The Real Dad Podcast
Each week, these four fathers cover a wide range of "Dad" related topics, from the joys of watching your child grow up to the challenges of balancing work and family life. With their unique blend of humor and authenticity, Dave, Joey, Brian, and Mark provide a refreshing perspective on what it means to be a dad in today's world.
Tune in for the laughs, stay for the heartfelt conversations about the struggles and triumphs of parenting. Whether you're a seasoned dad or a soon-to-be father, "The Real Dad Podcast" is the perfect place to connect with other dads and get the support you need.
Join us on this journey of fatherhood, and subscribe to "The Real Dad Podcast" today!
The Real Dad Podcast
Parenting Through Doubt: Finding Identity Beyond Fatherhood
Ever feel like your identity has been completely swallowed by parenthood? You're not alone.
Mark kicks off this episode with the wild tale of his whirlwind trip to California—a dream content creation opportunity that came with equal parts excitement and anxiety. Between the language barriers, tight deadlines, and nagging suspicion that he might be getting scammed, Mark barely had time to process that he was living out his professional dream. But the real struggle wasn't the work itself; it was the guilt of leaving his family behind and the realization that these experiences would be more meaningful with his wife by his side.
This adventure opens up a candid conversation about maintaining your personal identity while being a parent. We dive into the refreshing perspective that while we love our children deeply, it's perfectly normal to find aspects of parenting challenging. As one therapist puts it, "Parenthood has a right to all of my time, money, love and devotion—but not all of my identity." This sentiment hit home for all of us who've felt the pressure to make parenting our entire existence.
The most powerful moments come when discussing those rare parenting wins that make the struggles worthwhile. Dave shares how his 13-year-old son has transformed from competitive to compassionate during their runs together, while Mark witnesses his nephew showing remarkable empathy by comforting a devastated quarterback after a crushing loss. Brian adds insight from his niece about how her parents built her confidence by encouraging her to handle difficult situations herself rather than intervening.
These stories remind us why we do this work—those fleeting moments when we glimpse the adults our children are becoming, shaped by the values we've been quietly modeling all along. Join us for an honest, heartfelt conversation about finding joy in the parenting journey while holding onto who you are beyond being "just" a mom or dad.
She's just adamant about getting a will, which is like a weird conversation. Yeah, I know what you mean.
Speaker 2:I think we talked about that if you're both getting on the same plane.
Speaker 1:But it like it puts a weird like juju on the trip.
Speaker 2:Right like. Let's not manifest that.
Speaker 3:We did ours on willful and it was stupid easy.
Speaker 4:That's where we did ours too.
Speaker 3:It's just very, very easy to do.
Speaker 2:Actually, we should do a podcast on that. We should there. Actually, we should do a podcast on that, we should. There's probably a lot more information that parents should know about doing a will.
Speaker 1:We could stream it live, Like we could do mine.
Speaker 2:No, that would be super boring.
Speaker 3:Why.
Speaker 2:If you got some time to relax your mind, come have breakfast with the Real Dad Podcast. Welcome to the Real Dad Podcast. I'm Dave and I did not travel to California.
Speaker 3:I'm Joey and I also did not travel to California.
Speaker 1:I'm Mark and I would be lying if I said that I did not travel to California.
Speaker 4:I'm Brian and I did not go to Georgian Bay this week.
Speaker 3:I love when we bring inside jokes like that. That makes sense to nobody.
Speaker 2:But that's okay, mark is back with us from sunny California. How was that trip?
Speaker 1:I'm angry, brent, fuck with my microphone. I know he did, and he's listening to this right now. Either two things, he's either laughing California, how was that trip? I'm angry, brent, fuck with my microphone. I know he did and he's listening to this right now.
Speaker 2:Either two things, he's either laughing hysterically and I stopped him mid run. You should have seen, mark. He came in and he sat down in his chair.
Speaker 1:He's super confused because he did nothing and I built this up in my own head.
Speaker 4:I think he's still pissed. He's probably angry hearing your voice.
Speaker 2:I think Mark sat down in his chair and he was comfortable and then we told him that Brent was there last week and he was like something's wrong, something's off. This isn't good, this is all over the place. The microphone was set on short guy with nice calves, he tied my frigging thing in a knot.
Speaker 1:It's a princess and the pea situation.
Speaker 3:Who's the princess?
Speaker 1:Leave that up to you.
Speaker 2:I'm going to that up. I'm gonna hand deliver brent his invitation to my wedding, two months too late suck it, brent well, welcome to the real dad podcast. Um, we have been dadding and now we're gonna talk about it. What are we gonna talk about, guys?
Speaker 3:I thought we're gonna get a california update, but he just sounded angry.
Speaker 2:Yeah, tell us more so mark, you got to go on this like dream trip to california, yeah, to do what you love, yes, and it just came about because the most random thing you did something good, very weird yeah, yeah, cool, you basically basically just.
Speaker 4:But when we were talking about it you said you didn't really get to enjoy california, you're not allowed to talk about it. That was the story.
Speaker 2:You nailed it but when we were talking about it you said you didn't really get to enjoy california. You're just kind of hotel room. So here's.
Speaker 1:Here's what happened. Um, it was all very scary. It's still kind of ongoing, so I don't know how much of it I want to like air out okay, just in case somebody looks into me.
Speaker 1:that's fair. Um, but I get this email from a brand that I literally just thought about. I was like I really want to work with this brand, yeah, but I don't know how I would tie it into like my type of content. And the brand just sends me an email, says, hey, would you like to work with us? Like a week later, two weeks later, and I'm like manifestation is real Making it happen.
