The Real Dad Podcast
Each week, these four fathers cover a wide range of "Dad" related topics, from the joys of watching your child grow up to the challenges of balancing work and family life. With their unique blend of humor and authenticity, Dave, Joey, Brian, and Mark provide a refreshing perspective on what it means to be a dad in today's world.
Tune in for the laughs, stay for the heartfelt conversations about the struggles and triumphs of parenting. Whether you're a seasoned dad or a soon-to-be father, "The Real Dad Podcast" is the perfect place to connect with other dads and get the support you need.
Join us on this journey of fatherhood, and subscribe to "The Real Dad Podcast" today!
The Real Dad Podcast
The Big Questions Kids Ask
When joey's seven-year-old daughter Murphy asked him "What is life?" at bedtime, it sparked a profound journey into how we navigate our children's biggest questions. This thought-provoking episode delves into the challenges of explaining concepts like death, existence, and meaning to young minds still forming their understanding of the world.
Following a family therapy session, joey shares a fascinating approach to helping children with "labyrinth minds" - those who bounce between big questions seeking answers that may not exist. The therapist's brilliant strategy involves "board meetings" where parents and children write down questions, brainstorm possible answers, and use a "thermometer" to find responses that feel right, even when they're not 100% certain. This acceptance that life's biggest questions rarely have definitive answers becomes a valuable lesson for both children and parents.
The conversation takes a deeply personal turn as the hosts reflect on breaking generational cycles in parenting. Growing up in homes where emotions were often suppressed, these dads are consciously creating space for emotional expression and vulnerability with their own children. Joey's newfound comfort in saying "I love you" to his ailing father demonstrates how these shifts in parenting approach can heal across generations.
Of course, no episode would be complete without the hosts' trademark humor. A heated debate about toast preferences (is level four too crunchy?), the drama of the "matching plate era," and the race against time when milk hits cereal all provide comic relief while reinforcing the podcast's authentic approach to fatherhood.
Whether you're wrestling with how to explain mortality to a curious child or just trying to survive breakfast with kids who suddenly care deeply about plate colors, this episode offers both wisdom and solidarity. Because sometimes the most meaningful parenting happens not in having all the answers, but in being willing to explore life's biggest questions together.
What questions are your children asking that leave you searching for the right words? We'd love to hear your experiences in the comments or on social media.
My daughter, murphy, has struggled with the idea of death because for her it's kind of stirred on these ideas, these big thoughts of what is death, what is life, what is everything.
Speaker 2:For your 27 year old daughter.
Speaker 1:Yeah, 100%, she's 7. She's 7 and having big ideas. We had a couple of bedtimes where it was like, alright, dad, here's my question tonight what is life?
Speaker 3:Okay.
Speaker 4:Uh, how do you answer a question like that?
Speaker 2:God, I don't know, that's a big question.
Speaker 1:For me, what life has come down to is loving others and kindness.
Speaker 5:It's about experience, experiencing things with people that you love.
Speaker 4:I don't know my answer to that. If my daughter asked, me would be like I'm not too sure maybe, but I'm glad that we get to do it together.
Speaker 2:me would be like I'm not too sure maybe, but I I'm glad that we get to do it together. Welcome to the real dad podcast. I'm dave and I take my coffee as a medium regular oh, interesting.
Speaker 1:Uh, hi, I'm joey. Uh, I don't drink coffee, but I also have an ingrown toenail that got operated on, and now I have a really weird toenail on my left foot. Wasn't that my fun fact, like two weeks ago? Yeah, it's like Steeler.
Speaker 3:Yeah, and that's what got into the whole. You just brushed over the fact that you're almost 40 and don't drink coffee.
Speaker 1:And then you're just like I'm gonna take mark's fun fact, but I didn't know it was your fun. I clearly wasn't listening when you shared that no we just got distracted by the fact that you inhaled them apparently yeah, that, that was definitely more.
Speaker 4:So yeah, I'm mark and I asked chat gpt if they've heard of the real dad podcast and they have. Wow, I say they, but it is a chat bot in case you don't know what chat gpt is. I'll read it after this guy to my left okay, all right, yes, well, I'm brian.
Speaker 5:My name is brian. Hey, brian, I'm back. Yeah, felt very weird not to be here for a week um I think, likely the worst episode ever.
Speaker 4:just to let you know it, it was terrible, absolutely brutal.
Speaker 5:I don't know if you can see the coffee table here, but this is a clear sign that I need to finish the podcast booth.
Speaker 4:This is embarrassing. It's a great coffee table.
Speaker 5:What's your fun fact. My fun fact is more a preference, like you say, like yours, dave. I was curious how you guys take your toast.
Speaker 4:Oh, wow, this is a thing at our house. That's a great question. How do you take your toast?
Speaker 5:I like a toast, well toasted, it's got to be like to level number four on my toaster. Oh, so it's got to be like at least golden brown all the way Throughout.
Speaker 1:You are a uniform darker brown, I mean at least a little bit golden brown Throughout.
Speaker 5:You are a uniform darker brown, I mean at least a little bit of it can have a little bit of white left on it, or whatever the brand of toast is. It's got to have a little bit of crunch. That's a lot of crunch, though that's a lot of crunch. Four is a lot of crunch, it's not like dark brown, I'm not talking dark brown, I never said dark brown. Number four isn't dark brown. I don't know what dark brown is your fucking crust will chip a tooth.
Speaker 3:Seriously, it's like a concrete block. No, no, no, no.
Speaker 4:You put number four on my toaster you were starting a fire, 100%, you were starting a fire. I'm mind blown.
Speaker 5:My toaster's old, it goes up to like six or so. Oh, there you go.
Speaker 3:Yeah, that's like three quarters of the way you can't go.
Speaker 5:Three quarters I'm going to send you a picture of my toast.
Speaker 2:Yes, please do, but also everybody needs to share a picture of their toast.
Speaker 3:And say nothing, just post it on Instagram, but we don't say a word.
Speaker 4:Not even a caption Hashtag fucking, just put an emoji of a toast and fire.
Speaker 5:I put a lot of butter on my toast, oh how butter Salted or unsalted. It kind of softens the crunch.
Speaker 4:So it's like a mix.
Speaker 5:That's not how that butter works.
