The Real Dad Podcast
Each week, these four fathers cover a wide range of "Dad" related topics, from the joys of watching your child grow up to the challenges of balancing work and family life. With their unique blend of humor and authenticity, Dave, Joey, Brian, and Mark provide a refreshing perspective on what it means to be a dad in today's world.
Tune in for the laughs, stay for the heartfelt conversations about the struggles and triumphs of parenting. Whether you're a seasoned dad or a soon-to-be father, "The Real Dad Podcast" is the perfect place to connect with other dads and get the support you need.
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The Real Dad Podcast
Dad Life Unfiltered
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Toys Really Bought for Dad
Speaker 1All right , what is the one toy or gadget you've bought for your kids ? That was 100% really for you .
Speaker 2I'm not there yet , but mine's going to be Nerf guns . I don't know if my kid likes them or not , but they're getting a shit ton of them , because I love lighting shit up with Nerf guns .
Speaker 3You got to be careful with modern day Nerf guns . Though they got aggressive . I took a shot right in the eye . It legit hurt .
Speaker 2I was scared for a second . I might have been blinded , so I had to go grab safety glasses and put them on all the kids . What a nerd he's . He's showing up to a nerf gun fight with safety glasses , I had to pass about three kids , you're a nerd .
Speaker 3I hit one of these kids in the eye they're gonna be , crying at me for a week let them lose an eye .
Speaker 1If you hit them in the eye , that's intentional .
Speaker 3Oh yeah , for sure you know I'm going for headshots , that's double points .
Speaker 1Welcome to the real dad podcast . I'm dave , I'm joey .
Speaker 2I'm Dave , I'm Joey , I'm Mark and I'm confused .
Speaker 1I'm Brian and I'm surprised . All right , well , it's a rapid fire episode , so I figured we would rapid fire through the names Also . I didn't have anything about a fun fact , so I get to skip it If I don't want to do it .
Speaker 3I don't want to do it .
Speaker 1This isn't a situation like that a situation . Okay , you need a fun fact , let's go um . I complimented an old man on his garden today and I think I made his day that is a great fun fact . If you see an old man , or just any man working on his lawn or his garden dude , just let him know that he's doing a great job .
Speaker 2100 makes their life . He talked about you at dinner probably yeah , 100 I was also driving the pro-laws , uh van .
Speaker 3So a little advertising there , I feel like similarly any uh woman who has some kind of hair that clearly is somewhat done yep , your hair looks great today .
Speaker 1Makes their whole day complimenting women okay or not ? Okay ?
Speaker 3uh , depends on how you do it , because I don't mind stuff like that .
Speaker 2Yeah , but like , do you find the woman attractive ?
Speaker 1yeah , I don't know it should matter .
Speaker 3It plays a part why ?
Speaker 2because if you have my face and I go up to somebody it it could set a different standard . The handsome mark effect .
Speaker 1Yes , you can't do that I'd like to say I don't have that problem situation you don't need to have the face .
Speaker 3I'm just saying it depends on what you're saying when you know the person .
Speaker 2No , no , no . If there is a level of attraction , that is a possibility .
Speaker 1Yeah , there's no possibility . You're just walking by , that's catcalling brother , what I'm saying .
Speaker 3It depends on how you say it , though You're not whistling at this person .
Speaker 2I'm going to paint the picture You're in line at Tim Hortons , which is a coffee shop . It's like Dunkin' Donuts . If you're not from here , yep .
Speaker 1We got America .
Speaker 2We got Tim Hxas down there now because burger king no bro . No , it's only northern states people in texas , they don't know what they need .
Speaker 3What a burger has .
Speaker 2Anyways , you're in line . You see a very attractive lady . Now you got two situations your wife is your wife with you or not with you , because you can't . You can't if your wife , I don't think I am commenting on a random stranger's appearance .
Speaker 1No , but like if somebody that I know this is a good thing , but if you would say it , if your wife was there , then it's cool .
Speaker 2Perfect , I like that one , but if it's an old lady , I'll drop comments on an old lady all day long . That's what I'm referencing . Because comments on an old lady all day long , because the thing is , if it's a young , attractive woman .
Speaker 3Chances are she doesn't need the compliment .
Speaker 2It's not doing nothing for her . When she gets it , she's like why is this person complimenting me ?
Speaker 3Exactly , If it's a little bit of an older woman . She's clearly just done up her hair . She's trying to look good today . You give her the compliment .
Speaker 2This is how bad it is for me this situation right here . I pay for the person behind me their meal . I pay for their meal once a week .
Speaker 3Usually on Fridays .
Speaker 2Fridays is when I do it , but if I look in the mirror and I feel like they might get the wrong interpretation of this , I don't do it . I wait for to saturday that poor person .
Speaker 3No , I'm judging that's what they get for being good looking if they're that good looking I've had three drinks given them to the it's not even an issue .
Speaker 1They don't even need to be . They don't need to be on a scale or anything .
Speaker 2If I think that they're going to get it's like my own little thing . I'm like , oh they're if . If we make eye contact in the rear view mirror with the person behind you . Dude , it happens all the time . I'm scouting , I'm looking in my rear view mirror . I'm scouting to see if this person's gonna be like grateful or wow I'm gonna start questioning the motivation now . No , no , no , no but like do they need a free coffee ? You should have left it alone . Do you need it ?