Speaker 1:So then I was like, okay, and there was kind of you know whatever layers to the onion. And then they're like we can't pay you and I was like I don't care because I want, like I just want to work with this brand. So they sent me a product and in exchange exchange, I had to do some videos just for their channel and I was like this is great, I don't have to post about it, it's cool, I can overproduce the shit out of it, which is stuff that I really like to do. So then, um, they loved the content that I had sent them. Then they sent me another unit and they're like can you do stuff with this? And I was like, absolutely I can. So we do that, boom, boom, just in my free time, send it off.
Speaker 1:So I did like three or four videos and and photos and stuff for their website, everything. And then they come and say, hey, we're, we're, we are releasing a brand new product to the north american market. And now that the caveat here is the, the communication is through a chinese, everything's chinese, okay. So now my spidey sentence senses are like oh, this is interesting being screwed.
Speaker 1:Am I getting screwed? Because it was like we have taken a mansion in malibu and converted it into this. Like again, I can't yeah things, but it's like, basically we've taken this mansion and we've turned it into too good to be true, right, and it's like nothing sexual or anything like that. Fuck, it's solar panels. So they're like we've turned this mansion into completely off-grid.
Speaker 1:Yeah, right it runs itself, okay, and we are releasing this technology into the north american market and we need content, uh, to do that. And we'd love for you to come to malibu to film this content, right for our, our whatever stuff. Here's the budget and we're gonna shoot in july. And I was like what, yeah right, I'm way underqualified for this. So I go to my wife, robin, and I was like what, what? What are the chances of this?
Speaker 1:And it just happened to be on canada day, like I'd have to leave, I'd have missed canada day. And so I was like I'm not doing it, I love doing it, but I like I'm not gonna miss the memories for the kids or whatever, right. So then I'm literally typing up the email to send them. I was like I'm not doing it, I love doing it, but I like I'm not going to miss the memories for the kids or whatever, right? So then I'm literally typing up the email to send them. I was like I'm going to sleep on it the next because everything's a night, like yeah, I get it at like two o'clock in the morning.
Speaker 5:Yeah.
Speaker 1:So that night I get the email saying like, hey, something unfortunate came up. We can't do the Malibu spot anymore, but we're going to do our installer spot in Sacramento. He has a unit on his thing so we're going to do it in his garage on the 14th and 15th. Can you make that? And then I like looked at Robin, she's like that's like you have no excuse you have to do this.
Speaker 1:So I was like, okay, amazing, so basically flew out the one day and then film two days and then fly home the next day, right, and I should have taken a day to like decompress.
Speaker 2:Right, because I didn't realize the time difference. Yeah, and that shit is real.
Speaker 1:Like that is Jet lag. It's crazy, crazy, crazy. So I wanted a direct flight and then all this is happening again and I don't think this is real. I think this is like a prank or I'm being screwed, because they were like again they're, they're in a different country and they're like hey, can you go to it? Can you go to like a country that's neither one of ours? And all of a sudden I'm like I need a visa for this. Like how does this work? How am I gonna get? Like, am I, am I doing something dirty? Right, I felt like I need a visa for this. Like how does this work? How am I gonna get? Like, am I, am I doing something dirty?
Speaker 3:right, I felt like I was.
Speaker 1:I felt like a super villain like low-key, I was stressed and like I problem, was probably annoyed because she's like, she's gearing up to be like a solo parent while I'm on this trip and I was like what do you? Okay? What about this? If I get to the, the, the, whatever, they say, the customs, yes, and I'm like they say what are you here for? This is my story. She goes if you fucking feel like you have to lie, right, don't do this, and I was like I'm googling a thing, I'm like, okay, we're just going to shoot content.
Speaker 1:But then apparently they're saying now, with all this shit going down there, you, they're not letting content creators down in the states especially in la you can't go down there. So they're like it's fucking no bueno, yeah so now I'm like shit so then I get a thing and I'm like, okay, we need your banking information, we need the thing, we need this. And I was like this is a. This is weird, this is weird weird, weird.
Speaker 1:So then I kind of go into like deep dive, like into youtube world and I start messaging people that had no people that know, people that have worked with this brand, right, and I'm like is this the same contact? Because I just want to know, yeah is this real or?
Speaker 2:you're giving banking information. You gotta double check to china.
Speaker 1:Yeah like nothing against chinese people or like the the, but I just heard nothing but bad things so I'm scared and I'm an anxious person.
Speaker 3:That's fair.
Speaker 1:But everything seems so legit and then they're like it. Just, it was one of those things that in hindsight it was like everything was like too good to be true, right, and then it's like it's hard because it's like if something's too good to be true, it probably is right. But in this case I was so anxious and so nervous and there's like a legit script and like everything was there. So, uh, for context, I'm used to being on camera, but this is the first time where I like I produce everything, I direct everything right, I'm working with talent that has never been on camera before so cool he barely speaks any english.
Speaker 1:Uh, shout out, felipe, he did great um it was wild, like wild, wild, wild. And so to the point where I'm in the airport, like I get to the, the where we're going to board the flight, and I text felipe and say hey it, it's Mark, can you send me your address please? And I'm in Toronto still and he goes, who's Mark?
Speaker 2:And I'm like oh fuck, oh no, Like this.
Speaker 5:Oh fuck, and I'm stressing, I'm stressing, I get on the plane.
Speaker 1:But so, to be like, I still haven't sent them banking information, I still haven't, because they're like, and it's just part of their culture, like that I've learned, but they're like, adamant that if they say they're going to do something, they're going to do something, it's going to happen. I'm categorizing here culture and all that.
Speaker 2:yeah, people will understand it exactly.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I love I love them anyways, like it all. It all just kind of worked out and that's awesome. Um, I'm in sacramento. Dave texts me. He's like, hey man, how are you doing? And I'm literally like looking around, I'm like I'm in California, I've got my headphones on, I'm narrating, I'm on it Like I'm doing the like dream that I wanted to do for a very long time and I was just like it's crazy bro.
