, why that like snaps you out of things. And, um, I don't know if it was on the podcast.
Speaker 2:I think it was the podcast that you sent me with simon senec that was a good podcast, so in in the thing that he said was it's not the, the end result isn't the thing right it can't be the thing and in life, like it's it's not the thing, it's enjoying the process and that it sounds so simple to say out loud, but when you're in the shit, it's moments like the text message that it was like it's. Moments like the text message that it was like no hold up. Like I'm. I'm literally living my childhood dream, right now right this second.
Speaker 2:I'm living my childhood dream. I'm dealing with some shit, but it's all like it's. This is only temporary, this is going to be great, and I'm grateful for the life that I have and I didn't die. So thank you, thank you for this lesson that you're giving me right now. I know I'm going to come out on the other end stronger, and that's what I meant about like your, your, your self-talk, because it's really easy when you're in that place to be like you know, I'm no good at this, or I'm not good at this, or I'm.
Speaker 2:You know, this could go away and this could do another thing and if this, and then you get in like a world of shit but yeah, that's what it was.
Speaker 1:It was that drive that got me out of it, because last week it was tuesday, wednesday, that I was really struggling and then thursday I went for that drive on like a material run and listened to a couple podcasts and then I joked about it because I was like I feel much better. Also, I came up with a new idea and pitched it to market.
Speaker 2:But I appreciate you sending that to me because I had to do. I had a really funny we'll talk off camera, but a really funny encounter. Um, the person that's listening to this was with me during the encounter.
Speaker 2:We'll get a chuckle right now that's the only inside joke I'll say um, but I was listening to that and and I resonated a lot with it. Um, you know, I don't know if we can link the episode to it or whatever, but he gives the reference of, like the wright brothers, when they were learning how to develop the first plane, they brought enough material with them every time they went out to fly. In case something happened, they could fix it in the field, so, which means they were going to do a thing, knowing that every single time they were going to fail, right. So every single and and that's the thing, it's like you're gonna be in shit, you're gonna live in shit, you're gonna there's shit is going to happen, right, but it's the, the, whatever it is that you're doing, needs to be enough to be like worth doing, even though you're going to go through some failures right.
Speaker 3:Isn't that just a metaphor for parenting, right there?
Speaker 2:exactly you're gonna fail at it every day, but it's got to be worth it totally, and that's what kind of what this whole thing was, because I've been kind of like what, what do I want to do with my life? Because I'm I feel like I'm at a fork in the road right now with like literally everything. So I'm like what is it that I want it to? It Like do I want to be a fisherman? Now, do you know what I'm saying?
Speaker 2:And it's do. I want to do all these things and I'm like I just want to do life and it doesn't matter, the label doesn't matter, whatever doesn't matter, it's just, you're just just gonna do it and it's gonna change, and some seasons are gonna come and they're gonna be great, and some seasons are gonna be coming. They're gonna be lessons. Yeah and it's just a matter of like ebbs and flows, and ebbs and flows go ahead.
Speaker 1:No, no, I was done okay, I was just gonna say it really does just feel like all of our struggles or like whatever's causing us anxiety is really. It's all just a fight to get back to living in the moment yeah right, all of it. It's just like, what can I do to center myself and live in the now?
Speaker 1:because, like that's, that's your relation, the moments, all the moments that we're talking about with our kids yeah the best moments are just when you're right in that pocket, right, and like that's what it's all about and the game plans, like for when we start slipping out of it. It's like I always, I'm always. I saw a stupid little clip of a monk Well, it wasn't stupid, it was pretty profound actually but a monk talking about how, like, literally the only thing that exists is right now, like the present moment. The past is the past, the future has not, hasn't happened yet. So, like, don't waste your time in those places, like, live now. That's like it is just so, so, such a powerful thing, totally. When you actually sit and think about it, it's like it really does take all of your worries away. I mean, sometimes the now is really difficult, yes, but um, yeah, if you're focused on the now and not like adding the stress of before and after, uh to that, then you can handle it better.
Speaker 3:Right, like yeah well, that's, you can plan for the future, but only in the now yeah where we spend. The anxiety comes in when we're anxious about the future rather than okay, but what can you tangibly do right now? Because if there's nothing you can do to change what that is, then there's no point in worrying about it. But what can you? If there's something you can do in the now, then just do that.
Speaker 2:It's easier said than done, for sure some people, like dave and I, are very prone to be worrying no matter of yeah, like somebody can tell me right now oh, you can't worry about the future because you can't control it. Well, it sucks to be me then because I'm worrying about it, whether you tell me that or not, right?
Speaker 2:what helps me is those plans. Yeah, I know I'm going to worry about the future. Right, it's the. The tricky part is I'm who am I gonna call or what list of people am I gonna like? What bucket am I gonna pull from when I'm in that shit? Yeah, because I know it's gonna happen and I know what, how I feel when I pull myself out of the thing and it just kind of gives me a breath of fresh air and there's literally like just a matter of remembering that you have that tool in the moment changes the game and it's enough to be like like community can, can literally save you, and it's enough to just on that drive that I did this material run, my phone rings and it's somebody I haven't talked to in years and I'm just the joy and the happiness of being like holy shit, like why me you?
Speaker 2:caught me at the best time like how did you know I needed to have this conversation right now? And then, next thing you know, 30 minutes goes by and you're just like you've talked about nothing, but everything is amazing.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you know what I mean yep, speaking of community, um just want to send a big shout out to chris leary, um, one of our real dad podcast listeners. He reached out to us on instagram. He and his wife had their first child, was born a little prematurely and is going through some struggles right now. So, chris, wherever you're at, if you're listening to this, we are thinking of you, we're lifting you up, um, we hope that the doctors and nurses know what they're doing and that they can continue to help and give the care to your child and hope and everything works out well and you get on the other side of this.
Speaker 3:Absolutely and have those list of people around you that you can lean on, because that's the biggest thing right now is the community around you that you can reach out to, that you know are there to support you through these tough times. So don't be afraid, and we encourage you to lean on them. Why?
Speaker 2:do you got to say lean?
Speaker 1:Lean on me.
Speaker 3:I want to go into an ad read, but it's not appropriate you can say lean on regal ideas.
Speaker 2:I mean, we've talked about them a lot, we've said their name a lot, this episode, okay, chris, we love you, we're thinking of you, saying you all the uh positivity in the world.
Speaker 1:Don't know you, but, um, we're here for you if you need us well, well fish went after my buddy's nipple first, then he came after mine, and then brian's brother and then my brother came in the lake later and he got it twice. He got it on his nipple and then he also has like a big mole on his uh stomach and he almost ripped the mole right off his stomach. It's funny because like the boys are saying this and I'm like I've always told, like my kids and my wife it was like you don't have to worry about fish, they there's more scared of you than they are.
Speaker 3:But, apparently they love.
Speaker 1:Jetson nipples.