Speaker 4:He's an artisan when it comes to toast.
Speaker 5:You have not put enough butter on your toast. It is so exciting. What are you? An artisan when it comes to toast?
Speaker 3:You have not put enough butter on your toast, bro. It is so exciting. What are you talking about?
Speaker 4:It's like moisturizer for your skin.
Speaker 3:Absolutely it does. What are you talking about Butter?
Speaker 4:melts.
Speaker 1:It becomes a liquid.
Speaker 2:We've never lived together.
Speaker 3:We need to live together to experience this.
Speaker 4:I would just sit and stare at Brian every time he entered the kitchen, I'd be like what the hell is he doing now?
Speaker 5:Like a zoo creature it literally, it's impossible for it not to soften the toast. What do you mean?
Speaker 3:It becomes a liquid Toast is toast, it's a crunchy. Nah, nah, nah.
Speaker 5:Butter becomes a liquid when you put it on your warm toast when you bite your toast.
Speaker 4:does debris come out? Does it flood?
Speaker 3:No, You're painting a very dependent picture here, man.
Speaker 5:My hyperbole is ridiculous right now.
Speaker 3:What are you talking about? I said golden. I said golden. I'm hung up on this number right now. There is a chip tooth at my house. I'm slaving the shit out of right.
Speaker 4:No, I'm not. You're never making me a grilled cheese sandwich ever like dust grilled cheese.
Speaker 5:See, my grilled cheese is probably to that toast amount though, so my toast toast.
Speaker 1:Yes, yes, my toast is like marble like I like light brown throughout. Still a decent amount of white bread. If it's white bread, yeah, I'm like marble toast it's gotta have some light brown on it though light brown for sure. Oh yeah, it's gotta have some light brown, but it's more of a swirl in my, in my world.
Speaker 3:But if I'm doing grilled cheese, it's gotta be like crunchy brown throughout.
Speaker 5:Like, yeah, I want that crisp the thing for me that brought it up is my wife.
Speaker 4:She barely toasts yeah, she's human being. No, it's like it might as well just be stale bread.
Speaker 5:No, it's not. That's the texture that it is. No, it's just a little bit of warmth. You just need a little bit in there to melt the peanut butter.
Speaker 3:What's the point? What is it? Warm bread, just take some bread. Have you ever put bread in the microwave? Have you ever a peanut butter pizza pocket? It's the best thing in the world. I was about to light him up and you validated him. I got him, I got him, I got him.
Speaker 1:I don't think he's on the same page.
Speaker 5:No, I have never once put bread and peanut butter in the microwave.
Speaker 3:You said lots of times you said have you ever put peanut butter on bread? And I said lots and lots of times.
Speaker 1:It was an ill-timed conversation. It was perfectly timed.
Speaker 3:I said microwave, he did.
Speaker 1:But you had already decided on your answer of lots of times I'm not used to you catching my Hail Marys here.
Speaker 4:man, that should have been your first sign. I was so excited.
Speaker 3:Ryan operates on a two-second delay from Mark.
Speaker 5:I didn't hear microwave. I thought microwave happened after.
Speaker 3:I said it. That's a multi-signal word for me too, by the way. That is a lot of signs. I was like you cannot justify this for Mark.
Speaker 2:Okay, so now we're all on the same page.
Speaker 3:No, I don't even own a microwave, you microwave bread and peanut butter.
Speaker 4:It was an era that I've fucking grown out of. Let's not fucking relive in the past, man.
Speaker 3:Do you make it a little roll up and then microwave it?
Speaker 4:Yeah, it was fucking awesome.
Speaker 5:You could legit make it like a pizza parlor Every night, because this is what happened.
Speaker 4:I used to freeze my bread right yeah, oh now I'm liking more understand, I would take it out I would take it out, but I would put it in the microwave Because I had this weird thing about toast. But that's where I thought we were going.
Speaker 5:Is it because you have sensitive gums?
Speaker 4:Do I have sensitive?
Speaker 5:gums. I'm just curious.
Speaker 4:That's why my wife doesn't like her toast toasted.
Speaker 5:It's because it cuts her gums Touch my gums.
Speaker 3:I hope your toast is so toasty it cuts her gums, that don't know what are you doing? Lock them up, lock them up. What do your kids think of your toast?
Speaker 4:they actually like, they prefer my toast yeah but how much butter do they want on it before?
Speaker 5:they eat it butter that's that's.
Speaker 3:It's gotta have the butter ticket they want on it before they eat it, so much butter.
Speaker 5:It's got to have the butter, the golden ticket.
Speaker 1:The butter makes it Just butter. Toast is bomb. It's delicious.
Speaker 4:So good man, you know what, though? You don't appreciate it until you're sick.
Speaker 1:No, you can still get into it. Evening snack butter toast.
Speaker 5:Oh, it's delicious, what's with you guys.
Speaker 4:It's a grain. It's a grain for snacks, great for a weekend breakfast Meals.
Speaker 1:It's a piece of toasted bread, bro, you don't have to put this butter for a snack.
Speaker 3:Most you know what's really bad. Shut up for a second Times are tough.
Speaker 4:I was at the grocery store two days ago and I found a box of 30 granola bar, dipped chewies, chews, granola bars 30 of them on sale for six bucks. It said you saved nine dollars and I fucking was all over at bottom. Haven't had these things since I was like six years old. Yeah, first of all they shrinkflation. They're like the size of this, now it's that's unbelievable.
Speaker 3:It's crazy.
Speaker 4:And then I I told rob and I was like I couldn't believe it. They were like nine, but you save like nine bucks. She was check the expiry date today. I ate fucking 20 of these things. Last night I feel like a bag of lard. I feel like one of his pieces of toast with butter on it.
Speaker 1:That's what I feel like today. Those may never come out of your system. I don't even think it.
Speaker 4:I don't think it's possible.
Speaker 2:My favorite part is before we pressed record hey, do you guys have anything to talk about today? Meanwhile Brian's holding onto this piece of gold.
Speaker 3:No, I don't have anything that great and he just drops a bomb on us. I didn't even know we were recording.
Speaker 5:I still want to know what ChatGPT says about the real dad body you have to ask him a lot more questions.