Speaker 1I'm gonna river dance on this bitch , maybe . Maybe this person has everything . They're just having a bad day and they need a coffee .
Speaker 2Not for me , not for me , I'm gonna judge the shit out of you you can tell someone's having a bad day by the car they drive , or like the look on their face , maybe they're having the best day in the world they don't need a coffee . They don't need a coffee about paying it forward .
Speaker 1Yeah , where you order , oh yeah , so he pays it forward and then he like quickly whips around the drive-thru and orders like a hundred of everything so that the person that he paid it forward for would pay it forward for the person behind , but then they call it out on him . It's a great pet , that's good , all right , we got a rapid fire episode here for you , so I have asked ChatGPT some fun , lighthearted questions .
Speaker 2We're going to throw them out to the group and we're gonna see how it goes and see how you want to answer them .
Speaker 3What if a listener doesn't know what chat gpt is ?
Speaker 1well , it's ai , okay , okay , wow , all right , let's start off easy . I think this is a real dad strength right here . What is a snack ? What snack do you pretend is for the kids but secretly hide for yourself ? Hide for myself it's . Maybe it's more like what kid's snack are you stealing , I feel , like it's cereal for me .
Speaker 3I'll buy a cereal that's like oh , the kids get to pick out the cereal , and I'll pick out a Captain Crunch , and then I hide that shit at the back of the cupboard . So I'm like nah , I don't want you seeing this during the week and I gotta eat this in the evenings .
Speaker 1I the evenings ?
Speaker 3yeah , I have one , I don't do any of the shopping , but I'll steal like the honey teddy grams every once in a while , so good , and I'll pick my teeth for 10 minutes afterwards because they get stuck in there .
Speaker 2Take a teddy gram and dip it in frosting and it's like an adult dunkaroo oh my god , with the ice cream again I have a I have a rule I don't share my wife and I don't share my snacks , so all my snacks are my intentional . Okay , they're dad snacks and the kids know really fuck with my fiber .
Speaker 1One bars , yeah that's a fiber bar . That's not a snack .
Speaker 2Okay , I guess it's just a healthy treat like my doritos , those you're asking for me . I don't care if you like sneak candy or two , don't care . That's where I touch my chips .
Speaker 1My wife gets so mad at me because she , when she gets doritos , she gets the . I think it's the purple bag , the barbecue , the bold barbecue , and then I like the green , the jalapeno cheddar , and I'll finish my bag and then I'll start eating it .
Speaker 2No , that's a party foul . I fucking mean that I'm gonna get real upset are you surprised by this ? If you're listening I hope your kids aren't with you and I apologize for the aggression . That's a dick fucking move that tells me so much about your personality , I don't even want to be in the same room as you I might even leave the show . This is the last show mark , did you pull that shit at me when you ? This is , here's the thing when you are .
Speaker 3Shouldn't have brought that up .
Speaker 2No , you shouldn't have , because you know what ? I love my wife more than anything in the whole world . But man , it pisses me off when she gets a small snack . I'm just gonna get a small , her favorite , her favorite , yeah . Chocolate bar is a . Is a . Dairy milk , okay , and they make them the fucking size of my finger . One serving size or the regular one , I'm just gonna get a small snack . I said fuck you , you're getting all of them .
Speaker 2Take them all off the rack . If we're at the dollar store , drop a 20 on the shelf , because I know what's gonna happen you're gonna smash that candy and then you're just gonna give me the fucking pinching fingers from the other side can I just have a few ?
Speaker 1no , damn it , I've got one question for clarification is there a shelf life on that bag of chips ? Because if you like if she leaves her bag of chips for like weeks on end no , they're not going anywhere .
Speaker 2Who leaves a bag of chips for weeks , you open . I'm just saying it's happened .
Speaker 1My wife will ration them properly where .
Speaker 2I don't know how to ration them .
Speaker 1Like she won't eat
Secret Snack Stashes
Speaker 1an entire bag in a sitting . I know right , it's ridiculous .
Speaker 3It's possible . He's slowly going on to your side of this argument .
Speaker 1Again , going back to ice cream , I've had this situation where I finished my ice cream , and her ice cream's been sitting there for like two weeks untouched Her tub In the freezer and I'm like forgotten about it . I suppose it deserves a conversation first , but at that point two weeks .
Speaker 2You gotta get into that ice cream . I'm living a blessed life .
Speaker 1The kids do not touch my ice cream . I've only done that once and I learned my lesson . But also , like I don't do the shopping right , like you , if you don't do the shopping , because my wife will do the same , she'll buy herself , like so she has her own snacks , kind of thing , but then I don't , I don't go buy my own . That's big family . That's big family , energy though it .
Speaker 2You come from a big family . When you hit that fucking net worth where you're buying your own groceries , you set those standards right away . Because I told my wife straight up I'm like , and you know what we set ourselves up for success when we met each other . She's a candy person . I don't like candy and I'm a chip person . She doesn't really like chips .
Speaker 1So you got the separation .
Speaker 2So it's like a it's a thing , and for a large majority of her life she thought she was lactose intolerant , so ice cream kind of scares her a little bit , okay , so she doesn't . She doesn't fuck with the ice cream . So we've set these standards now we're like . But when she nibbles , oh my god , like when I have . We sorry for the going on this rapid fire I had um .
Speaker 2So if you listen to the last episode , my my favorite ice cream was what is tracks , thank you . It's moose tracks and it has these little nugget like chocolate peanut butter Reese's peanut butter cups .