Speaker 2:I was saying to Joey I think the thing that I found so cool about that story is that it all came from doing something for free, yeah, where, like, there are opportunities in life that, especially as a content creator, that you can turn down where it's like no, like, I know my value, I know my worth like you should pay for this.
Speaker 2:You're gonna gain stuff for your company from this, but it was something that you needed for your house and it was something that was like, yeah, I want to do something with them, so let me just show them what I can do first. And then what came from it is this little like dream gift to you of like getting to live out your, your dream, directing and producing something like that it's wild man.
Speaker 1:It was like it was something that kind of I'm still not naive enough to be like hey, here's my banking information. Here's my banking information here's my banking information, but I'm also like not closing off those types of opportunities, because like literally anything can happen and this was like it was.
Speaker 1:It was. It was very difficult to be away from the kids. In fact, I'm gonna tell you all a little secret. Okay, whenever I travel, I get the gifts. I get the gifts kids, I get the kids gifts. But we did, I had zero time, oh no there's a lot of stuff at the airport.
Speaker 1:So here's the thing we flew out at six o'clock toronto time, got in pm, got into california and like by the time we get rental car and hotel and all that shit, it was like 1 32 in the morning and my call time was 8 am the next day and I'm on camera that day and directing so I was like you gotta put your mask on or like get your eyes done.
Speaker 2:It was wild.
Speaker 1:So then we're there for 12 hours and then I gotta direct this felipe dude the next day yeah so, and the worst part is, our hotel was right across the street from top golf I look out the window right and I'm like fuck I'm exhausted but I want to top golf yeah and that's the only top golf that's a good top golf. Then I was like I'm with my OG, my dude, my Bob Bryson, and I was like we're top golfing tomorrow, no excuses. And then what is tomorrow? Tomorrow is another 12 hour day.
Speaker 2:They're long shoot days, and then our flight.
Speaker 1:Leaves At fucking 8.30m. The next thing we have to be the at the airport for 6, 30 that's a lot of poor planning it was, but it was direct flights and it was the only time of the flights. So it's either. It's either an eight hour 12 travel day or a layover, and then a thing and it's like a 13 hour travel day that's fair, that's fair, that's fair so, anyways, it was just like one of those things where the both bryson and I were like no excuses, we're gonna top golf day two.
Speaker 1:That that'll be our like. Let's end this bitch. We were both exhausted, we're driving. We were like drive by. It was like a like a sitcom basically and I was like you want to, and then, he's like I'm good if you are.
Speaker 1:And I was like bro, I just I'm gonna go watch youtube man, I am toast and I want the experience. But like I, am fuck, 5 am is5 am, yeah, and so yeah, we didn't do it. And now I'm like damn it, and that's I wish. I wish I was better at taking time in those moments.
Speaker 4:Like during the actual shoot and stuff Sounds like you didn't even have a chance, though.
Speaker 1:But I think if I was self Because here's the thing, I'm booking this thing trying to talk to my wife my wife is in stress season right now for her and her job and her career and she's killing it. I'm super proud of her for that. But she's also now trying to like kill it in mom's own and she's being pulled in a bunch. And then I'm asking her to like be solo parent, basically Right. And so when I'm booking the flight, it's like how many, how many days of hell am I putting you in?
Speaker 1:yeah and I want to minimize that as much as possible. Yeah, so when I'm booking these flights, this is it. It's like I have this window and I'm like I can do this, but I don't ever think about the like experience, part of it, and as I get older, that's what life's all about.
Speaker 1:It's like those yeah, those experiences and I want to do more of them. And, like Robin, my wife and I were just talking about, like prioritizing the experience for the kids Right and incorporating them in any which way we can into like doing things. So like my son's soccer is done next Monday.
Speaker 2:Oh, okay.
Speaker 1:But we're like, what do you want to do on monday nights, like, do you want to? And he's like I just want to fish, yeah he's three, so we're like we're gonna do family fishing nights every monday, so like after we go pick them up, we do the thing. We're gonna keep the routine the same, but the activity instead of going to play soccer for an hour and a half, we're just gonna go fishing for love that an hour and a half.
Speaker 1:So we're trying to, like you know, do all this stuff externally, but then for me I'm like rushed and guss and I'm like, I'm such a landscape person that I'm like talking, I'm like yo. Where where can I just like, I just want a photo of like fuck how far is san francisco? Yeah, they're like they're like that's two hours. I'm like two, two, I could fucking do two hours right, I don't have two hours to record a podcast for christ's sake and uh, and in my head I'm like trying to calculate it, trying to calculate it.
Speaker 1:So I'm asking, felipe, I'm like what are the odds of me making it to san francisco for golden hour?
Speaker 2:he's like zero it's hard but like at the same time. That kind of is the experience like the whirlwind rush of it of like airports, how like airports, hotels, shooting home, all the craziness, like the whirlwind of it is the experience like that is what you will remember from that yeah, and if you get other experiences that are similar or get opportunities to do similar types of things, you'll always remember that one and you'll be able to be like, yeah, well, I did this one in sacramento, where it was like this this is this right like yeah I think sometimes we can get caught up in like feeling like we didn't get enough of a moment.
Speaker 2:But when you think back on it like yes, I think it's parenting right it's, you think of what it was like raising a kid from zero to one exactly it is a whirlwind. It is a rush. You don't really know what's going on, you don't feel like you're absorbing it or being part of the moment. But then you look back or you see the pictures and you're like, oh right, that's what it was like. I don't know, I was there, I definitely was there, but it's just, it's a whirlwind.
Speaker 3:That's the experience it's those opportunities for the planned moments too, though, like I see what you're saying with that. Where it's like that that can also be the lesson you take away from it.