Speaker 2:Ask him about toast Before you do that. That just because of how life connects and it blows my mind away. Yep, as my son does not like his very toasted, he likes it on a low setting but this morning I was making breakfast and they wanted eggo waffles and I put two in for my daughter, abby, and she was like dad, is it at a number two? Because I like mine at a number two? I like it more than ben, she's very specific about how toasty everybody's got their number, that's a brilliant way of thing, because it's.
Speaker 4:It's a thing at our house too. It's like I don't like dad doing my things because he doesn't do it good enough. I'm like what? And then robin gets hers, her stuff, double toast. Have you ever been to tim hortons and gotten?
Speaker 2:a bagel double toast.
Speaker 3:I do not want to taste Dude they're in there with a fire extinguisher after she gets your things toasted.
Speaker 4:It's crazy.
Speaker 5:I don't like it undertoasted though that's, it's like Undertoast is a problem.
Speaker 1:but a double, I don't know, Double toast can go very bad, that's roulette.
Speaker 3:I prefer under than over, and for some reason the burnt there just tastes worse it does. It tastes like chemical fire.
Speaker 4:It's bizarre.
Speaker 2:That's what we're putting into our bodies. It's fine.
Speaker 1:I've eaten so many bagels. There is no one here listening to this episode, I promise you.
Speaker 4:Not even our siblings are supporting this right now. They're all relating with this right now.
Speaker 2:Nobody has a podcast like that.
Speaker 3:That is cool.
Speaker 1:This is the real part of the real dad podcast more relatable than toast bro no, no, I'm not saying one thing more relatable than toast.
Speaker 4:That's the crazy part, is it? There isn't that many, okay, what?
Speaker 2:about cereal. When you pour that milk into the cereal, set a clock.
Speaker 3:This is like for me it's a speed eat like I do not want to be crunched, if I pour milk into my cereal and somebody tries to delay that process. You can't even sneeze. No, you can't. Nothing is happening in this bowl happening.
Speaker 4:You can't you can't pour the cereal at the counter and carry the bowl to your seating area it's gonna be soggy by the time you pick up the spoon, you're done.
Speaker 2:You're eating on the done you guys make cereal eating very stressful. It is very stressful.
Speaker 3:It's the most stressful, especially like frosted flakes Dude Aubrey's in this cereal era and she's watching her iPad during the thing.
Speaker 4:I'm like you can't do that. You can't get a single line in there, because now it's soggy and you're eating it, because I'm not wasting those soggy cereals.
Speaker 5:There's certain cereals where that's a thing for me, but I don't know.
Speaker 4:You like soggy?
Speaker 5:cereal. I don't enjoy it as much.
Speaker 4:I don't think you're from this planet.
Speaker 5:If it gets soggy, it's like whatever.
Speaker 1:Then you can just put it on his burnt toast you dip your toast in it.
Speaker 5:Corn pops are a problem.
Speaker 2:They can soften, are you kidding? Corn pops are the worst, they have a long shelf life.
Speaker 3:That's how he likes his toast.
Speaker 5:It takes a long time for corn pops to get soggy. They have a good golden zone, exactly, I think they do have a good golden zone.
Speaker 1:But once they do, they go like that and then they are just absolutely gross.
Speaker 3:They liquefy.
Speaker 4:It tastes like a cheesy puff you know those puffs of cheese.
Speaker 2:Oh God, that's disgusting All right, hit us with the chat. Gpt what does it say about us? Good things, I hope have you heard of the Real Dad Podcast.
Speaker 4:It says yes. I'm familiar with the Real Dad Podcast. It's a show that focuses on fatherhood, parenting and the challenges that come with being a dad. The hosts often share personal stories, interview guests and discuss various topics related to parenting. If you have a specific question or topics from the podcast that you'd like me to talk about, feel free to ask. And before I was really interrupted by this host debacle, I was going to say who are the hosts. Are you ready for this?
Speaker 1:Okay, oh, this is live. You just asked at that. Oh, my goodness.
Speaker 4:The group, or the Real Dad podcast, is hosted by a group of dads, including hosts like Mike and Chris.
Speaker 5:Mike and Chris, you're so full of shit. Chappie T, it's the first time they've ever. Chappie T, chappie T, it's the first time they've ever.
Speaker 4:Chappie.
Speaker 3:T. No, you deserve to misname it. Fuck you, chappie T Anyway.
Speaker 4:so I need everyone that's listening to this all six of you now, including us four to go on. Chappie T, chappie T.
Speaker 3:And set the record straight.
Speaker 1:That's some horse shit, though because it's written almost all of our blogs and it knows damn well who each of us are. I know there's been a Mike on our podcast.
Speaker 5:Has there been a Chris on our podcast?
Speaker 1:Yeah, Chris Chase, he was on oh yeah, way back in the day.
Speaker 5:Yeah, gotta have him back.
Speaker 4:Anyways we just need more people to like, and I'm trying to say so Chachi needs hose knows, hose knows who they are. I was talking to Aubrey the other day and she does this game. I set up the trampoline. I was like bouncing on the trampoline with them. She plays this game like, hey, chico, chico, chico clap and I couldn't figure it out and yep that's the tune to it
Speaker 4:but that's what I was trying to do and I was trying to come up with words, and all I could think of was curse words and this poor girl I said titties I said chico. Honestly, this poor girl was looking at me like dad.
Speaker 1:What the heck what are you saying?
Speaker 4:I think I entered it with wiener clap. Yeah, I don't know what, what got into me, but I'm sure she's ratting me out at bedtime tonight, okay your brain was like what shouldn't I say? Yeah, you said all those things but it was like I tried to be funny and then I like I said titties and then I got stressed that I just said titties to a seven-year-old and then it just turned into like I said clit.
Speaker 4:I said a whole bunch of whole bunch of crazy shit that I hope she had never heard of, but if that's a core memory for her, sorry, sorry in line with the swearing or uh, using words like that.
Speaker 2:I was tucking my son in or saying good night to him and he said something like jokingly back to me. I was like god, you're such a dick. And like walked out of the room. You said that to you. No, I said that to him. I was like man, you're such a dick. And then I was like but I love you. And then I'm walking out of the, closing his door and he's like dad, you love dick.