Speaker 3Are they Reese's ? Or the caramel or something ?
Speaker 2she fucking digs , okay . Well , she digs for these peanut butter cups oh , she'll take out the cups .
Speaker 3Oh , that's a party foul , see no , that's not allowed .
Speaker 2That's what I'm saying yeah , it's a good thing you don't eat ice cream with a fork , because I'm telling you I'd be doing fucking 25 to life .
Speaker 1Yep , um um , while you're ranting , I remembered my . The thing that we will buy as like it's like for the kids , but secretly for us , is the all caramels oh , we can't buy those . So good no , it wouldn't last we can't buy those like a little cake with caramel and cream and it's wrapped in chocolate , delicious no I would eat that whole box yeah all right , what is the one toy or gadget you've bought for your kids ? That was 100% really for you .
Speaker 3Oh well , remote control cars yeah .
Speaker 1We've done those for Coop .
Speaker 3I fucking love remote control cars so we started this game too , where the kids ? I'll chase them with it on the driveway so we'll clear the cars out and then I get to chase them with the remote control car .
Speaker 2Oh , it's hella fun .
Speaker 3Yeah , it's like tag , but I get to just sit on my ass and use a remote control car .
Speaker 1That's brilliant . That's a great dad . They love it , I love it , big win yep , I was gonna say we got my son a helicopter like a remote control helicopter for christmas one year and it was like when I'm looking through the toys of like what I should get him , I'm thinking of what I would want as a kid yeah he maybe played with it like once or twice and put it down , didn't touch it again .
Speaker 2I was like this was more for me not there yet , but mine's gonna be nerf guns I don't know if my kid likes them or not but they're getting a shit ton of them , because I love lighting shit up with nerf guns you gotta be careful with modern day nerf guns , though they got aggressive yeah we got them for christmas this year . Millennials are in the role now , and you're like , you know what was fun about nerf guns that they weren't violent enough .
Speaker 3Yeah , I took a shot like right in the eye , it legit hurt . I was scared for a second .
Speaker 1I might have been blinded so Nerf gun fight with safety glasses .
Speaker 2I had to pass it back to the kids .
Speaker 3You're a nerd . If I hit one of these kids in the eye , they're going to be crying at me for a week .
Speaker 1Let them lose an eye . If you hit them in the eye , that's intentional . You know I'm going for headshots .
Speaker 2That's double points . Oh my gosh , safety glasses . Do a nerd fight A nerd ?
Speaker 3fight .
Speaker 2Damn right Nerd fight Nerd , fight Rapid fire me , rapid fire All right .
Speaker 1What's your most embarrassing dad moment in public ? Oh my fucking wedding what else you got . That wasn't embarrassing , that was adorable .
Speaker 3Yeah , that was great . It was adorable Embarrassing dad moment in public .
Speaker 1It's a hard one . I know there's been multiple tantrums in public and those feel so embarrassing Right Grocery store tantrums . They feel terrible . Everyone has an opinion and then there's no getting out of it . So my daughter , even recently at an event she was acting up , not listening . You try to do the quiet , okay , like I need you to come now though . It's like well , no , I'm not going Like okay , but here's the situation .
Speaker 1We got to go , you got to come . Now , no , stop . And then the second you use just a little bit more tone or like a you've got to come or there's going to be a consequence if you're choosing not to listen . Stop , stop , why are you doing this ? And then it was like oh my god , and it's like you don't know how to defuse this little bomb that is literally exploding in front of you yeah , it's exploding .
Speaker 1You don't know what to do because you don't want to escalate , because you got everybody watching . Then all these parents are watching hearing this kid yell . And then you raise your tone a little bit or like give them like a serious look and they're like stop , you're scaring me , why are you doing this ? And they're just like it's so embarrassing when they start saying stuff like that . Yeah , yeah , that's tough . We had to have the talk of like . You can't use those words .
Speaker 1Those are trigger words that parents , if they hear them , they think that kid might be in bigger trouble than they are . Like I have never laid a hand on you or hurt you at all , right , other than playing , maybe even by accident . But like I've never beat you or at the punishment . So when you go into that like fear of me mode in a public circumstance , like that was , it's super embarrassing . I feel like I would deal with that better now . I'm not in that situation very often without maddie , so but I feel like I would deal with it better now than I did when it was our first kid . Like cause we had that happen like Christmas tree , uh , getting a Christmas tree one time it was like packed and we were parked like up at the arena which was a bit of a walk , but I had to football carry him like kicking and screaming all the way and yeah , that was definitely one of the yeah , but yeah , First kid too , it was like I was not one of the so awkward yeah .
Speaker 1But yeah , first kid too , it was like I was not prepared for that situation whatsoever .
Speaker 3Yeah , that's one of those . All the parents know exactly what's happening .
Speaker 2You worry about ?
Speaker 3the opinions of the non-parents . I remember a comedian did a bit about that Walking football , carrying kid , kicking and screaming and someone being like are you taking that kid ?
Embarrassing Dad Moments
Speaker 2And the bit is like you think if I was going to choose a kid to take , it would be this fucking kid . So true , but the parents know that that's your kid . But I don't , like , I don't get embarrassed like we do that , like we my son's three , obviously he throws the temper tantrums and stuff . Like I just pick them up , do the same thing and I usually just bring them to the car and I sit in the car and I'm like whenever you're ready , to go back in there whenever you are ready and then , the second we get out and if he starts back down , I don't even say anything , just walk back to the car , sit down .