Speaker 3:Where it's like if the opportunity presents itself and your wife is willing to do the extra 24 hours of solo parenting, and you can have that planned moment especially after like to add the extra day on the tail end to be like experience, that whirlwind, go through the crazy, but then have that 24 hours to be like okay, can I take a moment for me? I remember you had that when you did alberta and you did the drive out to the frozen lake? Right where it's just like take that moment at the end to be like wow, I just got to really do something really cool, rather than right back into the hecticness, because then you don't get to really appreciate what just took place.
Speaker 1:And so this is where travel for me. I do a lot of reflecting and it kind of forces you to slow down and just not whatever, and I think I'm going to incorporate Robin as much as I can into any future endeavors.
Speaker 2:To try and travel together.
Speaker 1:Yeah, because the kids are at that age now where, like I think, she's just adamant about getting a will which is like a weird conversation.
Speaker 2:I mean, I think we talked about that if you're both getting on the same plane, yeah, but it like it puts a weird like juju on the trip right, I'm just like manifest that, yeah, I don't want to fucking well, don't like don't hinge a trip on planning it I'd say, just do it like, just do it, so it gets out of the way it's soup.
Speaker 5:We have a big deal yeah we did ours on willful and it was stupid easy willfulca, I think it is.
Speaker 4:Don't fucking drop things like that I think I left everything to do it on there. That's where we did ours too.
Speaker 2:It's just very, very easy to do um willfulca got it it's not a bad idea, even just to make sure your kids are taken care of.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, so that was our thing, where I was just like, actually we should do a podcast on that.
Speaker 2:We should. There's probably a lot more information that parents should know about doing a will.
Speaker 1:We could stream it live Like we could do mine.
Speaker 2:No, legally, you don't want to do that. I have one asset. How hard are you to do it? Because I think she had heard a story of a couple that had passed away and that didn't have one and there wasn't a direct um spot for their kids to go to. Because if it's not in your will as to who takes care of your kids, then it can get caught up in cas. Maybe you're like child services will try to figure out where to send them and they can be lost to go there by default yeah, so they can be kind of it gets worked out in like
Speaker 2:la la land for a little bit while you've passed. So there, they would be a lot to deal with they don't just go to their grandparents house?
Speaker 3:no, no, because they can't just give them off to a family member, because there can't be an assumption of who they would go to. So that's to go to cas first, and then the family has to get together and will. On my way home.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so I legally landed somewhere. There is some like technical reasons why it would be a good idea. Again, you're not planning on dying. I'm not planning on dying, I'm not putting that out there in the world I'm gonna live a long luscious beautiful life, holy hell.
Speaker 4:Yeah, it's gonna be sweet so, lush, come into some crazy money, we'll buy a little plot of land I liked it um the thought does cross my mind every time I'm flying with maddie though just the two of us, it's just like well, that would be the worst that's.
Speaker 1:That's all my mind goes to whenever I'm like on the plane. That's not the worst of me. The worst is just the worst. That's that's all my mind goes to whenever I'm like on the plane that's not the worst of me.
Speaker 3:The worst is just meg going. That's the worst of me because then she's gone. It's just me and the kids.
Speaker 1:I don't know, like that's so hard to bounce back.
Speaker 3:That would be hell. Like people who go through that where they lose their partner like nothing.
Speaker 4:But I'm just thinking about the kids yeah absolutely like.
Speaker 2:That's all but for gone.
Speaker 4:It sucks for them, but you're gone.
Speaker 1:I mean you've done your job At that point.
Speaker 3:My under five and eight, so they should be able to take it from here.
Speaker 1:Yeah, basically Put it on cruise control and ride off into the sunset.
Speaker 3:You've got success right in front of you now.
Speaker 1:I did everything I could. That is interesting, but I did bring it up. I was like I don't think I can do these trips without you anymore, because I can't. She is a big pain in my butt, but she's also like a big calm Right, like I don't realize how much her presence brings me peace, and when I'm traveling I am a fucking basket case, so it's like I almost got on a bus to fucking. I don't even know where in california I can see that and bryson's like no dude no, no, it's that one and I was like that would have sucked.
Speaker 2:Sign you up for amazing pretty sure you are here for that reason alone because I don't even know why I brought you.
Speaker 1:Just kidding, I love you, bryson but uh, yeah totally saved my hide there because I was gonna go to fucking oklahoma, or something.
Speaker 1:Um, but yeah, when we were, when we were talking, I was like it would be much more enjoyable being there with her, because she's also that part. That's a lot of stress for me, it's a lot of anxiety to be like I. I just need to get back to kind of like like, help her. But then traveling solo as a dad is fucking a whole other thing. Well, I'm sure it's the same as a mom, but when you, when you're gone for work and you're in a four, three hour time change, you've, you're on a, you know you're. You're on a fucking 72 hour bender, basically without booze or any of that sort of stuff. But you're on a fucking 72 hour bender, basically without booze or any of that sort of stuff. But you're like exhausted, two hour drive home from the airport. You walk in and then it's just splashed right into it and you're like like I I thought I could see the fear in Bryson's eyes and he was like oh my God, you come home to this.
Speaker 1:Oh my God, oh my God, you have to go right into it and I'm like fucking piggybacking and airplaning and he's like I'm going home to bed.
Speaker 2:I've been up, since fucking six o'clock or five, it was four I heard a comedian talking about how, like kids don't realize how lucky they are that we love them, because they don't give us many reasons to love them, they're basically ruining our lives from day one day one but it is.
Speaker 1:It is the, the journey. That is the reward, yeah, and I've always looked at it as like the end being the reward, and I think it was like gary v or maybe it was dave, that was like it's it is somewhere in that ballpark um, but it is.