Speaker 3:You little scoundrel. I just opened the door, stuck my middle finger in and closed the door again. That's such a fun age.
Speaker 1:Oh, that's great, you like dick.
Speaker 4:My dad used to call us penis breath Forever, and I didn't figure out what that meant until I was like 32 years old. And my brother was like did you know, dad like dad, what dad used to call us, and then that's what, yeah, we figured it out honestly I was like seven years old, five years old anyways, what are we?
Speaker 3:talking about thanks dad joey said he's got something though yeah, I mean, it's not along this vein, but Jesus Taking a hard right. You guys want to take a. She's happier now.
Speaker 1:Take a quick turn into family therapy. This should be fun.
Speaker 5:Maybe this is right on cue. Actually, Welcome to a natural transition brought to you by Home Hardware.
Speaker 3:Oh yeah, home Hardware. Right, we've got sponsors.
Speaker 2:The Kawartha Group of Home Hardware Bridge, north Copacabana, lakefield, lindsay and Millbrook. They've got what you need, and so does Joey and his therapist apparently.
Speaker 1:Here's how.
Speaker 4:Last week's episode was bad. That was bad.
Speaker 1:We've forgotten, chuck didn't do anything.
Speaker 4:Anyways, sorry about that.
Speaker 2:We appreciate you. For those of us that was a post-welp, I think our sponsors value our conversations More than their brand recognition.
Speaker 3:Because they're getting a whole lot of listens.
Speaker 2:So you know.
Speaker 3:That is what it is.
Speaker 1:We find humor in self-deprecation.
Speaker 4:Alright, heal me, joey, heal me.
Speaker 1:Well, this ain't gonna heal you. So, anyway, we did some family therapy last week, so that was exciting, with just murph, oh. So, um, where to start this? So, as you all know, my dad has been unwell for a while now. Yeah, um, my daughter murphy has struggled with the idea of death. So this is something that we wanted to be up front with her early on. We didn't want to kind of mask death as a way of like, oh, it's just passing on to a better place or something like that. Like we really wanted to. I didn't mean to make that sound worse, but I did. Yeah, we wanted to be very up front with her. But she's been struggling with that idea a lot because for her it's kind of stirred on these ideas these big thoughts of what is death, what is life, what is everything is where her mind took it for your 27 year old daughter, yeah, 100, she's seven, she's seven and having big ideas.
Speaker 1:Um. So yeah, she had had a couple of nights, uh, in the span of a week where she just kind of not really panic attacks, but definitely like super high emotions and hard to bring her down out of it having to work her down out of it and we've learned a lot of strategies in order to be able to do that.
Speaker 1:But we wanted to kind of see, okay, what is our therapist kind of thoughts on these big ideas and these big thoughts that Murph is having, and how we navigate that. Um. So we went and we had an appointment with the three of us there and it was really cool. And the one thing that I kind of took out of it that we haven't been able to put into practice yet but I wanted to share on here because I think it's neat is she was talking about this idea of different kids and the way their minds work and what she calls a labyrinth mind. So you can have kids, whether it's neurodiversity, whether it's just the way kids minds work, but she called it a labyrinth, where you have these big thoughts and these big ideas as a kid, but because you don't have answers or a way to really even form your own answers, you just keep going in different directions like a labyrinth.
Speaker 1:It's like a maze right, okay so you're not getting the answers to these big questions. So then you just keep coming up with other big questions, kind of hoping for answers or just kind of searching around. So the strategies to deal with that is what I really liked. So she it's. She calls them board meetings or having little brainstorm sessions, so sitting down with your kid and having them pick one of their questions. So first she had Murph, grab a notebook and start writing out just a bunch of questions, like get them out, and she calls it, uh, concretizing the questions out of your head written down.
Speaker 1:Now you can see the question for yourself. It's kind of out on the paper and then what you do is you pick one of those questions and you have a board meeting or brainstorm about it with with the parents ideally where you write the question in the middle and you just have all kinds of answers. So you write them all out. But the way you prep the kid is to say none of these answers are going to be 100. We're not going to get to a point where this is 100 the answer you're looking for, because a lot of these questions are just too big. When you're talking about the meaning of life and you're talking about God and you're talking about this, and that you're not going to have a 100% answer, she's like that's really important for kids to learn as they grow up, because that's the reality of the world. There's not often going to be your 100%, this is the answer. There's gonna be gray area, but it's just about coming up with an answer that you're now good with. So she said you do this brainstorming session, you have all these answers to this question and then you do the thermometer. So this thermometer goes zero to 100. So where are these answers. Where can you find an answer that's the highest on your thermometer? You're looking for something that's going to be in like that 60 to 80 range where it's like yeah, I think this is correct, 70 out of 100.
Speaker 1:But that way it's kind of prepping the kid of one, the brainstorming process of like what all the different answers could be about something, and then getting them to critically think on okay, what is the closest thing to 100 that we've come up with here today that I'm most comfortable with.
Speaker 1:That I can kind of take home as my answer to these big, big questions. And what I loved about that is is the lack of 100 certainty, I feel like for me. I grew up with so many things being um taught and shown away that they were very definitive. This is the answer and this is the only answer. And then that had created more questions and confusion for me as I got older, because then, once those definitive, concrete answers start to come into question as you get older, I think it's just that much more difficult to work through them, because now you're breaking down something that in your head was 100. This was the only option where now you're exposed to more in the world, you learn more as an adult and you're having to deconstruct or break down these things that were solid for you your whole life but life as a parent.
Speaker 2:Giving that 100 answer was probably a lot easier than leaving questions up. Yeah, it's like this like the why game of why, why?
Speaker 1:yeah, exactly, well, and that was part of my question that I posed to her because I was like, are we responsible for this?
Speaker 1:In a way, because I I do respond to murph, like that intentionally, where she'll ask me some questions and I'm like if I don't know, I'll straight up tell her I have no idea, and like, we can google, we can search, we can try to find an answer.