Speaker 2I'm like bro , I I love being alone , so yeah this is my jam , rather be here , you're getting me out
Speaker 3of the social situation . I don't have to sit in front of all those people and eat my food . I'm good .
Speaker 1You just keep going bro what is the most dad thing you've ever said out loud and instantly regretted ?
Speaker 3because I said so , I've said , I've said we will turn this car around .
Speaker 1I think literally the other day we got into the car and the kids were fighting about what seat they wanted to sit in and stuff and we were like we will go back inside , we will not drive this car anywhere until you settle down . Dad , you know , we're not turning this car .
Speaker 2There's so many , there's so my dad used to say I don't get mad , I get even all the time it didn't make any fucking sense at all , because he never got , even ever and what does that even mean ? But , he also used to say when you would ask him something and you would say why he would without fail . Because why is a crooked letter ? I'm like that doesn't make any fucking sense all the time and he says all the time , and now I say it my kids are like well why I'm like , because why is a crooked letter ?
Speaker 2they're like you just said that because g-pop says it and I was like I stole this one from joey's dad .
Speaker 1He'd say the I'll play your silly little game yeah , so it's like where's the remote . Like I'll play your silly little game . So it's like where's the remote ?
Speaker 3I'll play your silly little game . Where is the remote he hits us with ?
Speaker 1that all the time you don't regret saying that , no , no you don't .
Speaker 2Mine's about my lawn . I care way too much about my lawn and I'm like , can we not ? And my wife is just always putting me in check . She's like you cannot care for this lawn anymore .
Speaker 3just let them fucking go okay , I'm sorry , go on all right .
Speaker 1You need next . All right . If your kid wrote a yelp review about you as a dad , what would your rating be and what would the top comment say ?
Speaker 3What's your kid rating you out of five 100 out of 10 .
Speaker 1You're getting a five out of five . You mean Like you're getting a five-star rating 100% . Super dad , boom 100% .
Speaker 2Mainly fear-based maybe . But , they're going to give me a good review .
Speaker 1Again , depending on the day We've had this discussion before . They know how important reviews are on social rankings . They know the day We've had this discussion before they know how important reviews are on social rankings .
Speaker 3They know the algorithm . They're going to give me a five out of five , even if they don't want it .
Speaker 2Yes , and the comment is going to be nothing but positive things .
Speaker 3That's it , that definitely depends on the day I think . For sure I think on most days I'd get a five out of five yeah , I would say the same we should , before we record sort of going over the , we should ask , like ask them for their review .
Speaker 1Okay , all right at night time I've tried it , but he never gives me good answers I mean he gives me great answers but not nothing like uh , that's fine , nothing to learn from really no that's fine , it's not .
Speaker 1But , like you , ever had a comment from someone , there's lots of times where you don't you don't learn anything from them I think I'm getting a four out of five or a 4.5 out of five , because one of my kids is gonna be a dick and just be like nah , you ain't perfect and then the top comment is going to definitely be cringe , boomer Do they call you a cringe boomer my son's been calling me a boomer . Every now and then he keeps digging into the old thing . Oh , this is a story .
Speaker 2He needs to learn his generations .
Speaker 1We were playing charades with the kids . Yeah , we played charades Super fun ? Yeah , that would be fun . So my son is trying to get my daughter and the rest of the family to guess something and he flaps his arms like a bird and points to me and they're like , oh , what's that big bird flaps his arms and then comes over of five because , my kids like to dig into me .
Speaker 2Well , my kids love me .
Speaker 3Don't do that at all , all right , you get 30 minutes of kid-free time .
Speaker 1Are you napping , scrolling
Dad Reviews and Superpowers
Speaker 1hiding in the grill ? What are you doing with ? I'd like to say longer . What are ? You doing with an hour of Depends . What needs to be done ? 30 minutes is like just a poop , like that's not enough time at all .
Speaker 3You can steal a half an hour pretty easily An hour .
Speaker 1What are you doing with an hour of free time ?
Speaker 3Can we up it to an afternoon ?
Speaker 1So let's start with an hour maybe Okay , I'm thinking this is like We'll do it in phases .
Speaker 3Yeah , I like this I like this .
Speaker 2You get one , three , five Okay , and then a day Okay .
Speaker 1So you get home from work , okay , you drive into the driveway and you notice that your family car isn't there .
Speaker 2Okay , so you jerk off quick . And then you , let's be honest , yeah , yeah yeah , in the car .
Speaker 3Obviously , before you go you let one go real quick .
Speaker 2That's the realest answer we can get that's fact , this is the real dad podcast the real dad come on so there's your first like three three and a half minutes .
Speaker 1Let's normalize this . What else you got ? Dave , get in the shower . I said an hour three and a half minutes Normalize this what else you got , Dave Get in the shower .
Speaker 2I said an hour , Pretend like it never happened .
Speaker 3He said we're an hour . We've just used the first five .
Speaker 1That is by far the perfect answer .
Speaker 3Okay , you've got 55 minutes . What are you doing with the 55 ?
Speaker 1minutes . You've got five hours now , so that is the one hour answer . You cannot top that . You cannot top that .
Speaker 3We're moving on . You've got five hours .