Speaker 1:It has changed my perspective to enjoy the process a little bit more, and it and it does ease my anxiety when I'm in like these situations, like dave just meant how are you feeling? I was like I am, I'm in way over my head, but I'm enjoying the shit out of it, because the worst that can happen is they hate all this right and I never get to do it again.
Speaker 3:Yeah, but I got to do it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, but I got to find out if I'm good at it yeah, and it was like I mean, there's more to the story, which is just even crazier. But I don't want to bore everybody with that, but it was like there were two people there and they're like oh, when you come to china and you do this, I'm like whoa, whoa, whoa whoa hold up, that's a whole other fucking time zone. It's just like we're gonna have to plan some time for that yeah, yeah but that's the thing is like I was talking to robin about.
Speaker 1:I was like I don't know if I could do that by myself, like I think you would, and then she's like that's a lot of water yeah I don't know, I don't know, we take a few hours to get across it's interesting.
Speaker 3:So the point you're bringing up there about enjoying the moments it brings brings up an interesting TikTok creator that I just started. Following that I wanted to play one of his clips because I really enjoy his fresh take on some of these things Hot take. So I want to hear Gaines to give him a shout out.
Speaker 5:So I posted one time that I love my children and I'm glad that I'm their parent, but I don't really like being a parent. I got to acknowledge that that's going to rub people the wrong way, and I get it. A lot of people have a really hard time holding two conflicting truths at one time. I do not. I understand that. I can be blessed to have an opportunity and I can also be frustrated by the most stressful parts of that opportunity. Those two different things can live in the same apartment. And again, I love my children. You always got to qualify with that. I love my children, but parenthood is like you know how. We all got that cousin. You love him but you don't really like him, like bro, if we weren't related, you and I would never be in the same place and have a conversation. That's my relationship with parenthood.
Speaker 5:Waiver and selflessness is just not my bag. It's never been. It's just not my bag. It's never been. I need something for me. What's going on here?
Speaker 5:I thought that I'd be more of a. My children are my world kind of parent. My mom was that kind of parent and all of her happiness was tied up in my happiness and she died a woman who didn't really know who she was. Parenthood has a right to all of my time Fine, it has a right to all of my money, all of my love and devotion all of my love and devotion. You can have it. Parenthood does not have a right to all of my identity. I am more than just a dad. I was my own person for 30-something years before my first daughter was born. I'm my own person in the mix of giving me to them too, and I'ma be a person long after they leave me to have their own families. My whole identity is not wrapped in parenthood, and if yours is, I think that's absolutely fine, but mine is not. Can't do it. I love how there's not supposed to be different genres of parenting, like we're all supposed to approach this thing with the same mindset Absolutely not.
Speaker 3:I like him too.
Speaker 1:He's a therapist, though.
Speaker 3:Yeah, he's a therapist. He was a high school teacher and now he's a therapist Is that he takes that approach to a lot of things, where it's just like there's different genres of parents and different genres of parenting and there's so much of that in what we do and I feel like that's what we try to do with the podcast, but it's like we're not all doing this the same way and there's different seasons too 100, and that's like he talks about that too where he's just like this specific season he doesn't like it, like he doesn't like being a parent of young kids because they demand so much of you and it's like that is a difficult thing to enjoy well, and that's the part of parenting that you lose a bit of your identity too, and I know a lot of moms struggle with that.
Speaker 2:Coming out of the kids from the toddler zone as to like who am I now? Like who? What does it mean to be me? But? But I think it's important, like Mark doing the trip and doing things like that, to keep keep your identity, that you, because I think, once your kids grow up, that's why we see a lot of divorce as well in families because you lose the identity of who you are, who you are as a couple, because the whole world just becomes the kids and yes, like you said, they do have a right to your money and to your time and because you've created them. You made that choice to have kids and you've got to raise them, but at the same time, you've got to be careful not to lose yourself on that journey, right.
Speaker 3:No, absolutely, and like that's like you said, like I think that's the.
Speaker 1:I started singing lose yourself. I like how the two things can be true.
Speaker 3:Yes, I really liked that I can enjoy being a parent and I can be so blessed with the fact that I get to do this job, but you can also acknowledge the fact that it's incredibly difficult and draining and really hard sometimes too, and I think it's just.
Speaker 3:I think we do that well here at the real dad podcast I think it's just reminding people that too, especially when you're going through the struggle, because it can be so easy to fall into that pit of guilt where it's like man, am I just not cut out to be a parent? And like then beating yourself up for starting this journey and like, well, I'm in it. Now I've got kids, I can't get out of it, so I'm just gonna let them down. I guess for the next couple of years it's like well, yeah, you are in a lot of ways, but you're also, if you stick it out and if you're a good parent, which in my mind just means you're present, you love your kids. Yeah, find a way to love your kids through those hard moments. Then it's coming out the other side and it's hopefully finding a section of parenting that you can grab onto and say, fuck, this is what I was waiting for.
Speaker 3:Was like this moment that I can have, like I feel like when you can have those wins and it's something that I shared about on here recently with like having a couple of those and, man, do they ever feel good when you can have a win as a parent, to like have something where you're like, either the kid brings something up, we're like oh, that actually stuck with you, like we talked about that and it's set in. Or even just having a moment where you get that win, like and that we've talked about it before, but like those wins erase so many losses, just like that, because of how good they can feel yeah, I had a big win over the weekend and it's just been really cool watching my son mature into who he is.
Speaker 2:Um a few things actually, because one we had a conversation and I was just complimenting him like you've been playing really well with your younger cousins and like your younger sister lately, like you've been very. How old is he? Uh, he's turning 13 whoa right that's a big day.