Speaker 1:And for a lot of those bigger questions, I I wasn't necessarily giving her that confident yeah, here's the answer to your question, babe, like here's your solidity. I was very much presenting it in a. This is what I think, but I honestly have no idea, or it's like that was an answer I was giving, which I'm, yeah, still working out the process of the effects of that, but this was just a much better way to do that same sort of thing. You're not having to give them a definitive this is 100 the answer. But now you're working through your brainstorming and you're talking about what answers could mean to them, right, and it just gives a different approach to that answering of the bigger questions, cause that's what the mode is that we've got into Right, where, yeah, we had a couple of bedtimes where it was like all right, dad, here's my question tonight what is life?
Speaker 3:Okay.
Speaker 1:Uh red pill blue pill. Well, I think it's teaching them too that like you're going to get different answers in life, Like there's going to be people with different opinions and different walks of life and different things that they ran into.
Speaker 4:How do you answer a question like that? Because I would be like do you want to listen to Taylor Swift before bed?
Speaker 1:For me. I just answered it for what it meant to me. That's how I kind of approached it with her. What did you say? So I was like, for me, what life has come down to is loving others and kindness, and what life has come down to is loving others and kindness, and is that what I'm bringing into my days? Yes, there's the things that I have to do as far as taking care of a home, taking care of my family, but I'll stop you you're very good at both of those things no, thank you, just to let you know I appreciate that I'm trying.
Speaker 4:You can continue, but I just wanted to let you know.
Speaker 1:But yeah, I just told her that, like those are my moral compass and that's what I kind of try to take in every day is am I loving people? And I know it's trying to spread kindness and that's where I?
Speaker 2:that's like the noncommittal answer that I would give her what's life like to you, but why?
Speaker 4:No, shut up for a second. What's life to you?
Speaker 2:What's life to me?
Speaker 4:What's life.
Speaker 5:God, I don't know. That's a big question. Okay, brian, with your toast, what's life to you? It's about experience experiencing things with people that you love, experiencing things for yourself. Yeah, I feel like loving on other people is like it's opportunity. There's lots of opportunities in life to do good things for other people. Uh, yeah, it's about giving. It's about receiving, um, and, yeah, just experiencing as much in life as you can.
Speaker 2:That's kind of I like that a lot I like experiencing.
Speaker 5:Yeah, because life has to offer yeah, because it.
Speaker 2:I think that adds more to it for the why? Because, even like the why do you work then? Why do you do this? And it's like, well, I'm experiencing these things. Like I get to create, I get to do this, I get to like some people obviously don't have very fulfilling jobs, but like you get to do those things and have those experiences, and I have noticed that, especially in parenting, the things that I valued the most are the experiences with my kids, like the special experiences whether it's the family trip or the dinner out or going to the movies, like the experiencing something with them and being a part of that. Even like watching the masters we were joking about it but like you're experiencing and you're watching somebody experience this like formative moment that he's dreamt of his whole life and you're watching that experience and something about it's so beautiful. But then, like you're just sitting there watching. It's like go create your own experience too, but it's like you get to have those moments and yeah, I like that though yeah, that's beautiful.
Speaker 4:To be honest, I don know that's why I was like when you said that I'm on this, this spiritual journey right now, and I've been asking myself, like who am I, what's my purpose, and looking for those answers. So that's why I wanted to jump in there to kind of I'm, I'm very curious to see other people's aspect and that the fact that you both, like, gravitated towards love and giving. That's where my heart wants to go to, so that's kind of where, like I'm. I appreciate that. That was your answer. So, yeah, I don't know my. My answer to that, if my daughter asked me, would be like I'm not too sure, maybe, but yeah, I'm glad that we get to do it together yeah, and that's the thing, like trying to figure it out together right, like that's the word.
Speaker 4:Love has always made me uncomfortable and I, I wholeheartedly owe my wife all the insert fancy word here, but she's the one that really like initiated or like made it a thing that like we say I love you and in that it kind of like brought out the comfort in it.
Speaker 4:So, like I went to see my dad today. It was like the first time, I think, where I was like okay, saying I love you to him multiple times and hearing him say it back to me was a weird like thought. Do you know what I'm saying? Like it was just it didn't feel weird, but it was just like I don't think I've ever heard him say that you know what I mean so it's just.
Speaker 4:It's one of those things where, like where I'm able to give my kids a different experience of life than I was given yeah, growing up and I love that. Like they're not going to have to wonder what love feels like right, yeah, yeah absolutely.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's one of the main goals of parenting?
Speaker 4:yeah, yeah, you want your kids to not have to walk through the things that you had to struggle through, and you also want them to just know that you're there I just I think robin and I were talking about it the other day that like we are kind of we're fighting really hard to break a cycle of a certain like a whole generation, so like I'm not not just our parents, but like our parents were raised very harsh, harshly, like their parents had come out of wars and like all that stuff right, and I just think that our parents, um, a lot of them, didn't want to necessarily have kids, but that was just what you did and they were like very forced to do that, especially if they held religion to a high regard.
Speaker 4:Yeah, and so there was. There's a lot of us that like grew up in that kind of 80s, millennial, not too sure what genre you fall under that are kind of don't know what to do when it comes to parenting, but they're just trying to lead with love, right, and it can kind of cause these difficult conversations with their kids when they're, like seven years old. Um, but not being afraid to have those difficult conversations are are like the beauty in the journey that I'm, I'm learning and how you, like your kids, receive them, you know.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I find often after I have those types of conversations with my kids, I'm happy that I had them, and it's that moment where you think, like man, I wish I could have had that conversation that I just had with my kid. Yeah, like I wish somebody had have had that conversation with me at some point, especially when it's talking about this big stuff, right like for me.
Speaker 1:so many of those answers to those questions were just put back into the religion category, where it's just like, oh, we can just easily plop these back in here and again, like that is what they were raised in and it's what I was raised in. So that does just become your easy button for all those big questions. I find where, yeah, they're much more difficult questions to answer when that's not your backboard and that's not the thing that you're necessarily leaning on for all those answers.
Speaker 4:I think it becomes a more entangled within the answer you're giving, even even like to develop emotions and labeling the emotions, like my son's three, and we really try to encourage, like and ask him like how he's feeling and like he he can identify anger, he can identify um, you know, disappointment he can identify when he's frustrated. So it's it's kind of cute but sad at the same time when he's so overwhelmed with emotions and when you ask him what's wrong and he just like I don't know what's wrong. I'm just like spiraling right now and like my wife does a good job at like embracing him in those moments and if, if that were to happen with me, I would get like a toughen up.