Speaker 1I don't know what that feels like A morning or an afternoon with no family , no kids , just you alone . I'll let you know after .
Speaker 3Friday night . There you go , kids are going away for so I'll put . Can I put a caveat on this ? Is it sure ? All the caveats is it a surprise five hours like the same scenario , or is this a pre-planned five hours ?
Speaker 1oh , I don't fucking know .
Speaker 3Okay , well , if this is pre-planned , then I'm going golfing like I'm figuring out if there's boys available for golf , or I'm going to solo round of golf .
Speaker 1Wait , are we solo like no spouse ?
Speaker 3Yeah , just solo , solo , solo this is dad time Golf sounds great Right yeah .
Speaker 1Five hours .
Speaker 2Yeah , it's going to be some sort of activity with like a bud that you don't get to like you don't get to do . That would be sweet .
Speaker 3Do you ?
Speaker 2know , what I'm saying because it's guilt-free , something like the batting cages . Last time you went to the batting cages , oh , bp would be great yeah , but this is literally never happening , happening , no , no , no , never , never , never , never you gotta have a plan .
Speaker 1Yeah , we got our weekend . We got a weekend coming up for the guys .
Speaker 2So what are you doing for your day ? So full day , full day definitely golfing .
Speaker 3Yeah , yeah , for sure .
Speaker 1Start the day with some early morning golf maybe a j Jays game with a buddy too . Oh , that'd be nice .
Speaker 2Oh , normal , I don't know . Jays game would be great . Definitely good food You're a .
Speaker 1do something , though You're not a just I want to lounge around the house .
Speaker 2I would feel like I wasted that day so bad . Well , I like to busy myself , so I like to work , do projects OK , projects okay , like something around the house . But if it's just a guilt-free thing , like I'm yeah , I'm golfing , or if it's raining , I'm fucking digital golf , I could kill a whole day doing that absolutely if it's an evening .
Speaker 3I think that's the only difference . So if like if I have a free three hours , we're like meg's out . Well , I guess that happens semi-often for me anyways , because sometimes we'll have nights where meg goes out with people and then the kids are in bed yeah , so then I've got a couple hours . I definitely just shut that shit down evening for me .
Speaker 1I'd be going to get some kick ass food , yeah , and then I'd be watching the movie , yeah movie yeah , a good fucking like a good trilogy .
Speaker 2Yeah , there's , I've got lists something shit .
Speaker 1She won't let me do .
Speaker 3Yeah , like John Wick .
Speaker 2Oh yeah , I just watched number four the other day , Fucking jerk off John Wick night Come on man , not two , john . Wicks . Happy birthday , bro . They're two separate things . I've never seen the movie . I've never seen the movie , but I don't know . There's nothing really jerk offoff-worthy .
Speaker 3I'm just saying .
Speaker 1We all know Brian's following up with a late-night bowl of cereal 100% Birthday present , All right what is your go-to dad lie that you tell your kids to make life easier , Like ?
Speaker 3TV's broken , I'm out of snacks the park closes at 5, .
Speaker 1That's a good one .
Speaker 3I've never thought about the park closing .
Speaker 1Why have I not done that before the park ?
Speaker 2closing .
Speaker 1That's brilliant , that's so good that would never work in our neighborhood , because you just hear it well , no , just the people that stay there very late .
Speaker 3I didn't want to make a racial comment there , but there's a certain group of people that stay at the park and went there at a whole family and everybody's there and I love it , like have a great time , but that's just why it would not work , because they'd be like it's not fucking closed these motherfuckers are just showing up right now yeah
Speaker 1it's close for white people at five o'clock .
Speaker 3They're making a whole meal I am comfortable just saying it would work for mark up in god's country .
Speaker 1This isn't something that I've actually done , but we were joking about with my daughter because the ice cream truck came by , okay , and this was when we were away at the wedding , actually , yeah , and the kids were excited , so they got some money and they went outside with their babysitter , their cousin and they bought ice cream from the ice cream truck . Right , it is absolutely absurd what they are charging for ice cream at an ice cream truck right now .
Speaker 1So I told my daughter today . I was like she asked about it , like how can ? Like ? How you have an ice cream truck , and I was talking about it as a business . You buy it and that's why they charge you more , because they've got to make money off of it . Um , but I was like I should have told you that the ice cream truck is actually evil and that they just want to give you sugar and take your money and make it a scary thing so that you and the ice cream truck drove by .
Speaker 1You'd like run inside instead of running out to it maybe not a little fear , but no , maybe a little a little healthy fear , so that actually does remind me that is something that we've kind of leaned into .
Speaker 3I think it's in the category of lying . So that happened years ago now . Their oldest cousin went out and they had ice cream and he puked right afterwards . So now we've leaned into the fact that ice cream truck ice cream makes you sick , so they our own . That's what they say and we just don't deny it , maybe we lean into it , it's .
Speaker 1It's the most trash ice cream on the planet , though , but my wife's a big soft serve fan , and that's the soft serve is garbage in there , at least the one , so we did it recently . It's not like it used to be .
Speaker 3I'll tell you that much like two weeks ago it came by the job site when we were at the one here in oshawa and we're like oh , it's a super hot day , you know what ? Let's go get some ice cream . It was 23 for three soft serves . Oh my god and it was straight trash . Yeah , it's not good . I finished it all and then got another .