Speaker 2:He's letting me know that he's turning 13 but he's been playing so well with the younger cousins and stuff and even other kids and I was just really encouraging him like I really enjoyed watching you. You've been super gentle with them, but still having fun and playing with them, but cautious and like making sure that they're okay. And he was like yeah, he's like I. I was like when you were younger, you used to always still be competing and he's like yeah, I learned that, like them, being happy is the win.
Speaker 2:And I was like, oh my gosh like it was so cool to see that he got that.
Speaker 2:And he was like playing with Joey's youngest son, cooper, and he's like him being happy and playing with him and seeing Cooper be happy is his win for my son and I was like it just yeah, it was super cool to see. But then I've been on this like wanting to be in a healthier zone, kick again and I've been feeling a little disappointed that I haven't been doing the runs that I used to do around this time last year felt super, super great did it because you passed out.
Speaker 1:No, I fell down a hill or felt great until that point.
Speaker 2:Oh, okay um but I've been like dealing with some of that, whether or not I have some trauma from that experience. Even that's like stopping me from doing things. Yeah, um, but my son's been wanting to run and I was playing golf with our friend, john manifone, and he was talking about how he would go running with his son, who is older and like quite the athlete now, but that they had just started it his son john's admitting defeat like he would get smoked by his son.
Speaker 1:Oh yeah, so his son does like triathlons and iron mans.
Speaker 2:Now but it started during covid when they just were like hey, do you want to go running together? It's like the podcast, like that's how it started. And then he took that seed and his son like just like absorbed it, loved it and it's become so much of his identity. So we were talking about that at golf and it just like kind of resonated with me and ben's been wanting to run more. So then I was like, hey, dude, you want to go for a run with me? And he was like, yeah, bet puts his shoes on.
Speaker 2:He's like let's go, what bet?
Speaker 4:that's like, yeah, he says, bet a lot.
Speaker 2:So I'm like all right, well, what run do you want to do? Like, this is the run I used to do. We'd have to go up that hill. And last year he tried running with me and he couldn't make it up that hill. So he was like, ah, he's not sure. He's like, sherry, yeah, let's do it. So it's 5k. We go up to the top of this road and back down, but it's a steep hill, it's a journey, yeah, and we're getting to that hill and I'm like who, who's going to win, you or the hill? And he's like I got this and the difference a year makes. He was so strong, crushed it up the hill Like I'm sweating my balls off, breathing heavy he gets the top.
Speaker 2:We're like cruising down the downhill now after the big hill, and he's like I think I just broke a sweat. Finally. And I was like so we get to the end and we're turning around and coming on the journey back and he's like you're right, dad. Like yeah, and he's like you got this. Like it's all downhill from here, now we got.
Speaker 2:Like he's being my motivator he's being the me that I was to him when I'm trying to get it but it was like it was such a win in that, like you don't see the impact you're having on your kid for a long time, like you plant a seed and it takes a long ass time for that seed to grow into something that you can actually see. The roots are forming under the ground and things are happening, but you don't know it. And then, just in that moment of like one, the difference a year makes and how he was able to do this 5k run no problem now where last year he struggled through it. But that made me realize the reason why he was able to do it is because he watched me run all last year and grew a passion for it himself and was putting the work in himself at school throughout the year and through soccer and through all these different things, he just he's been walking to school and running like he's just doing all the things. So it's like seeing his growth and realizing that I had a hand in that.
Speaker 2:And then now that he's the one encouraging me really like hit me where I've been struggling with, like the, the why as to why do I even want to do this? Why do I want to exercise? And it's it's for the kids I want to be able to be in good enough shape to to be there for them to for a long time and to play with them and pick them up and still carry them to bed or, if they fall asleep in the car, piggyback them inside like I want to do those things. So then, to have your. Why be the thing that got you outside?
Speaker 2:doing the thing was really cool it like it's like a full circle little thing so yeah, it was a cool way.
Speaker 1:It's like a full circle bet yeah well, no wrong wrong use of bets.
Speaker 4:Sorry just means I'm in.
Speaker 2:It'd be like mark, do you want to uh go golfing tomorrow? No bet bet.
Speaker 1:But it's like yeah, man, I'm in, I uh I'm pushing my chips in I had a really cool experience, but it had nothing to do with my kids okay over the weekend my nephew, whom we have lost touch with for quite some time wait, was this the kid who was just like crushing those dessert bar at your wedding? Yeah, okay he's a beauty. So memphis plays football. Yeah, and he is a, he's a, he's a big boy, big boy he's a lineman, he's 11 years old.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and he, his team, was eliminated from oh and the U14 team called him up to play Whoa. So two weeks ago they played and apparently they won. And then this weekend. So I got back from California two, three, four, I don't know a couple days ago, and then the Sunday was the game. Yeah, so Robin and I kind of made a day of it. We're like we'll bring the kids down, we'll go see Memphis's game and then we'll was the game. Yeah, so Robin and I kind of made a day of it. We're like we'll bring the kids down, we'll go see Memphis' game and then we'll go golfing after and out for dinner or whatever. And Yada, yada, yada, this team that they were playing.
Speaker 1:It was supposed to be an easy win so that they could go to the semifinals. It's a neck-and-neck game. One point, 32 seconds left. They had just blocked the fourth down. They just basically stopped the other team from being able to get a touchdown. They're down by one point. They threw a bomb, got first down. It was looking really, really good. Everyone's hyped up, everybody's doing great. And Memphis this isn't his team, so he's on special teams. He doesn't get played very much, but we're hyping him up when he's there and I don't know him in this version of himself.
Speaker 1:So very similar to your son I the memphis that I remember, yeah, was this seven or eight year old kid that was like, just you know, a terror basically. And this guy is like he has found his passion through and through and it's like such a beautiful thing to watch him in his and he's like hyping guys up and he's like he's the hype man so you can see why he got called up.