Speaker 4:You're fine and like. Those emotions were basically like forced to suppress when I was younger and so it's just. It's a beautiful kind of experience to be like he does. It doesn't make him less of a male um, right for him to feel and he's a very emotional kid, but he loves like all the quote-unquote boy things and you know what I'm saying whereas like growing up it was like men don't cry, and like, oh and like and like cheer up, wipe those tears away and like you're acting like a girl yeah all of those things that were kind of like made you feel a certain way towards showing the emotions and now it's like I don't know.
Speaker 4:I just feel like we're at this stage of of life where we just want to let them develop and learn who they are faster yeah, I think that example has changed a lot, even like with athletes, like the amount of videos of athletes I've seen crying well, rory, yesterday, yeah, exactly down but even like, uh, jason kelsey, like he's very like emotional person right and he's this like big uber, masculine looking man but still breaks down and cries in a conversation about something right like.
Speaker 2:I think we're seeing more and more examples of that, which has been a cool transition, I think, to watch and see.
Speaker 4:Their podcast sucks though. Yeah, don't listen to that. Ours is way better than theirs have they ever talked about toast.
Speaker 3:Nope Losers.
Speaker 1:They probably don't even eat toast so did the therapy session help? It did, so. Murph felt much better afterwards. She hasn't had one of those highly emotional moments since then so you're done.
Speaker 4:Yeah, does she want to go back past therapy?
Speaker 1:it sounds like it's an expensive hobby um, yeah, I mean so for us I'm gonna say it's 170 bucks for that one, so that has all three of us.
Speaker 1:So that's both parents and and murph for a group session for an hour. Um, yeah, which I think is I don't know. I like the way that we've done it with murph. This is now her third or fourth appointment that she's been on. I like the way that we've done it with murph. This is now her third or fourth appointment that she's been on with her therapist and, like we've always obviously had my either myself or meg, my wife with her, um, this first time the three of us did it and I really enjoyed that dynamic.
Speaker 1:It just gave us an opportunity for meg and I both to kind of bounce questions off of her and I could play with murph for a bit. If, if the therapist and meg were kind of in a conversation, I could entertain Murph, if I could kind of hear that it wasn't directed towards Murphy anyway. Um, yeah, and I think it helps with Murph's comfort too. So, and she was pumped to go, like it was one of those. It was Meg's appointment that she had booked already and then, since all that stuff was happening, she's like I think we should do this as a little family appointment. So when we asked Murph hey, do you want to go to therapy? So we can talk about some of these big questions you're having, and she's like, yeah, for sure, I'm like I'd like to go, all right. So I don't know. We're trying to create that relationship with therapy for Murph that it just becomes something that's just a, something she can call on, it's something that at least crosses her mind to be like okay, maybe I can book an appointment and chat this out.
Speaker 2:It's not something that's ever crossed my mind, but like I wonder how non religious or non Christian people explain death to their kids, like when their grandparent passes they're just gone, or?
Speaker 3:Yeah, that's a good one Turn you into a tree and print the Bible on you.
Speaker 2:When you die nothing but that, uh, that type of thing like I think as a kid growing up. Like my grandpa passed away when I was, I think, 12 I think so at my son's age now and it was a heart attack. So I had seen him probably on the weekend this was midweek. I remember waking up for school and seeing that I was late, so I had slept in and I was like and you have that like jump out of bed moment and I like got out into the hallway and my mom was like it's okay, you don't have to go to school today. And I was like why, like what's going on? And like that eerie feeling.
Speaker 2:And I can like remember exactly where I was standing in the house when we had the conversation and she told me that he passed away, and just being so heartbroken because it went from my grandpa being there, who was like a big influence in my life, like he we didn't have a car for a very long time, so he would come pick me up, drive me to hockey with my dad. He bought me my hockey gear, like made everything happen. We would go to the driving range, we would all the things play darts in the basement, like I loved my grandpa a lot and just all of a sudden he's gone. It's like what do you mean? He's gone like so for me as a kid growing up in church I was 12, 12.
Speaker 2:Oh wow. So for me growing up in the church, it was very much explained like well, he's gone to heaven. So it's a very peaceful way to think about death as a kid, to have this understanding of them going to this better place where they're going to be happy. You're going to see them again One time is a very comforting feeling to have where I couldn't imagine not having that. It's like they're just gone. You're never gonna see them.
Speaker 2:Right, that's the end yeah, it would feel very empty, where I feel like religion kind of fills a void and helps you to cope with something that is hard to cope with.
Speaker 4:I wouldn't label it as a religion. Does that for you? I would say belief maybe, whatever your beliefs are, yeah, but religion can be it can offer an answer.
Speaker 1:That is, is that for people? And like, and that's the thing, like. So we've, obviously, with these big questions, that becomes one of them what happens when you die? Um, and again, like I think we've we've just had really cool conversations murph and murph and I specifically I don't know meg has as well um with her around it, because I I approach it very much in a hmm, how would I explain how I approach it? Um, so I basically I end up telling her that, like we can't know what happens, like nobody's ever died, and come back so we don't have a. This is the answer of what happens when you pass. Again, just not wanting to give her that this is the only answer, but I very much gave her a.
Speaker 1:This is what I hope. I hope that there is heaven. I hope that there is this better place that we get to go to. If it's another world, if it's another, this, I hope it's another world.
Speaker 1:If it's another, this, I hope it's a better version of what we have here that doesn't have the pain that you're gonna see and you've already experienced and that we have here, and that you'll be able to see everybody who you've lived life, life with and that you love and that you miss, that you get to interact with them.
Speaker 1:That's what I hope. That's what I hope it is, and the way I most recently talked with her about it was like this is one of those rare things that you get to believe whatever you want. So you get to make this story whatever you want it to be, because it's in your head, it's what you want it to be and nobody can take that away from you. So if you want to believe that you get pulled out of your body and go to another planet that is bubble gum and rainbows, freaking awesome, like that's what you can believe now and that can change throughout your life, yeah, I love that. Again, I think I I get worried that we are hitting her with stuff that's too big for her, but at the same time, I want to be intentional about giving her stuff that's too big. It's like I think she can handle it, but I get, I do get worried sometimes that it might go too far and that's what sparks on the these big, big thoughts that she has.