Speaker 2Well , when it costs that much , you have to but there's different soft serve like the , even like a mcdonald's soft serve is different .
Speaker 1Or like the costco one like it's when it's thicker .
Speaker 3It's a little thicker ice cream like . I don't like it to have .
Speaker 1No , no costco one's pretty good soft serve guy , so I don't like soft serve , a good soft serve , but they're just hard to find they are .
Speaker 2My lie that I tell my kids is uh , the plaque in your teeth is actually sugar bugs yeah so you gotta focus on getting those sugar bugs out , or they eat away your taste buds and you're not going to be able to taste your candy anymore . Oh wow , flossing , no problem . Teeth brushing , they're fully dialed in focus . Well , let me get in there and they'll , like Aubrey will be in there like making sure there's no sugar bugs in there . Fully support that . Yeah it's a good lie .
Speaker 1Anything else . Any other dad lies .
Speaker 2Nope , no .
Speaker 1I usually just tell my kids I'm going to throw their toys in the trash if they don't pick them up .
Speaker 3Yes , I've used that quite often .
Speaker 1Call me out on that . We've never actually thrown it . You're not throwing my toys out , Dad .
Speaker 2Actually shout out to Howie . He just pulled off one of the biggest things I guess he used to . He has a 12-year . I'm telling his whole life story right now .
Speaker 1Yeah , we're okay with it . Love you , Howie .
Speaker 2He has a 12-year-old and a 7-year-old , 8-year-old ,
Kid-Free Time Dreams
Speaker 2and the 12 year old's been giving him some shit , okay . So I guess he was like told her straight up , she has this really big room with her own bathroom , like everything . And he's like , if you keep acting the way that you're acting , I'm gonna , I'm gonna take your room away and I'm gonna give it to your sister . And he fucking did it on saturday . Oh snap , she gave him the shit or gave her mom the shit or whatever . Like we were over there on saturday and and the little girl is like the one that's sleeping at my house . Yeah , her like she's real sassy and like sarcastic .
Speaker 2We get along real great yeah she goes hey , mark , you want to see my room ? I was like that's kind of creepy . She goes .
Speaker 3Nah , I just stole it from my sister and I was like I do want to kind of see your room now and I walk in , gave me the whole tour . Everything like aubrey was there , so it wasn't like weird , but you needed the tea and I was like a thing like this .
Speaker 2And then , yeah , how he was like , yeah , I fucking , I we've been at it for too long and she was calling my bluff and calling my bluff . So finally came home saturday and was just like , boom , nope , I didn't forget about it . Get your room , get all your stuff , pack it up , move it in to the hallway , because you and your sister are switching rooms . The little one's just like and like , not just stuff . Like Robin and I kind of went in there too , my wife and we're like there's pictures on the walls , like all the stuff is the younger it's a full swap Respect Fucking big respect .
Speaker 2And then I looked youngest , full swap , respect , fucking big respect . And then I looked it was awesome because I looked at aubrey and was like see what fucking happens , see what grown-ups can do .
Speaker 1See what we're capable of . What if we started a parenting business ? Okay , where how do you ? You tell your kids that any toys left on the floor are going in the garbage or going to be stolen or going to be taken or something like that ? When you're out , you have a group of guys that go in and take everything then as the parent , you can blame it on somebody else .
Speaker 3I told you this was gonna happen . The toy robbers were gonna come and the toy robbers rob it's a sketchy business to sell to people . Yeah , we're gonna show up your house when you're not there . Give us the keys , give us the code . We're only gonna take the stuff that you want us to take , though it's a bit of a healthy level of fear to the kids we had a friend that used to work with us and he considered um anything that was left down by the road as free .
Speaker 1I feel like you're talking about me , right ?
Speaker 3now no no , it isn't , this was another person that worked with us .
Speaker 1He before we even started our own business . This guy it's like if there was a bike that was left at the end of the driveway oh , that's theft then that bike was um up for grabs .
Speaker 3I mean , it's been on the boulevard , for a while no just as he drove by , he didn't have to be a part of this neighborhood , but if there was an item close enough to the road . And his theory was if the kids aren't have to be a part of this neighborhood , but if there was an item close enough to the road and his theory was if the kids aren't going to take care of it and put it away , then it's up for grabs so he grew up very poor .
Speaker 3He had a lot of things yeah , there's a lot of things . He lived life on the edge .
Speaker 1I met a guy like that who tried to take our tracks off our jobs or our table saw off our job site because it was too close to the end of the driveway . Yeah , it's like well , you just leave it out here . Like what do you expect ?
Speaker 3I'm working , man , he's got you not to take my team my .
Speaker 2I have a buddy who's like every time I've this happened twice I've called him . When he's cleaning his garage , okay , he's like I can't talk , right now I'm cleaning my garage . I'm like you can't do both things . And he's like no , because I live in hamilton . And when you fucking put shit on your lawn , all these people pull up and think that either they're having a guard a yard sale , or they're gonna try and fucking take it that you're throwing it out .
Speaker 2So I gotta be on my shit . I was enough . Call me never , then I guess . Anyways , what else you got ?
Speaker 1What kid's song do you find yourself secretly singing alone by yourself ? Pink Pony .
Speaker 2Club Bluey .
Speaker 1Pink Pony Club's not a kid's song , it's a jam . It's about a strip club .
Speaker 2Maverick sings it all the time . So that's the opposite , the opposite .