Speaker 1:So this quarterback is like they must have called a blitz or something. He's got three guys coming at him and he just like throws the ball up in the air interception and the heartbreak on this poor kid's face, takes the helmet off. He's balling, we're across, you can see it and I got a picture on my phone. But anyways, he goes and he sits by himself and no one goes to check on him and the other team obviously they run the clock down and they're doing their thing, whatever, and all the teams together, the quarterbacks over the thing and then memphis walks over, doesn't say anything and just, and I'm just watching him, yeah, and he sits down next to the thing and just puts like pats's thing and just sits there and then the two of them start crying together.
Speaker 1:Oh, and like he doesn't know this dude very well yeah he just knows that like he's going through it, he's going through it. So I'm like everyone's the like thing. They're lining up and I think, and I'm just like snapping pictures because I'm just so proud of this cool.
Speaker 1:He's like he's just turning into such a good human right and he was dude. He was the only one after he was there, like maybe a coach or two came up, no one else. All the other kids were pissed at this guy right and and he knew it and I don't know. It was a really cool, beautiful moment.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's awesome and, um, it was getting very close to tee off time so we were kind of like oh my god, this is the thing but it was like, uh, robin was like we gotta go, we gotta go and I was like, no, I want, like I wanna, I want to see memphis after the game and I want whatever. And he was like upset, didn't really care to see us or anything, but it was good to be like look through his cage and just be like I am so proud of you, dude, like you absolutely killed it.
Speaker 1:So it is a weird trip, even from like the uncle's perspective to like look and see and see all this growth, because I feel like you take snapshots of like those people as we're getting older and you remember them as like little yeah absolutely.
Speaker 2:And then when you see them in their element or like in their every day to day, you're just like fuck, you're a good person, like you're a human now well, that's why we're doing this right like we're putting in the work while our kids are young, in hopes that they're going to turn into good like teenagers and young adults.
Speaker 3:Right like yeah you realize you don't. You don't want. Not to say you don't want it, but like what I want more. I'll say it that way. I don't want not to say you don't want it, but like what I want more. I'll say it that way. I don't want my kid to be the kid who is the quarterback on the winning team. I want my kid to be the Memphis who sees someone hurting and is like forget this moment I need to go be with that person and get them through this.
Speaker 1:And that is what sport I hope brings out of my, my kids too. Is that family kind of dynamic and being like this? This person is hurting and I, I just need them to know that like I'm with them. You know what I mean and I think it was. It was a very, very cool, um, obviously, thing to to watch, but uh, just his story alone, like I don't want to share too much.
Speaker 1:But I know he's in therapy and I know that he's doing this and, like he's, 11 so like I know that it's like it takes work to be able to do that, but it it also on our parts, with our kids and and all that stuff to to let them know that like that stuff is okay and appreciated and celebrated I think, is super, super important oh, absolutely, that's what being a human is about, right, like, yeah, you're gonna have wins and losses, you're gonna have moments like that that come and go every day, but you can remember that moment for the rest of your life because you made a difference in that kid's life.
Speaker 1:Hopefully, totally hopefully, that was a big moment for that quarterback to be like, okay, someone does care, right yeah, someone did come over and sit with me in that moment and in hindsight it'll be easier, because the eagles just released their super bowl ring and hot diggity dog it is something to see let me tell you you know what else is something to see crystal rail, yeah, by regal
Speaker 3:ideas it shines like nothing else you've ever seen. It's beautiful. It's beautiful. So if you have any kind of railing project that you need to do this year and you're listening to this podcast and you don't use Regal Ideas, we're going to find you.
Speaker 2:You know what? I'll go as far as to say if you listen to this podcast and you use Regal Ideas and you send us a picture, we'll call you.
Speaker 3:Oh, wow, yeah, yeah direct facetime.
Speaker 1:Who wants time?
Speaker 2:facetime, facetime during install all four of us, if you have any questions at all. While you're installing it, I might answer my phone when you call that's a better way to say that, yeah, for sure it's gonna be a random, at the very least
Speaker 1:he won't answer, but he will call you back. Yeah, eventually. Well, five to ten minutes later three to five business let's be realistic definitely after the install is done yeah, let me see what you did
Speaker 2:brian, did you see any regal ideas on your weekend that wasn't in Georgian Bay?
Speaker 4:I was actually looking around. I didn't see much, to be honest.
Speaker 2:I was pretty disappointed, not on the cottage that you were staying at.
Speaker 4:I did. It's beautiful. We put it up last year there you go. Well, joey did no it was pretty much all Jordan.
Speaker 3:I thought you helped with it. I was helping with the decking a little bit with the posts, but not much else.
Speaker 4:Yeah, beautiful, beautiful deck.
Speaker 1:Really enjoyed our time. Yeah, but how's the railing?
Speaker 4:On the deck with a gorgeous railing. Yeah, and they have the LED strips. They do Not crystal rail. I don't know what that rail is.
Speaker 3:That's the Regal Ideas. One, two, three the original. There you go, it's beautiful, real ideas, beautiful.
Speaker 2:You got any stories from the weekend? I was kind of like teeing you up there. He's still tired. Do you want to talk? Do you not want to talk?
Speaker 4:You showed up here I did want to talk, but you know everything just like transitions into the next thing so quickly sometimes, and then I don't want to go backwards.
Speaker 3:Always take us back, Brian.
Speaker 4:We'll always go back with you. I was going to talk about my niece as well, because you talking about your nephew and how you still view them as like a little kid. Totally, right now it's a bit of a trip because I'm working. We have my niece working with us in the summers the last couple years and it's very wild to think of as as old as she is now it's. Um, some of the conversations like I just bug her and throw her, throw out like really serious questions every now and then the other day I was like so, ella, do you see yourself as a confident person?
Speaker 5:And she's like what.
Speaker 2:What does that have to do with cabinetry.