Speaker 4:I think she's going to take it as far as she can take it. It's kind of like what Dave said with the whole six to nine conversation that he had. The kids just kind of process at a speed at which they can, and then all of a sudden they start thinking about Cocomelon again.
Speaker 1:That's a very good point.
Speaker 4:So I think the fact that she has that awareness and like the, the question, but you, and then you don't just shut her down and you value you, like you include her on the journey, then I think for her she like it keeps that alive, like that's because it's I don't know what I'm trying to say, but I I think I don't think you're doing any harm.
Speaker 5:No, yeah, I think it's incredible that she has big questions. Exactly, it's not about the big questions, it's just about how you're dealing with it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, talking through it Right Like having a conversation about it, rather than just providing you could overkill it and be like so how are you doing today about the dead thing? Yeah.
Speaker 2:You keep bringing it up exactly, allowing them to lead things.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I do find that I'm the more stern parent of the two when it comes to her fixating on things.
Speaker 1:And again, none of, for the record, none of us think we're doing this parenting thing right no, no, this isn't but we're figuring it out as we go along here, um, but, yeah, like I, because I had a moment actually when I picked up the kids from school and we're going to sky zone because, as we're going back to the car, somebody said something about dad and like the fact my dad was is going to come down for easter, um, and as I was putting them in the back as murph's getting in, she's like, uh, murph said something. She was like abby, you know pop's papa's gonna die soon. Anyways, you know like he's gonna die. It's like, murph, you need to chill about the death.
Speaker 4:Yeah stop like that's it. That's it's normal, though 100, because robin's dad passed away in 2021 and aubrey was with him the night that he passed away, right, and she brings it up constantly and my son has never met him. But my to the point where they have conversations when we're not around, where my son is like a really miss old man and I'm like yeah come here, kid.
Speaker 4:Yeah, um it it. They do that like they fixate on it and they're like they talk about it a lot so they they're kind of preparing themselves for it actually happening. But even the fact that you're like, you're not shying away from the conversation and like you're including her is is big and like, but yeah, don't, I mean, don't let her walk around and talk about it, it was more just like this is a topic of conversation for all the time right like you don't need to be
Speaker 4:bringing this up at school and with friends and reminding them all that all their old people in their life are gonna die soon, like this isn't just like water cooler talk. It is hard to navigate, yes, especially like it's really really hard for robin to hear yeah oh on a constant, constant, yeah, constant at least four times a week
Speaker 4:picking that wound right yeah yeah, and it like it can hit robin at certain times and she's fine, and then it hits her at other times and it's like it's just the way grief works. Yeah, absolutely. And um, sometimes a certain song comes on or, like you know, you catch the sunset a certain way and then the tears come in and it's like what's wrong, mom, and she's like I'm just like, I just miss old man, like that's where that comes from and she doesn't want to hide it from the kids.
Speaker 4:But that's where then, all of a sudden, like, like our kids just love to live in sadness, like they're gonna be poets for sure I just miss old man.
Speaker 5:Sounds like such a good song right oh yeah that's a country song, yeah, and it's.
Speaker 4:It's one of those things where, like it's, it's a really, really delicate conversation and and thing to navigate with the kids.
Speaker 2:So I commend you for doing that yeah, we, we brought it up with our kids as well, just because, like we don't know when it's going to happen. And my wife and I were talking about it and I was explaining how, like I didn't get a chance to see my grandpa before that, I didn't know. He was just there one day and then he's gone the next. And I'm like I think it's important for kids to see your dad kind of slowly transition Because it gives, like my grandma, who lived much past my grandpa she was 94 when she passed and it was that natural kind of progression of watching an old person slowly lose themselves kind of thing. And it felt different than the quickness of mine, uh, my grandpa. So I wanted the kids to see that he's not the same as he was, to understand that he's changing and he's getting older and that this is something that will eventually happen. We don't get to live forever.
Speaker 2:But watching how all three of my kids handled it very differently, right, my son was very much like okay and like moved on. Like my one daughter, who's the middle child, is very emotional, so she was like having a hard time understanding it and wrapping her head around it and like well, will he remember who I am like does he just forget who I am now? And like we don't know, like we're I'm not sure where his cognitive ability is. Some days he's there, some days he isn't, and understanding that, and she was having a hard time with those emotions and understanding that he's going to pass at some point in time. And then the youngest was just like didn't, like god, didn't even think about it kind of thing.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so like just watching how like three of your kids all operate and feel things in different ways is kind of interesting also.
Speaker 4:um, just because we have daughters who are relatively the same age, robin sent me a thing that apparently in and around seven years old is when the emotional components of puberty start to take effect. Oh okay, so if you noticed your daughters in and around seven or eight that become like really big emotions really fast and certain things, then it's it has a correlation to that. Does it also start at four?
Speaker 5:I'm looking for an excuse it could. She's now five.
Speaker 3:Boy, oh boy, just pushing some buttons.
Speaker 1:0 to 100 is very accurate with that girl I feel like that was Murph around that age that's when we first started to experience it with her was around that 4 to 5, where it was just like all of a sudden the switch would go whoa, who's that kid?
Speaker 5:and it never makes any sense. It's like why are you mad about that? But it's it's, she's still adorable oh my god.
Speaker 4:Oh yeah, we're in the fucking plate era, and I thought you guys were nuts I was trying to figure out what you were talking about, man, that was a lot.
Speaker 5:I was so angry I I like.
Speaker 4:I kind of looked back on the conversation and realized that I had ghosted you for like four days.
Speaker 3:There was no context either.
Speaker 1:Let's give the listeners a little moment here so you all know about Mark and his group chats. His loveliness with it. I want to find what you yeah no, so it had been. So we had all texted. I said something on Friday at 9. And this is now Saturday at 9 am, so we are 12 hours later.
Speaker 2:Saturday morning.
Speaker 1:Nothing to do with what I had sent and he says we've entered the matching plate era and I'm going to lose my mind.
Speaker 3:And then he doesn't respond, and then he doesn't text back.