Speaker 3What kid's song do you find yourself singing for ?
Speaker 1instance the wheels on the bus , or bluey great song .
Speaker 3I can see how it's a stripper song Dancing West Hollywood .
Speaker 1We don't have many kids songs anymore . We have kind of graduated into the era of our kids , just listening to our type of music , but there's still ones that are stuck because Let it Go , still lives right in my brain For sure , frozen Disney songs At least once a week that jumps out for no reason .
Speaker 2Moana songs , I don't sing that Like we have Kids bop , yeah , kids bop . I can stand kids bop Cause it's just like Like poppy songs Sing by kids . Yeah , but my son does have . He still has his classics . He's got a couple of them , but I don't sing them .
Speaker 1So I don't really know If you got a . Just an aside if you have kids , young kids , toddlers in and around that age that you need a cleanup song for , I highly recommend Snoop Dogg's Cleanup .
Speaker 3Song . Oh , it's so good . It's one of the best clean up songs there is . Okay so good .
Speaker 1It's just like I'll play it for you , you might as well , get high during clean up too , and it might help .
Speaker 3It might help , it's so good . Just a little , just a little .
Speaker 1Carry on .
Speaker 3As you were .
Speaker 1What's the strangest thing your kid has cried about lately ? I just sent you guys an instagram where this girl does kids podcasts yep , and she does it as like , if it's a reddit , am I the asshole ? It is hilarious , the one I had just seen so good she was talking about . So it's a kid who writes the reddit like am I the asshole ? And it's my mom . Cut my , my uh sandwich into 90 degree triangles instead of isosceles triangles . And ever since I was two I'm three now she's been cutting them into isosceles and she decides to just change it up into this . And it's her going back and forth with the kid . No , no , it's an adult pretending to be a toddler going back and forth , it was freaking hilarious .
Speaker 1No , like no . Mom is definitely the asshole . I shit you not .
Speaker 2This actually happened today , okay , but also last week .
Speaker 2So my kids last week when I was on my way , they blew up a balloon and drew a face on it and named him bob and said that I had to bring him on to the podcast okay so it's in , it's deflating in my truck right now and all week the kids have been getting into the thing and today my son , when I brought him to daycare , asked if I brought bob to on to the podcast . I was like no forgot . And he's like , well he's , he's fading , dad , he's fading . When I left today , he goes don't forget to bring . And they were legit .
Speaker 1He was crying about it because he wasn't on .
Speaker 2And he , when I left today , he's like don't forget to bring Bob onto the podcast . What's a podcast ? But also , anyway , I totally forgot about it and now I can say that I successfully brought bop onto . I don't know if it's bop or bob , okay , but but it's this half deflated red balloon with some weird face on it that has meaning to it .
Speaker 1I'll take a picture of it and show you tomorrow , but it's at one point it was . It was a thriving balloon so my daughter wanted a banana with go on half my phone sorry nutella on it sorry , I was queuing up snoop dogg she . She wanted a banana with half peanut butter on it and half Nutella on it .
Speaker 1It was like a little treat . So I got a banana , I cut it in half and I put peanut butter on one half and Nutella on the other half and went to give it to her and she lost her mind because I had cut it in half . I'm like you said you
Parenting Lies and Unfinished Projects
Speaker 1wanted the banana split in half with this and that she's like no , but I want it to be one full banana . So we ended up getting another banana that's bullshit .
Speaker 1Half and half again you can't cut it , you got to leave it full . Apparently we had corn on the cob tonight and my oldest was pissed that I cut the . We only had four corn like cobs . Yeah right , family there's five of us . So I just cut them all in half and said go at it . Yeah , he was pissed oh it wasn't happening .
Speaker 3How dare you ? Have you seen it ?
Speaker 1for five minutes , but uh , yeah , it wasn't good . And then we're we're maddie and I were laughing because we were the ones that ended up with just half right and they all had the whole ones and leo's , like you know you could have just cut one and a half .
Speaker 3You're right when there's an accurate .
Speaker 1I was hoping I got more than one half but I didn't worry about that right . So if your kid asked you what railing you would install on your deck , which would it be regal ?
Speaker 3ideas ? I don't . We're not allowed to have any other answer , guys .
Speaker 2So Regal Ideas Urban .
Speaker 1Rail or Crystal Rail would have also been acceptable answers .
Speaker 3I really like the vibe that .
Speaker 1Crystal Rail gives .
Speaker 2You know the light shining through the glass . Oh , you can put light on Urban Rail .
Speaker 1Yes , but the light that shines through the glass , oh yeah , light on urban , real , yes , but the light that shines through the glass , oh yeah , no , it cascades .
Speaker 2That's , it's impressive , that's the vibe , yeah shiny yeah , regal ideas that one's kind of lame .
Speaker 1You want one more to finish this off how you feeling what's your unofficial dad superpower ? Or if there was a trophy for the most dad move ever , what would win it for ? What would you win it for ?
Speaker 2mine would be silent farts that smell really bad or your superpower is my son has . My son has an inordinate amount of imaginary friends okay , have I talked about this ? No no every activity that he has has a friend , like an imaginary friend , that owns that activity . Okay so he , for example . His new one right now is tvr . Okay , tvr lives in the ocean and he has tvs okay , that's his thing .
Speaker 3Interesting combo .