Speaker 3:She was thrown off.
Speaker 4:But then she was like uh, yeah, I think so, because I see her as a very confident kid, um, not a kid, she's, she's a grown person, um. But I was just trying to I know we talk about it a lot but like, where do your kids get this confidence from, if they have it? Is it more nature versus nurture? And I was just like kind of explaining that to her. Like, as parents, we want to kind of help our kids, um, become confident like that. So, um, because she would say that when she was younger she wasn't really that confident. So, uh, it's kind of something she's developed along the way and a lot of it has, uh, is because of sport, like baseball, right, yeah yeah she's very good at softball, um, and plays very competitively, but, um, she would say that it's that.
Speaker 4:But I was trying to key in on what her parents did, or if she can pinpoint anything that her parents did that helped her with that, and her big takeaway was that, um, they never really did anything for her like, uh, in terms of if she had a situation at school or something where she uh had a problem with a teacher or whatever. They would always be there to encourage her, but they always encouraged her to handle it for herself and she said that was what she thinks is the biggest thing that made her become more confident as an individual. So they would always be there and support, but they would encourage her to kind of handle her own business.
Speaker 1:Well, I wonder what that looks like from your brother's perspective, because like it's very difficult managing female interactions, and like their emotions from my perspective, so it's. And then not being let the rage take over you know what I'm saying?
Speaker 5:yeah, it's like my daughter's seven.
Speaker 1:Yeah, she's like. This person said this and I was like who?
Speaker 3:said this yeah and where what?
Speaker 1:what class are you in? I'll be there. Yeah, so it's. It is interesting to.
Speaker 4:Yeah, to just kind of like let that come to fruition as a parent yeah, like she had issues with a teacher at school, um, trying to like start a high school softball team, basically, and she was told by this person numerous times that it wasn't going to happen and she was like, but why not? Kind of thing Right, and she basically had to go above this person at school and go to the principal and eventually like made it happen so that now there's this going to be a softball team in the future at their school. But like just things like that that her parents again didn't step, like they. There was multiple times where it was like, oh right, that's pretty ridiculous. Like but again they just like encourage her to like they're just a another human being, like you don't need to be afraid of them.
Speaker 4:Like yeah, go have the conversation, like tough conversations, but like go have the conversations you need to, and she said that that was just yeah, kind of everything for her in terms of finding that confidence but which, like I'm sure, was terrifying, yeah, but it's like when you learn that you can survive a terrifying situation, like, yeah, definitely.
Speaker 3:Like it's forging that fire, like forging the steel in the fire, right, yeah, and to be able to teach a kid through that, through those formative years like that's massive and probably does speak a lot to what, why her confidence level is where it is. Like just thinking back to myself going through high school like I avoided conflictual conversations like the plague like I would have especially with a teacher.
Speaker 3:Are you kidding me? Like they are the be all, end all and judge of my life, like I'm not going to question everything they say. It's like to be given that tool and that resource that she now has at wherever she is now 17, where, like now, she's going to be going forward knowing like no, it doesn't matter, I don't care who you are, like we, we are going to have this conversation because this is important to me, and like that's mad, like it's funny how the things that can seem so terrifying, as a parent, to let your kid walk through will yield the result that you want. Yes, where it's like that's what we want. We want our kids to be confident. We want them to not have that like self-esteem issue that holds them back from doing things that are important to them. But in order to let them do that, you gotta freaking encourage them to just do things themselves like that and walk through terrifying situations with and again, as a parent, knowing that they're walking into that.
Speaker 1:You're sweating for them, you're knowing that they're going, but they, you're sweating for them. You're knowing that they're going into that, but they are too. Everyone's sweating. Exactly. It's like everyone is just in a sweaty hot mess of I don't want to be here.
Speaker 2:It's just about a dry palm insight. You know what I'm saying?
Speaker 1:It's like well, how am I going to do this? I'm like you have to do it. Well, I, but you would teach them to walk through that and now that's something that they could carry with them forever.
Speaker 2:Now, or you're a second born and then it's just natural, like my fucking son now outdoor boys.
Speaker 1:Have you guys seen outdoor boys? No, oh my god, that's a conversation for another day. But we discovered that, holy hell, my son's like oh yeah, I'm gonna get a gun, I'm going to shoot gators. I was like what? He literally asked his mom I can see the gators, he asked his mom to do zoo to you for his birthday.
Speaker 3:So he could shoot the gator. They're going to roll up with the gator. I'm going to shoot him. He brought out his Nerf gun up with the gator. I'm gonna shoot him.
Speaker 1:He brought out his nerf gun and his stuffed gator and showed us how he was gonna do it, light him up, that's so good it was like I had to have a conversation with his daycare provider today and I was like he found this page on youtube. I swear to you it's a, it's a wholesome page. It's about hunting and the dad takes his kids out hunting and teaches them how to hunt and it's nothing is. There's no violence, but there is one.
Speaker 1:There just happens to be one scene where a gator gets shot and that mav's hyped about shooting shit now so just so you're aware, and his grandmother bought him a fucking nerf gun and now we're everybody's getting shot, so you're gonna have to get your head licensed soon. I already got it you think those camo crocs got there themselves?
Speaker 2:well how was that trip?
Speaker 1:I'm angry, brent fuck with my microphone I know he did, and he's listening to this right now. Either two things he's either laughing hysterically, and I stopped him mid-run.
Speaker 2:You should have seen, mark.
Speaker 1:He came in and he sat down in his chair he's super confused because he did nothing and I built this up in my own head.
Speaker 4:I think he's still pissed. He's probably angry hearing your voice. I think Mark sat down in his chair and he was comfortable.
Speaker 2:and then we told him that Brent was there last week and he was like something's wrong, something's off. This isn't good.