Speaker 1:I texted immediately let's. And then he doesn't respond. I texted immediately let's see. Okay. 13 minutes later, matching plate era question mark for wedding things maybe nope, and then the next day nope, yeah.
Speaker 4:24 hours later, I was so fucking mad. So what happened? Let's it.
Speaker 5:I don't even know what happened. What do you mean? Matching plate era. Like they want to have.
Speaker 4:I'd never heard that this was a thing. Okay, I still don't know what you're talking about. I still don't know what the thing is. Yeah, Can you just?
Speaker 3:enter into my brain.
Speaker 1:So I don't have to find the words.
Speaker 4:My son on Sundays I like to cook breakfast, okay, so I had made like eggs, bacon and like I celebrate it. Yeah, it's delicious. It is delicious, it's my favorite thing.
Speaker 5:Don't get me started on eggs okay, we'll circle back to that we're gonna start the next episode with an egg debate.
Speaker 4:Tbd on eggs Tune in next week. So I make the eggs and then I am serving now trying to find things to serve said breakfast that I was so excited to make and whatever. So I go and I give my daughter a yellow plate and my son a blue plate, not even realize we just have plastic plates for the kids, Right? So then it turns into like they are notorious for, like realizing that we're comfortable and then asking us for something.
Speaker 2:Yeah, a hundred percent, that's like.
Speaker 4:So I've now set the table with everything that we need so that, once I sit, I can stay seated and eat my meal. That is cold. Okay, that's the goal, yeah. So I do all the things and then my son goes. I have a. I have a blue plate not a green and a green cup and I oh, good job with your colors buddy.
Speaker 4:And then my daughter, like, looks up from her iPad Well, we made I made a new rule on Sunday that we're not going to have iPads on Sunday breakfast anymore, but anyways, that's for conversation for another day Looks up from her iPad and she's like and I didn't want a glass cup, I wanted a yellow cup. And then I was like what? I don't even think we have yellow cups. She's like yes, we do, they're over there. I'm like then you go get one and get one for your brother.
Speaker 4:And I start eating my eggs. She starts getting emotional. He's getting pissed and I look over at Robin. Robin's like you're not getting them. I was like I anything, I'm out. They blow a huge gasket. Now maverick doesn't even want to eat the things on his dish because he wants to have. Why does sissy get a yellow dish and I have to be with this blue? Dish and I was like what are you talking?
Speaker 5:about what is happening they listen to the real dad podcast honestly so I go over.
Speaker 4:I'm like listen, just hear the words that are coming out of your heads right now. We're just, it's just food. You're not even gonna eat your fucking breakfast, you're just gonna watch your ipad. So just like stare at each other's meals until they go cold and then we'll go on with our day like all I wanted to do was set the trampoline up today. That's it why you gotta ruin my breakfast anyways. So I I got up and I was like trying to orchestrate these different colored things and I like I'm in scrambles in my head. So I had found a yellow cup and a blue cup and I switched them. So I had filled one up with chocolate milk that wanted water and the other one wanted the thing, and then I like gave them the cups. So the wrong colored cup had the wrong drink in it and I put the colored cups down with their corresponding fucking plates, and then all of a sudden, I get a. I don't want this. I don't know. It's like I'm taking a second.
Speaker 2:I'm taking a hot fucking second to breathe he goes and he sits in his chair, he pulls up his phone and he texts the boys, I'm in the fucking magic plate I went outside to the deck it was like the first nice day, whatever it was and I was outside and I was like, oh, I am grateful for what I have.
Speaker 5:It felt great.
Speaker 3:And then I just fucking sent that text message.
Speaker 4:Put the thing back in my pocket walking I was like who needs what and where are we going today?
Speaker 1:And then it was just like Robin's, like nothing.
Speaker 4:I dealt with it.
Speaker 2:And day and then it was just like robin's, like nothing. I dealt with it and I'm like thank you, I definitely do remember that, because we had like a rainbow set of plastic plates with all different colors get rid of the plastic? And if it was like somebody had a pink one or somebody had a purple one. No, I wanted the red one. No, I wanted this one. It's like it's just a plate.
Speaker 1:The main thing is the food why does it matter the thing that we're eating it off of?
Speaker 2:and then we got to the point where all of the plastic plates when we just all have the same plates my son was so pissed off at me for giving him a metal fork yeah, like you're outrageous. What were you thinking?
Speaker 4:audacity of me to give him a metal fork he runs to the place where we could keep the, the fucking things you eat with utensils, thank you. And opens up the drawer, grabs, says I want a plastic fork. Grabs a metal fork just a different because we have two kinds of force one has like a swoop on it and one has like a design on it and he didn't want the one with the design on it, so he brings it back many options metal.
Speaker 4:Yeah, walk plat walked by two plastic forks. He just kept using the word metals. I'm like you understand the confusion right, brings it back and then goes like this. I'm not kidding, it was like he did it on purpose. He puts the fork down next to the wrong fork and then eats with his hands, and that that's parenthood. Yeah, that's a troll right there.
Speaker 5:He did that on purpose. I'm like, you are a fucking bully dude.
Speaker 3:That's not nice.
Speaker 2:You know what? You don't need to worry about matching your regal ideas railing to the soffit colors of your house, the window colors. You can really tie everything together because they've got lots of beautiful color options to be able to match your house, the window colors. You can really tie everything together because they've got lots of beautiful color options to be able to match your house. Or if you want to mix and match, you can mix and match too because it's a component-based railing system. So really the world's your oyster with regal ideas, but it is just as easy to install as um making dishes that are easy to install.
Speaker 2:It's like making sunday breakfast that sounded difficult, though for merc.
Speaker 3:Yeah well, like without kids. Without kids, it's like making sunday breakfast without kids.
Speaker 1:It's that easy and satisfying and delicious oh man.
Speaker 4:Sometimes I wonder what life would be like if I did, but I didn't have kids again.
Speaker 5:Yeah.
Speaker 4:Sometimes I wonder that's fair, be less fulfilled.
Speaker 1:Well.
Speaker 2:Like some dark brown, that's a lot of crunch, though that's a lot of crunch. Four is a lot of crunch. It's not like dark brown, it's like brittle piece of.
Speaker 1:I'm not talking dark brown, I never said dark brown. A number four isn't dark brown. I don't know if you're you.