Speaker 2I mean , you ask him , he has tv or he has fisher , he has hockey , or he has , he has all the things that he loves to do , always with an er , an er at the end , and there you have some sort of whatever . But when you ask him what he wants to do when he barely be when he grows up . Right now , he he doesn't want to . He is going to be Spider-Man when he grows up . So when we wrestle , I am now Doctor Octopus and my super power is that I can light my hand on fire , which turns into a tickle bomb upon coming at him .
Speaker 3So when it lands it's a tickle bomb and then that's my super power . So that's where we're at right . Love that .
Speaker 2Yeah , it's good super he's dictated that my whole , that whole ambiance is all him love it .
Speaker 1Great imagination ? Yeah , no , he's , I would say . Right now mine is . I can help my kids get to sleep really fast , like way faster violence , me Violence or alcohol Once . I lay down beside them . They go to sleep real fast .
Speaker 3I don't know , if I'm just boring .
Speaker 2You're the sandman .
Speaker 1He's sandman , maybe it's not a glowing review of me as a guy , but I'll take it .
Speaker 3Nothing good's happening here . I may as well go to sleep . That's amazing . That's that's awesome .
Speaker 1Yeah , it's good because maddie's always like why does it ? Take so long they're chatting your ear off and you allow it .
Speaker 3Yeah , I just play dead and they fall asleep . Works every time . Yeah , I mean , we get good combos in every now and then , but very good um , I think my dad's reprise always just been calmness just coming in with the calm bomb come in with that energy
Speaker 3works every time he's showing me an Antonio that works every time is bullshit it works almost every time yeah , I don't know my wife and the daughter especially . They get ramped up and it's just you tag in . It's always easier when you're the one tagging in because you're a part of the ramping up to begin with , but I feel like it's a good superpower to have .
Speaker 1Yeah , it's a great I think mine is very different than joey's , I think I am the opposite . The opposite , possibly the excitement man , the ying to his yang .
Speaker 3The accelerator , the accelerator , yeah , the fuel to the .
Speaker 1The pump it up man and my trophy would probably be the Unfinished Projects Award . Oh no , yeah , Got a lot of unfinished projects at my house .
Speaker 2I'm up there with you .
Speaker 3It's pretty bad .
Speaker 1At least it's across the board , I don't think there's a lot of dads out there that finish what they start . I really should have finished like the small things that I had , though before opening a really big one because now I can't do the little ones until I've done the big one I think it's especially for like dads who are in the trades , yeah , yeah , cause like I feel like there's really like business type people who always have projects on the go and they're completing them all the time . I don't know .
Speaker 2We have like a return vent in our bedroom and in a plastic one and I took it out cause I didn't want to look at it and I put in like a fits or like an Ari event , like the mud in one , but I still haven't mudded it in yeah , you're a contractor , so I'm like I just don't want to get into the mud and the sanding .
Speaker 3You don't know all the things .
Speaker 2Robin's like . It looks like shit .
Speaker 1It just looks better than what was there .
Speaker 2I'm like , yeah , but that looks better than that plastic one .
Speaker 3She goes . No , the plastic one was finished . This has screws staring at me . They make a light version now that you can put in .
Speaker 1You don't have to mud in , just I'm saying the accountant would have had that done like day two totally 100 .
Speaker 2The a type personality can't handle it . But like mav's room , I trimmed that bitch out forever ago . Still not a stitch of trim paint on that trim I'm not even caught because you got the video done .
Speaker 3It looked white in the video I was like I don't even need to paint this now . I feel like it's a combination of things , too . One we know all the steps involved , so like you get to a point , like I don't want to do all those , steps all of it two that can also be like a well , it's only this , this and this left . I can do that anytime . Anytime is never going to come , but anytime when you're like I could do it anytime .
Speaker 2You're like , no , there's a lot of like , there's so much prep work , you gotta have all this stuff . And it's not just and but . Like to my wife , robin , she's just like can you just paint his ? Can you just paint his fucking trim ? I'm like you have no idea how much is involved just to paint his fucking . It's not like a fucking in and out one hour thing that you think it is .
Speaker 3It's like it's a whole day and when I get my day .
Speaker 2I got jerking off and I got golf . I'm not painting trim . That's at the bottom of the list , lady . I'm not painting trim on my day .
Speaker 3I just realized that when we had free time , none of it was to finish things . You're damn right , it wasn't .
Speaker 1You've got five hours . You can 100% finish that mud and then go .
Speaker 3I'm jerking off for five hours . I'm not finishing the work at all .
Speaker 1This is a .
Speaker 3John .
Speaker 2Wick marathon . This is a meeting .
Speaker 3I'm doing this shit .
Speaker 2Are you kidding me , John Wick ? This is a meeting . I'm doing this shit . Are you kidding me , John Wick ? I haven't watched it yet .
Speaker 3It honestly feels great to finish our project .
Speaker 1It really does it feels so great it does Just take that friggin' day and do it Whoa .
Speaker 3We end the episode with this Clean up , clean up , clean episode with this . He lived life on the edge .
Speaker 1I met a guy like that once who tried to take our tracks off our jobs or our tables off our job site because it was too close to the end of the edge . I met a guy like that once who tried to take our tracks off our jobs or our tables off our job site because it was too close to the end of the driveway . He's like well , you just leave it out here . Like , what do you expect ? I'm like , I'm working man .
Speaker 3He's like . You don't have to take my tool .